Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not invited to christening

263 replies

Blackberryandcherry · 20/07/2024 16:58

AIBU?

One of my close friends had a baby in November. I planned her baby shower completely on my own for around 30 people, and I’ve been a regular visitor whilst she’s on mat leave, often using my annual leave to keep her and baby company during the day.

I went round last night for a couple of glasses of wine and she got onto chatting about her plans to get the baby christened. She said it would just be a small christening with family and her babies ‘friends’. It turns out that involves inviting our entire friendship group and their little ones, but not me as I am child free. I am the only one without a baby.

AIBU to be hurt by this? Fully expecting to be told she can invite who she likes but honestly I am feeling a bit devastated to be the only one excluded.

OP posts:
Iwantamarshmallowman · 20/07/2024 17:29

she has shown you how little she values your friendship. move on and don't waste any more time on her.

ThisGoldSeal · 20/07/2024 17:29

If she said she can invites who she's like, that's true, and she can also consider your feelings. If she's not considering your feelings than she's not your friend.

ZekeZeke · 20/07/2024 17:28

She is a user.
Don't attempt to buy a christening card or gift.

Wontletmeusemynormalname · 20/07/2024 17:28

Blackberryandcherry · 20/07/2024 17:25

She was having a tough time when her husband went back to work so I took various mornings off work to sit with her so she wasn’t on her own.

I do have other friendship groups who I see evenings and weekends.

Show quote history

Does she know you used annual leave to support her in her time of need. She sounds like a cheeky fucker to me.

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 20/07/2024 17:26

I would tell her that you are upset in case it was just thoughtlessness.

If she's not absolutely mortified then I would quietly ditch her.

Wontletmeusemynormalname · 20/07/2024 17:26

Blackberryandcherry · 20/07/2024 17:15

The rest of the group don’t know about it yet as they haven’t actually sent out any invites (as far as I’m aware).

To be honest I’m upset/embarrassed about them finding out.

My friend is also a big user of social media so I know the photos will be splashed all over there. Our families are mutual friends and I already feel upset about having to explain to my sisters/mum/aunties why I wasn’t there.

Show quote history

It's not for you to explain. A simple I wasn't invited will do. I'm sure the rest will follow in mutual group conversations.

I'd seriously be backing off from this friendship if I were you.

SilkFloss · 20/07/2024 17:25

You know, it is OK for you to tell her that you're upset. Perhaps point out that your childlessness didn't seem to be a problem when you were the one organising her baby shower.
And then retreat.
Know your own worth and she is not the friend you thought she was. sounds like a self-absorbed bitch

Original poster
Blackberryandcherry · 20/07/2024 17:25

crumblingschools · 20/07/2024 17:21

Why do you use annual leave to go and see her? Do you have a social life that doesn’t revolve round her?

Edited

She was having a tough time when her husband went back to work so I took various mornings off work to sit with her so she wasn’t on her own.

I do have other friendship groups who I see evenings and weekends.

OP posts:
Purplecatshopaholic · 20/07/2024 17:24

Jeezo, she’s no friend op. And don’t be embarassed about pics on social media, they will show her for who she truly is, a selfish person who doesn’t value people who have been good to her. I am not surprised you are hurt, I would be too - I would cut her off, she really is no friend and does not deserve your time.

betterangels · 20/07/2024 17:24

crumblingschools · 20/07/2024 17:21

Why do you use annual leave to go and see her? Do you have a social life that doesn’t revolve round her?

Edited

Meow.

Maybe the OP was trying to support her supposed friend, and the friend could have opened her mouth and made it known if her company was not wanted? I guess she has now, though.

Please go find other friends, OP.

FuzzyStripes · 20/07/2024 17:24

If she doesn’t invite you, rather than is assuming you know you are invited so she doesn’t need to specify it like she does with the others in your friendship group, then I would distance yourself from her and not do any further organising or visiting, especially when it requires annual leave.

olympicsrock · 20/07/2024 17:23

She’s not a kind person. Don’t invest any more of your time energy and money on her.

