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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

colleague kissed me and then ghosted me

68 replies

weirdwasp · 20/07/2024 16:04

There seemed to be a mutual interest, we started talking, texting, met up, and kissed.

Then suddenly he backtracked, acted like nothing happened. I confronted him and he said 'This has too much potential to be awkward, it's too risky, I'm really sorry. It's just not a good idea.'
Fwiw we're in an open plan office of around 100 people, on the same floor.
The only time we see each other is walking through the office/lunchtime/arriving and leaving, our work is totally separate.
Do you think it was genuine from him? Or just a lie? I told him it was fine, now he just looks sheepish and tries to avoid me.

OP posts:
quickoffthemark · 20/07/2024 18:51

weirdwasp · 20/07/2024 18:44

So the work scenario was all fabricated you reckon?

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Bit of flirting and office banter to make the day go quicker
had a snog
realised that didn’t actually fancy you

I am sure it hurts but you’ll move on

user33992020 · 20/07/2024 18:51

weirdwasp · 20/07/2024 18:47

That's fine, I'm not bothered, I just wish he didn't act so awkward but that's on him I guess.

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Just continue being polite and civil when you see him but stay aloof/unbothered.

Unfortunately this is a risk when dating people at work. I once got absolutely smashed at a work party and snogged one of the doctors, I went back to his place and ended up serenading him with various karaoke tunes (I sound like a cat being strangled when I sing)

I had to see him every bloody day at work for months afterwards. I wanted the floor ro swallow me up on a daily basis. At least its not that bad 😜

Original poster
weirdwasp · 20/07/2024 18:47

user33992020 · 20/07/2024 18:46

Sorry I think he's just not into you. The work thing didnt bother him before so why suddenly now?

I am sorry OP but thats just life sometimes, dont dwell on it and move on.

That's fine, I'm not bothered, I just wish he didn't act so awkward but that's on him I guess.

OP posts:
user33992020 · 20/07/2024 18:46

Sorry I think he's just not into you. The work thing didnt bother him before so why suddenly now?

I am sorry OP but thats just life sometimes, dont dwell on it and move on.

Original poster
weirdwasp · 20/07/2024 18:44

quickoffthemark · 20/07/2024 18:44

reread your own op

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So the work scenario was all fabricated you reckon?

OP posts:
quickoffthemark · 20/07/2024 18:44

weirdwasp · 20/07/2024 18:43

Why do you assume he definitely doesn't fancy me?

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reread your own op

Original poster
weirdwasp · 20/07/2024 18:43

quickoffthemark · 20/07/2024 18:43

because he doesn’t fancy the OP?

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Why do you assume he definitely doesn't fancy me?

OP posts:
quickoffthemark · 20/07/2024 18:43

Footbull · 20/07/2024 16:28

I'd say he has a gf or wife

because he doesn’t fancy the OP?

Original poster
weirdwasp · 20/07/2024 18:41

I've decided it's just not worth worrying about. Caring will probably just feed his ego, I'll just keep a positive attitude.

OP posts:
FuzzyStripes · 20/07/2024 17:09

I am guessing that he has decided that he doesn’t like you enough, or doesn’t want to take the time to see if he likes you enough, to want to want to take the gamble of going further in case things don’t work out.

Original poster
weirdwasp · 20/07/2024 17:07

He also made a comment about how he went through heartbreak at work and he doesn't want our younger colleague/friend to go through it, so he tried to tell him not to pursue the girl he liked?

OP posts:
Original poster
weirdwasp · 20/07/2024 17:06

I think he could be a little paranoid as he told me that he was worried about HR and stating how any female could report him for having made her feel uncomfortable, but they wouldn't even need proof? Rest assured I'm not going to report him!

OP posts:
MyBigFatGreekSalad · 20/07/2024 17:00

TheHuntSyndicate · 20/07/2024 16:26

Don't kiss men before you are in an established relationship otherwise it leads to awkward situations like this.

