Not invited to christening

Call her out on it by asking 'So I'm not invited because I don't have a child?' see what she says. It's very unkind of her if she isn't inviting you after all you've done for her. Obviously she doesn't think of you as a close friend so I'd be giving her a wide berth after this.

Why didn't you tell her, either at the time or via message afterwards, that you're hurt by it?

I wouldn't be bothered per se about not being invited to a christening, but leaving you out because you don't have kids is a bit crass. YANBU.

If you're trying to keep numbers down you invite the friends who DON'T have kids!
Friend with no kids = 1 guest
Friends with kids = multiple guests + noise + distracted parents trying to sooth cranky and overhyped children.

I just wanted to add that they aren’t especially religious, and were torn between the christening and some sort of naming ceremony; but either way I would’ve felt the same having not been invited.

She is a hypocrite. A church christening is open to anyone - it's about welcoming a child into the (Christian) community. I'm not religious but I hate seeing this kind of hypocrisy.

Your friend is behaving in a very unChristian way. I assume she's chosen a church that will look good on Instagram.

I hope you have better friends @Blackberryandcherry who value you for who you are, not what you've produced!

Blimey mumsnet is usually full of posts where parents & their kids are excluded…
It does seem very odd not to invite a singular adult…. She could’ve easily invited you to the church and simply said I’m not sure the after party is really your thing but we can meet for a coffee another day.

I’d be upset, I’d leave her to it, this would be me backing away, I’d take the hint as not being included in her kids life and wouldn’t be buying a christening/birthday or Christmas gift and wouldn’t be babysitting either. I’d always be unavailable when asked! Bloody cheek!!
Like you I took time off and used to visit my friend after she had her first, I was always popping in on way to work too and would have a coffee with her, hold baby so she could shower etc.. in contrast though she asked me to be God Mother. People are so thoughtless.

I wouldn’t be messaging her or seeing her, she’ll eventually ask what’s up and I’d just tell her straight that you feel upset and hurt that after all you’ve done she couldn’t even extend an invite to you and that you at least know where you stand now!

We live and learn. I’m far less available now.
So very true. It’s a hard lesson.

That is so mean! What an insensitive 🐮
Distance yourself now.
So sorry you are experiencing this. I have been on the receiving end of this kind of thing 2 or 3 times (I’m 70+ now 😊) and it’s literally a shock.
The last time I was about 50 and it was a watershed for me. I said to myself, ‘Ok, you’re not as important to X as you thought you were. Stop doing things for people who might not even want what you’re offering. Look after yourself and distance yourself from them.’
But it was important to me not to make a fuss as I did not want to show myself up or lose my dignity. It worked and I’ve been a damned sight happier ever since.

Really bad - I can understand how you feel. I have a male cousin I grew up with. I was closer to him than my own brothers. When he married and had a dear little boy I hoped I would be a God mother. I was really upset to see all the god mothers were his wife’s family. I wasn’t even invited to second child’s christening. ! We live and learn. I’m far less available now.

This is unbelievable!
YANBU!

Friend has been an utter arse if she is thinking that way. It's really not for her to decide what someone else won't like. If she wanted her there, she would invite her (and let her decide if she is coming).

If that's the case why would she think OP would be interested in a baby shower?

If you were picked to organise baby shower because you're childless and it's easier for you, then make sure you're not babysitting when she wants to go out!

She wouldn't see me for dust.
I wouldn't want an apology, I simply wouldn't want to waste another minute with such a person.

Clearly OP you have been doing far too much and your friend thinks that even basic courtesy and respect need not apply to you.

Feel no embarrassment.
It is all hers.
I would be away for the christening and when asked would reply, "I didn't make the cut, being childless" with an🙄.

I wouldn't allow her appalling behaviour to unduly upset me, because I would be so glad that I had finally seen her clearly.
I find it very difficult to believe that has been the only incidence of such unkindness and thoughtlessness.

She sounds thick as mud.
Reprocosity is important in relationships.
If you find you are doing too much for someone, it rarely works out well.
Let her baby friends support her going forward.
I hope this at least shows you that you are investing unwisely with her, turn your attention to friends that value you as you deserve.

I’d cut someone off for that. Fuck ‘em.

I think you need to have a word with her tell her how you feel. Out of interest how long have you been friends? Think its very unfair of her to exclude you, but I can't see her being popular with your friends group when they find out that you are excluded and why.

You sound like such a lovely friend OP. It would have been a lifesaver for me in the early days for a friend to come and help me when I was in the thick of it with PND.

I'd be incredibly hurt, it's not right. Especially as 1 or 2 extra people won't increase costs that much, especially when you sound close to her and her baby.

I'm really sorry ❤️

Honestly, just get rid.

I’ve had a similar instance with so called friends like this - you’re good enough to be the safe nice friend when it suits but when it comes to the nice/good times you aren’t a thought in their mind.

As much as it hurts you need advocate for yourself and back off. Find better people to put your energy into. Wishing you the best of luck!

Your friend sounds like she’s a selfish unthinking cold heart piece!
personally I’d ask her outright if my invite is in the post? If she says no we’ve not invited you I’d ask why? Depending on her response I’d end the friendship there & then telling she’s an ungrateful friend & that you’ve gone over & above r to support her & that you feel deeply offended & leave ignore her calls & let her stew for a few days; with friends like her who needs enemies

That's really out of order.
I would consider defriending her after something like this.

I think she is unclear about the purpose of a Christening. It isn't just a baby warming party. It's supposedly welcoming the baby into the Church community and making promises on the baby's behalf, in the case of parents and Godparents. The only people who really NEED to be there are parents, grandparents, and Godparents. Possibly also the families of Godparents if they have young children. My grandchildren were Christened by a C of E friend in a private ceremony. Because most of the guests live in France and had to travel here, we did go to a restaurant afterwards but this restricted the numbers to 30. Hence it wasn't possible to invite everyone. Even some members of the extended family were excluded, and some don't even know that the Christening took place. It's a private affair. If your friend wants to turn it into a baby shower style power show, she is missing the point. Accept her decision and distance yourself from her for a while. And remember, "a friend in need is a friend indeed". You have been a good friend, by the sound of it, but maybe you overwhelmed her a bit? Time will tell. Don't ruin a long term friendship (if that's what this is) over this. But let her do the running from now on and look after yourself for a while.

Although I totally understand why you would be hurt, i do think your friend hasn’t really meant this to be the case. In her head she is inviting kids, therefore the parents have to come along too. The fact she has talked about it in front of you shows she really doesn’t see it as an issue.
maybe talk to her about it and clear the air. Do you really want to lose this friendship?
she might think it would be someone’s worst nightmare if they don’t have kids 🤣 either way you won’t know unless you talk to her about it.

Definitely withdraw from the friendship.

This is what you should do!

I strongly suspect the friend thinks op won't be interested in a christening, and won't like all of the screaming kids. It is really a kids party. Op needs to make it clear that she would love to come, and would welcome an invitation.