Garlicnaan · 20/07/2024 17:22

She's being awful. No excuses for that.

Distance yourself.

sentfrmmyiphone · 20/07/2024 17:22

Blackberryandcherry · 20/07/2024 17:15

The rest of the group don’t know about it yet as they haven’t actually sent out any invites (as far as I’m aware).

To be honest I’m upset/embarrassed about them finding out.

My friend is also a big user of social media so I know the photos will be splashed all over there. Our families are mutual friends and I already feel upset about having to explain to my sisters/mum/aunties why I wasn’t there.

Show quote history

ah so invites have not been sent yet? i do feel you might have jumped the gun a little!

it would take a special kind of someone to tell you face to face that everyone else but you is invited, unless as someone has previously posted, you've really over-stepped the mark with your involvement of the whole pregnancy/baby shower/maternity leave thing

crumblingschools · 20/07/2024 17:21

Why do you use annual leave to go and see her? Do you have a social life that doesn’t revolve round her?

Original poster
Blackberryandcherry · 20/07/2024 17:21

sentfrmmyiphone · 20/07/2024 17:12

has she absolutely said 'you are not invited' or have you assumed because you have not had an invite that you are not invited?

if you have been and are such a good friend, maybe she just assumes you know that you don't need a formal invite?

Yes I am definitely not invited.

I think they are trying to keep the numbers down for the cost, and originally it was going to be family only. It sounds like they have hired some form of kids entertainment for the party after hence the invite to invite the babies ‘friends’.

I do wonder if it’s just thoughtless.

OP posts:
JoyousPinkPeer · 20/07/2024 17:19

Aren't you 'jumping the gun' thinking youve not been invited if invites haven't yet been sent out?

allthemiddlechildrenoftheworld · 20/07/2024 17:19

@Blackberryandcherry just think of the money you will save!! no pressies for birthdays or christmas for the wee one then and no christmas or birthday cards for her either!!

betterangels · 20/07/2024 17:19

Blackberryandcherry · 20/07/2024 17:15

The rest of the group don’t know about it yet as they haven’t actually sent out any invites (as far as I’m aware).

To be honest I’m upset/embarrassed about them finding out.

My friend is also a big user of social media so I know the photos will be splashed all over there. Our families are mutual friends and I already feel upset about having to explain to my sisters/mum/aunties why I wasn’t there.

Show quote history

That makes it even worse. She's not your friend, OP. I'm sorry, it must hurt like hell to realise.

Illbethereforyouuu · 20/07/2024 17:19

She said the words "you're not invited because you don't have a baby"....or have you assumed you're not invited?

TellMeWhoTheVillainsAre · 20/07/2024 17:18

Her baby doesn't have friends! She has shown you how much she values you. I'd stop supporting her so much. I'd stop using my annual leave to spend time with her for a start. She doesn't appreciate you. Really bad form.
I'd stop being so available to her and be "busy" whenever she looks for you to come and do something for her

CelesteCunningham · 20/07/2024 17:17

Time to quietly tell the gossipiest mutual "in confidence" why you weren't invited...

Spirallingdownwards · 20/07/2024 17:17

Did she want you around during her maternity leave and did she want you to organise the baby shower? Perhaps there is an element of her feeling you are taking over and she is feeling smothered and trapped by you. I am sure you have good intentions but perhaps she is finding it too much?

Original poster
Blackberryandcherry · 20/07/2024 17:15

betterangels · 20/07/2024 17:08

That's cruel. A baby doesn't have friends. Stop running around for and after her and be much less available. It's time for some new friends for you, as I'm guessing the group knows you aren't invited.

The rest of the group don’t know about it yet as they haven’t actually sent out any invites (as far as I’m aware).

To be honest I’m upset/embarrassed about them finding out.

My friend is also a big user of social media so I know the photos will be splashed all over there. Our families are mutual friends and I already feel upset about having to explain to my sisters/mum/aunties why I wasn’t there.

OP posts:
SeeSeeRider · 20/07/2024 17:15

I think I might un-friend this person. She's let you know where you stand in her world.

Swipe left for the next trending thread