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AIBU?

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Original poster

friend is very flaky, sick of it.

65 replies

weirdwasp · 20/07/2024 16:10

Started to not reply to about 50% of messages so I stopped bothering.
Stopped initiating first anymore even though she used to.
She then apologised in person and suggested we have a coffee next week to catch up.
So a week later, I text her on WhatsApp asking what date is best, giving her a list of dates I can do.
She read it (has the blue ticks) and never replied, that was a fortnight ago.
She was the one who suggested it.
She's done this before, I did feel like she was trying to distance herself, which was fair enough if that's what she wanted, but then she'd come back.
I know the best thing is to just ignore.
The coffee incident made me feel stupid, I don't know why but I felt embarrassed she read it and didn't reply.

OP posts:
Thegreatestoftheseislove · 20/07/2024 16:34

Stop messaging and just call. Ask. Speak. Be prepared to considered it to be a friendship that's run its course for this season in your life.

PlaceMarkingHere · 20/07/2024 16:34

Before blocking her, why not directly tell her how you feel? Then she has a chance to behave better.

Definitely don’t engage with anything other than an apology and a clear arrangement.

KreedKafer · 20/07/2024 16:32

It sounds like this friendship means more to you than it does to her. She doesn’t seem at all bothered about seeing you or replying to your messages, so honestly, just stop getting in touch. If she contacts you again suggesting you meet, just reply with something like “The ball’s in your court so just let me know when you’re free” and you’ll either hear back or you won’t. Stop chasing her and stop messaging her if she doesn’t reply. You sound like you just have totally different expectations of what a friendship is.

TheHallouminati · 20/07/2024 16:31

Unfortunately, I'm a flaky friend. Has she always been like that? My flakiness is dependent on my mental health usually and I suspect I also have ADHD (I would never claim this as fact because I've never been assessed). I've lost friends because of my flakiness and always feel bad that I've upset them but accept that some people don't want to deal with me and my AWOL periods and don't expect anyone to. I make it clear to my friends that my issues are mine and not a reflection on my feelings towards our friendship or how much I value them as friends, I just struggle to be present sometimes.

If she's a good friend and you want to salvage the friendship, talk to her about it. If she's not then cut your losses.
I'm sorry she's made you feel this way, I doubt it will be about you.

Original poster
weirdwasp · 20/07/2024 16:30

I'm afraid of confronting people because I worry about looking like a 'psycho' and apparently everyone loves very laid-back people who are so chilled about everything.
I know I'm overthinking this.

OP posts:
Original poster
weirdwasp · 20/07/2024 16:28

It could be, however she was clear about the fact that she'd been for coffee with other friends, so that made it feel personal.

OP posts:
changedusernameforthis1 · 20/07/2024 16:27

I'd walk away.
I had a friend like this, I'd see that she's read my message and would ignore me for weeks on end but be able to post online often about the food she was eating, what she was watching on tv etc.
The last straw was when I messaged her to say I was going into hospital and she left me on read. The next day I asked her if she even cared and her reply was "I'm busy dealing with my boiler, it's broken down."
I hit block and haven't looked back since.

Rhaidimiddim · 20/07/2024 16:27

Reframe it as you attempting to firm up on a plan she suggested, and actually getting the measure of her commitment. It was not a faux pas or letting her have control, it was a very reasonable move to make, and has given you the upper hand in how you proceed.

LindorDoubleChoc · 20/07/2024 16:27

I'm so sorry. Why do people do this? Send her a final message - "I hope you're ok, but it's not on to muck me around like this. I'm deleting your number now and please try to behave better if you have any friends in the future." Press send and block and move on.

TheSerenePinkOrca · 20/07/2024 16:26

I wonder if she is perhaps struggling with MH or anxiety so likes the idea of coffee out but struggles going through with it hence the radio silence when it comes to fixing a date.

Shesellsseashellsontheseasure · 20/07/2024 16:24

Is your friend ok? That would be my first concern. I tend to hide from social situations when I'm struggling with my mental health.

Original poster
weirdwasp · 20/07/2024 16:23

SeeSeeRider · 20/07/2024 16:22

Don't wait for her to get in touch. Block her now on Whatsapp and your phone, even better, delete her from your contacts, and don't think about her any more. Please - why aren't you doing this? You don't need her permission to dump her.

Do you reckon?
Im worried ill just look dramatic and OTT. I'm not expecting someone to reply to every single message - it's just that I know if I didn't speak to her first she'd rarely speak to me.
If she genuinely forgot to reply about the coffee that's fine, but I feel like it was deliberate

OP posts:
Blueyatemyhomework · 20/07/2024 16:22

Walk away

SeeSeeRider · 20/07/2024 16:22

Don't wait for her to get in touch. Block her now on Whatsapp and your phone, even better, delete her from your contacts, and don't think about her any more. Please - why aren't you doing this? You don't need her permission to dump her.

Original poster
weirdwasp · 20/07/2024 16:15

I'm letting her have power over me and I don't want that. If she gets in touch again, I don't know what to do?

OP posts: