friend is very flaky, sick of it.

Ghosting friends is nasty, Take a long, hard look at yourself if this is you.

What a weird extrapolation, I've never ghosted anyone in my life. But nor do I trivialise and mock other people's struggles. Unlike some.

Ghosting friends is nasty, Take a long, hard look at yourself if this is you.

But it's not the slightest thing, is it? If you want to have friends you have to be available occasionally. Or explain yourself.

I could have been clearer in that post. I do see people advocating blocking for the slightest thing and I do think it's pathetic. I do think blocking would be overkill in OP's scenario. But equally, I agree, the friend does owe OP some sort of explanation for the flakiness. In fact that's another reason I think blocking is often overkill - you never get to find out if the person might have come to their senses and apologised.

"real girlfriends don't care if you don't reply to messages etc they know friendship is what matters".

Guess what? Sometimes it's true. Who'd have thought it?

Would you ditch a friend for being flaky without trying to find out if anything was wrong?

Victim complex, innit? "me, me, me, I'm the only person in the wooooorld"

How nasty. There's a bit more to mental health difficulties than that.

Victim complex, innit? "me, me, me, I'm the only person in the wooooorld"

To the point of being rude to your friends? How about simply saying - I'm not up to it, speak later?

People like this are exhausting. Give them the same amount of effort as they give you, which is none.

Same people who post shitey memes about "real girlfriends don't care if you don't reply to messages etc they know friendship is what matters".

Usually have a victim complex.

Hey OP, I also suggest you drop her. Whatever reasons she has to behave like this, she still has to show common decency and respect towards you.

I would just not reply to her anymore (block or whatever). But if you feel uncomfortable doing this, just don't get in touch first, and if she will get in touch again - be non-committal. Like, dont rush replying, just say say yes, we should meet up. And leave it at that. As your friend is such a flake, it will not go any further anyway. It will pewter out eventually.

She is not really a friend, I'm afraid.

@Treesnbirds ” I just initially ignore then forget the message usually, but it doesn't at all mean I don't care for the friend.”

I didn’t want to hijack this thread so started a new one as this sort of comment has been on my mind. Be interesting to hear your thoughts.

I just gave up on these types op. I got told on here nobody obligated to reply to me!) I dont know it leaves you hanging can they meet can they not. My friend said this week oh I forget to reply. Puts me off meetups now

Some posters show well-intentioned concerns about mental health. So what? Her mental health concerns are not yours. Fuck her off.

But it's not the slightest thing, is it? If you want to have friends you have to be available occasionally. Or explain yourself.

How did this become about her have MH for certain now? Op knows her best and her actions very much speaks volumes. Pp nailed it as breadcrumbing which sound like that's her problem.
Some people get kicks out of putting others down.

I can completely understand why you feel hurt. Just wondering what's happening for her at the moment? When I'm struggling and life feels completely overwhelming, even my very best friend asking for a solid date to promise to meet feels way too much. I just initially ignore then forget the message usually, but it doesn't at all mean I don't care for the friend.

However, if she's almost always putting in no effort and you think she's fine then I would be inclined to leave her alone and try to build your life without her.
I'm sure this is hard. Hope you're ok ♥️

This. Don't waste time on flakers.

Exactly. I mean I totally understand OP being fed up of this, but I wondered if the friend was in a bad place too. I hate this trend of blocking people over the slightest infraction and I think blocking someone over something like this would be childish and pathetic tbh.

Agree and that's why people have low tolerance and understanding for MH. She can't take a few seconds to respond? Treating friends like this is now ok because you know MH? Social battery low? 🙄

If you were a new friend or someone she really wanted to impress, she wouldn’t do this. It’s time to move on.

A friend is someone who you enjoy spending time with and who makes you feel good about yourself. This person doesn’t make you feel good, she makes you feel lousy.

She's like a bloke who breadcrumbs

I think you’re annoyed with her OP and that’s perfectly understandable.
you are allowed to pick who YOU want as your friend too! This doesn’t just apply to her.
her flakiness and rudeness is obviously not acceptable to you so go with that.
Spend your time thinking about other friends or whatever else is going on with your life, this one isn’t worth it if you’ve tried multiple times (I think I’ve understood that correctly). She will just think her behaviour is ok if you allow it to continue.

Lots of people are like this if their MH is poor or they are struggling themselves. The idea of plans sounds good but the reality of carrying them out is too hard. I know that people I’ve know who struggle tend to do a “head in the sand” and ignore and isolate because it seems easier than reaching out to friends and admitting they need help. I am generally a fan of personal boundaries but I always wonder in situations like this how many MH breakdowns and suicides could be avoided by people not ditching and blocking “flaky” friends but instead being a kind ear when required. I know it won’t apply to all and some people are just flaky and annoying and don’t treat people well, but I couldn’t take the risk if it was me, I’d keep checking in every so often.

How long has the reducing contact been going on?

I'm in vaguely similar situation and feel like cutting her off completely but there's an element of arrogance about the constant flaking, arranging calls and meetings then cancelling, then if I'm annoyed she'll think because I need too much from her.

I really don't. Im very happy to have a very free range friendship.

Ive decided not to reply until she does then say something like 'i haven't got the time at the minute but hope all is well' and leave it there.

That way the door isn't shut if there's something going on (I don't expect there is, she's on the phone hours when she has a problem) but that way I've said a clear, not particularly over friendly 'no' for now.

Maybe something like that?

Don't do a final message. Don't block.
Delete her number maybe, so you don't reach out / initiate again.
Just distance yourself and if she eventually does contact you, reply if you want or don't.
Don't make it dramatic everyone has their own stuff going on.