This is such a mumsnet response 😂😂😂

Original poster
weirdwasp · 20/07/2024 16:53

Yeah I think the best I can do now is act like nothing happened.
He might relax eventually, but I know it's best if I just act like I really don't care.

OP posts:
leeverarch · 20/07/2024 16:51

They say you should never mix business with pleasure, so it is possible that he thinks it would be a bad idea because you are colleagues.

TwattyMcFuckFace · 20/07/2024 16:50

Footbull · 20/07/2024 16:28

I'd say he has a gf or wife

Why?

I'd say he's either done what he set out to do...which is prove to himself he could have a relationship with OP if he wanted to.

Or he's gone off her for whatever reason.

Or he's telling the truth because he's thought it out or someone advised him against an office romance.

There could be many reasons really 🤷‍♀️

BobbyBiscuits · 20/07/2024 16:50

I don't know what you think is a lie? That he thinks it's too awkward, or the fact he liked you enough to kiss you?
Either way he doesn't want to go further. I hope you won't find it awkward at work, there's no need for it to be.
Sometimes it happens. Just forget him in the romantic sense and be civil at work, and someone else who likes you will come along.

Sunshinethrumywindow · 20/07/2024 16:49

It'll soon be back to normal, you won't be the first or last person to have a thing with someone in work. I've seen alot go on in office parties so trust me you have nothing to feel awkward about. You need to try and laugh it off and just walk past him and pretend nothing happened. It'll soon be in the past. It's on him really if he felt that way about it so shouldn't of kissed you in the first place.

GuinnessBird · 20/07/2024 16:48

If he's that immature then what was he thinking dating a colleague in the first place?!

Original poster
weirdwasp · 20/07/2024 16:46

KreedKafer · 20/07/2024 16:41

Maybe he’s just scared that being chatty and matey with you will give you the wrong idea, and he doesn’t want to lead you on. (I know you wouldn’t get the wrong idea! You obviously know the score. But perhaps he’s just wary of not wanting to look like he’s messing with your head.)

Hopefully, as you say, he’ll chill out eventually and be a bit less awkward and stressy!

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Yeah, it likely is that tbh. He just acts like I've got two heads and practically runs past my desk!!
It's a shame, but nothing I can do.. I'll just try to avoid work dating.

OP posts:
KreedKafer · 20/07/2024 16:41

weirdwasp · 20/07/2024 16:36

Yeah, I do understand it and I'll try to not take it personal. I wish he didn't completely act funny at work but he might come round eventually.

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Maybe he’s just scared that being chatty and matey with you will give you the wrong idea, and he doesn’t want to lead you on. (I know you wouldn’t get the wrong idea! You obviously know the score. But perhaps he’s just wary of not wanting to look like he’s messing with your head.)

Hopefully, as you say, he’ll chill out eventually and be a bit less awkward and stressy!

MounjaroUser · 20/07/2024 16:41

He may well be the type of man who just goes for really short relationships and panicked at the thought of being known for that if he slept with you and then dumped you.

Lambiriyani · 20/07/2024 16:40

Maybe he just wanted a snog?

Original poster
weirdwasp · 20/07/2024 16:39

KreedKafer · 20/07/2024 16:37

He isn’t under any obligation. You had a date, it didn’t feel right to him for whatever reason, and he’s been very clear to you that he doesn’t want it to continue. He doesn’t have to justify himself any more than he already has. And in the unlikely event that he did think “Eww, she’s an awful kisser” (which I strongly doubt) or something, he isn’t ever going to tell you that, for obvious reasons. You just need to accept it’s a non-starter and move on.

I've not expected him to justify himself and I'm fully aware he doesn't need to.
It's just awkward at work now, which is the thing he says he wanted to avoid.

OP posts:
OnAndOnAndonAgain · 20/07/2024 16:38

TheHuntSyndicate · 20/07/2024 16:26

Don't kiss men before you are in an established relationship otherwise it leads to awkward situations like this.

What? That's madness

I think he's just thought about it and decided the potential for things to get awkward isn't something he wants