friend is very flaky, sick of it.

Everyone has mental health issues. Everyone has things they find hard to deal with. OP herself has said she has mh problems - if you are friends with someone you don't treat them like shit because you are feeling overwhelmed. What about your friend? Think about them? Just send a message saying "sorry, I would absolutely love to see you but I'm out of sorts right now, I can't do social stuff. Please bear with, love you xx". It takes seconds.

I have a friend like this, we were very close for probably 8 years while the kids were in primary. As a SAHM I did all the organising for us; camping holidays together, cinema, Panto, etc - really close stuff. As the DC’s have got older there’s been some natural distancing but I also found myself being the only one to make contact and her only accepting invites if there was some thing to gain, at least that’s what it felt like. I took a big step back and now I’m much more in the rhythm of taking it in turns to make contact. It’s taken 2 years for me to feel comfortable and not feel taken advantage of. I think that’s the key, reduce your input and thoughts and see what’s returned.

This new lingo is all so irritating. ‘I was dysregulated’ etc.

I agree. It is inconsiderate not to say that you don't feel able to. It isn't difficult to message someone to say so.

When did 'overwhelm' become a noun?

Is she not just really busy? She probably does want to see you or why would she have bothered? More likely she just can’t cope with everything. It’s not nice for you though so can see why you’d just leave it. I wouldn’t be embarrassed though. Blocking is a bit ridiculous.

Then you need to say I'd love to see you soon but I'm really busy at the moment so let me get back to you on dates. It's really not that hard not to be flaky. It boils my piss.

Bang on, OP.

I have a friend like this. I tend to leave all arrangements to her now. If your friend suggested meeting up but didn't give dates I would leave it and just carry on with your life. The friendship may die but that is on her if she can't make a decision.

Yes i have a friend like this, I honestly think it's a very narcissistic trait. Basically she's not really interested in making any effort or being friends with you because you're not useful enough to her (the other friends she does have coffee with are higher value) - but if you're not making the effort with her then it feels like a rejection to her and narcissists can't stand rejection so she gets back in touch and says whatever it takes to get your attention (and supply from you) again. But because she's not really interested and has better offers it never actually comes to anything.

I have a friend like this. She has ADHD and no matter how much she intends to stay in touch she just cannot. Because she's an old friend I accept it and do about 75% of the work around staying in touch and I don't take it personally.

I had another friend similar who was newer and I admit that I just let that friendship slide because I didn't have the capacity to be the one keeping it afloat. I didn't take it personally or think badly of her but I also didn't try hard.

I had one other friend with whom I brought it up, asked if she was ok (she was and hadn't realised it was a problem) and I set out my boundaries, I said what I need from my friends and how I behave in return. She understood and made more effort

Don't send her any more messages. Don't block, but take 2 big steps back.

If she ever gets back in touch, wants to meet for coffee etc, reply ..... "Sure, let me know where and when . ...." And leave it at that. Balls in her court and let her do the chasing, even though she probably won't, but it won't be you chasing her.

Do those of you who are feeling mentally frail just leave messages from friends unread when you have initiated a meeting, or do you apologise and say that you don't feel up to it?

I dislike that the mental health card gets played every time someone is flakey or behaves inconsiderately.

Exactly this.

I wouldn't get in a quarrel about it, but I would put no further effort into staying in touch.

I have a limited social battery. I love to see my friends and I love hanging out with them. But when I have too many social things like coffee in a week or a fortnight I start to feel overwhelmed and exhausted and other areas of my life suffer. But yet, when I'm talking to a friend I will inevitably end up saying that I'd love to see them - because I genuinely would. I just don't know when I will have the bandwidth for it if its just after a run of social things. My extroverted friends don't get this at all. My more introverted friends wouldn't make the plans in the first place because they're happy with text. I think sometimes it's more an inability to say no because you want to do everything and not being good at knowing when it's too much?

I had a male friend like this! Desperate to see me whenever I ignored him - then wouldn't turn up for plans, would ignore me etc as soon as I responded.

In all honesty I think it's about control and attention - cut her out!

I was about to say is she struggling with her MH until you said she's been out with other friends.
I think her not replying speaks volumes about how she feels about your friendship. You deserve better you don't have to say anything. She hasn't responded. Delete that chat, even her number and be around people that want to be your friend. You shouldn't have to second guess any friendship or relationship.

If you don't ask, you won't know. If you've suggested dates it definitely ok to text again and say "did any of these dates work for you?" If she doesn't reply to that, that's ghosting. But if you don't chase it could just be overwhelm. You said she did apologise in person, rather than just ignore the issue (which I would suspect someone intent on ghosting would do)

No need for dramatic final messages and blocking, just leave it and focus on other friends instead.

OP just let her go. No need to feel embarrassed. Friendships change.

Keep the high road though. Sending her a telling off and blocking - like other posters have suggested - would just make you look immature and dramatic. And potentially make things awkward for you in the future.

New friends, new focus. You will be ok.

This would be my first reaction too. I would think she's either overwhelmed in her personal life or having mental health struggles. Have you asked what's going on?

@weirdwasp

Im worried ill just look dramatic and OTT.

Who cares? If you block her, you won't know whether you look that way to her, or not, and, anyway, why does it matter?

Also, re your update on coffee - it could be that the people she's been out with were the first people who have asked since she's been feeling like socialising. If I've been absent for a while I always feel bad and often don't want to be the first person to contact people in case I'm annoying them. Deeply dysfunctional really.