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Original poster

colleague kissed me and then ghosted me

68 replies

weirdwasp · 20/07/2024 16:04

There seemed to be a mutual interest, we started talking, texting, met up, and kissed.

Then suddenly he backtracked, acted like nothing happened. I confronted him and he said 'This has too much potential to be awkward, it's too risky, I'm really sorry. It's just not a good idea.'
Fwiw we're in an open plan office of around 100 people, on the same floor.
The only time we see each other is walking through the office/lunchtime/arriving and leaving, our work is totally separate.
Do you think it was genuine from him? Or just a lie? I told him it was fine, now he just looks sheepish and tries to avoid me.

OP posts:
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onhols81 · 21/07/2024 07:36

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Original poster
weirdwasp · 20/07/2024 21:47

Emmanuelll · 20/07/2024 21:44

Don't worry - that person is being spiteful. Ignore them. There's a lot of bullies on MN these days.

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Thank you.
I can totally understand if it sounds similar.
I'm sure I'm hardly the only person on here who's had an (unfortunate) dalliance with a colleague that didn't work out!
I have read similar things, and it does make me hesitant about the idea of colleagues in the future.
There are other men I've found attractive there but I'm more reluctant now.

OP posts:
Emmanuelll · 20/07/2024 21:44

weirdwasp · 20/07/2024 21:43

If I had posted before I would admit it, but sincerely, I haven't talked about this man before and hopefully I never will again, unless it's something more positive.

Don't worry - that person is being spiteful. Ignore them. There's a lot of bullies on MN these days.

Original poster
weirdwasp · 20/07/2024 21:43

If I had posted before I would admit it, but sincerely, I haven't talked about this man before and hopefully I never will again, unless it's something more positive.

OP posts:
Emmanuelll · 20/07/2024 21:43

My first thought was that he was thinking ahead to the possibility that you break up, there's bad feeling and the difficulties that you would then have at work.

Original poster
weirdwasp · 20/07/2024 21:41

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I think you've got me confused with someone else, I have not posted about this man.

I genuinely have no idea what you're referring to with the first job I've enjoyed. Sorry.

OP posts:
Original poster
weirdwasp · 20/07/2024 21:40

I think I've gotten all I need from this thread tbh, I don't see how it sounds teenagery but whatever.

He's not worth worrying about, If he wants to act awkward about what happened that's fine, I'll just get on with my job and not bother any further.

OP posts:
quickoffthemark · 20/07/2024 21:40

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Lambiriyani · 20/07/2024 21:39

I don't want to sound like rude, but this sounds kinda a bit teenagy

Original poster
weirdwasp · 20/07/2024 21:35

Nope, not posted this before.

OP posts:
quickoffthemark · 20/07/2024 21:31

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SuperBatFace · 20/07/2024 21:27

Are you serial poster, always posting about this stuff? Sounds very familiar

He clearly doesn't fancy you and that stings but it's life

BeepBeepBeepIsThatBleep · 20/07/2024 21:18

Footbull · 20/07/2024 16:28

I'd say he has a gf or wife

Or maybe he was just no longer interested…?

quickoffthemark · 20/07/2024 21:11

how old are you op? and him? how long have you been at the company?

Original poster
weirdwasp · 20/07/2024 20:55

To be fair, I'd probably feel pretty bad/embarrassed too if I kissed someone then suddenly decided I didn't want it. It's not a crime obviously but I guess the awkwardness line has been crossed.
I'm sure there might be other men there who have less of an issue with it (hopefully!)

OP posts:
Original poster
weirdwasp · 20/07/2024 20:48

quickoffthemark · 20/07/2024 20:24

you also started a thread at the same time about a friend (female) who isn’t replaying to your messages

OP… you are coming across as somewhat…. needy? you had one snog with a bloke you knew from work and now he feels a bit awkward as correctly senses you want more

and at the same time as thinking about that, you’re also cross with your friend for not messaging you

Of course I wanted more, that's why I kissed him. I wasn't really intending to just kiss him then nothing else.

I don't think I'm coming across as needy, no. It's normal to be a bit confused about a friend making plans then not following through, no longer initiating etc.

OP posts:
quickoffthemark · 20/07/2024 20:24

you also started a thread at the same time about a friend (female) who isn’t replaying to your messages

OP… you are coming across as somewhat…. needy? you had one snog with a bloke you knew from work and now he feels a bit awkward as correctly senses you want more

and at the same time as thinking about that, you’re also cross with your friend for not messaging you

quickoffthemark · 20/07/2024 20:18

TwattyMcFuckFace · 20/07/2024 18:52

There's an OP who posts repeatedly about an almost identical situation.

I'll see if I can find some of their threads OP, you might appreciate some of the advice on them.

oh i know that one

They have some serious issues going on. Tbh they sound very very odd indeed

Original poster
weirdwasp · 20/07/2024 19:34

Hillrunning · 20/07/2024 19:32

I'm far more concerned about his strange comment about any woman at work being able to accuse him of making them uncomfortable without evidence. Normal men who aren't creepy don't worry about such things. I really hope he hadn't said theat before you decided to kiss him.

Yeah it was a bit OTT. I mean, he wasn't just talking about himself, but any man in the office really. He said asking a colleague out is a HR risk. I was thinking, well you've basically done it!

OP posts:
Hillrunning · 20/07/2024 19:32

I'm far more concerned about his strange comment about any woman at work being able to accuse him of making them uncomfortable without evidence. Normal men who aren't creepy don't worry about such things. I really hope he hadn't said theat before you decided to kiss him.

Original poster
weirdwasp · 20/07/2024 18:56

If he is just using the work as a get out then honestly think that's quite cowardly.
I'd also be careful with stuff like that.
A friend of mine rejected a guy last year at work, using the same excuse. 2 months later he got a new job, then asked her out again. She had to then tell him the truth because she'd given him false hope.
It's just better to not make up lies from the start.

OP posts:
Original poster
weirdwasp · 20/07/2024 18:54

Buildingthefuture · 20/07/2024 18:53

I’d say he is either in a relationship or he just doesn’t fancy you. Neither of which are any reflection on you. If he’s in a relationship, he’s a sleezy twat bag. If he doesn’t fancy you? So what? I know lots of perfectly attractive, nice men that I just….don’t fancy? Nothing wrong with them at all, they just don’t float my particular boat.
Be bright and breezy at work, it will pass.

I don't think he's in a relationship, but if he is I've had a very lucky escape, I'd be so angry though.

OP posts:
Original poster
weirdwasp · 20/07/2024 18:53

TwattyMcFuckFace · 20/07/2024 18:52

There's an OP who posts repeatedly about an almost identical situation.

I'll see if I can find some of their threads OP, you might appreciate some of the advice on them.

Thank you!

OP posts:
Buildingthefuture · 20/07/2024 18:53

I’d say he is either in a relationship or he just doesn’t fancy you. Neither of which are any reflection on you. If he’s in a relationship, he’s a sleezy twat bag. If he doesn’t fancy you? So what? I know lots of perfectly attractive, nice men that I just….don’t fancy? Nothing wrong with them at all, they just don’t float my particular boat.
Be bright and breezy at work, it will pass.

TwattyMcFuckFace · 20/07/2024 18:52

There's an OP who posts repeatedly about an almost identical situation.

I'll see if I can find some of their threads OP, you might appreciate some of the advice on them.