Is DH going out with his ex normal?

Please remember you are the outsider joining a family who for a variety of reasons no longer live together.

Not at all. The children are his family, he is divorced and his new wife is also his family. His ex no longer is.

But it sounds like in your situation everyone is included, op isn’t invited along so it’s completely different

You've only been together 2 years and you're married already and planning IVF, after having disagreements about this?

I'd say you both need to slow right down.

You're not being unreasonable about his behaviour but you've rushed into marriage, don't make the same mistake by rushing into having children.

It's a strong no from me.

They've split. The kids need to understand that too. The happy families thing is confusing IMO.

At the very least you should be invited also.

Good grief no you are not being unreasonable! I’d consider this to be a date.
Some men don’t understand boundaries; he’s probably completely unaware he’s upsetting you.
You just need to tell him straight what his parameters are; I’m sure he’ll comply. If you don’t you’ll get more of the same behavior.

If you could get a ticket and go then it seems less abnormal as it’s good for the kids if their parents get along. But if it’s something you’re explicitly not “allowed” to attend then that is a bit weird. Do you get on with his kids?

If you end up having kids together he can’t cut himself in half every weekend with his two families can he? So either you all get along altogether which I think in some cases can work or you actually act like separated families and he sees the kids just when it’s “his turn” but this in between of keeping you separate and playing house with his ex is going to run into issues if he has children with you.

He's going on a day to a castle with a bunch of kids, it's not exactly a romantic night in a hotel "for work."

Amazed that so many people think a day trip coparenting is overstepping the mark. Hardly going to be a romantic affair with snotty nosed kids yelling for ice cream and tugging on sleeves all the time.

Could you go along too?

How old are the kids?

I think going out for the day with them is a good thing. It really helps the kids when their parents get on, and it’s special for them to see their parents being friendly.

But, as the kids get old enough, his primary relationship should be with them. So he may need to think about things like letting them have a phone (with lots of limits) earlier than he might otherwise, so that he can send those photos directly to them, not via his ex wife. If they already have phones, he should be contacting them directly.

I do think you need a conversation around appropriate boundaries, but I don’t think he’s acted wildly inappropriately here.

I dunno I think it’s fine. Definitely fine if you are invited along. And much better than the two parents hating each other. What’s wrong with having a chat on FaceTime after the kids? There’s a world of difference between a chat and wanting to be still married! I sometimes chat to my kids dad, even though I think he’s an idiot, and he used to crash at ours when he saw the kids ( lives miles away) which was irritating but didn’t mean anything.
Its good if everyone can get along.

I never had a problem with my Husband doing this. He and his ex wife are parents of their children. It's a good thing for those children to experience both parents functioning as civilised reasonable adults who both operate in their childrens' best interests and can demonstrate a healthy mother father example even if they are no longer married. That relationship will never be the same as a relationship between a parent and step parent with children. Some relationships split up because couples are just no longer in love/ suited romantically not because of any acrimony and can do a great job of showing a family example at times with their children while still following their own life romantically.

I've always been extremely secure in where and how I stand so it's never bothered me in the slightest, my husband and his ex wife used to take their children in holiday together while we were together as did we, it didn't bother me as I had no doubt about their relationship. How've families do come in so many firms and the degree of connection, interaction and friendliness is so varied you need to find a balance that suits all of you. There are alway's going to be times when parents need to do things together as they share children, imagine, graduations, engagements, weddings and births if grandchildren. It gets complicated, trust me!! These all lie ahead of you so having an easy relationship now will serve you well.

Having said all of this, I've also had 2 round s of IVF and one natural pregnancy, 2 of the 3 times I was nuts! Extremely emotional, over reactive and pretty much unable to cope with anything or put it into perspective so I understand this probably feels huge If I was you I'd speak to your partner, explain your feeling a bit all over the place and insecure, speak his ex, I spoke to my husbands ex a fair bit, she came and saw our baby when he was born, she genuinely wanted the best for him. Just tell them you feel wobbly, she's been pregnant so knows it can be tough. It can allay your fears. You'll probably get people saying otherwise but you'll be stuck with her and those children forever. So make your life easier. Good luck with the pregnancy. Sending love.

Possibly because it is the children's mother that has bought the tickets as it says in the OP.

All this.
You've moved forward in this relationship very quickly.

From the kid’s point of view their Mum is still their Mum and their Dad is still their Dad, so both parents are still the children’s family members even though they are no longer together. It’s not about healthy or unhealthy, that is simply a fact. Surely it’s more healthy for the two ex partners to be friendly and be able to operate as parents although not as partners? I would disagree that they are uncoupled financially though, both parents still have a financial responsibility towards their children whether they are together or not. Unless you are saying that whichever parent is no longer living with the children is no longer responsible for them and no longer a parent? I can think of lots of Dads who would agree with you! 😂

This.

Haha, yeah right!

No. That is absolutely NOT ok.
He's having his cake and eating it I'm afraid. I would seriously take a good look at your relationship.
Its NEVER ok to sleep over with an ex, EVER!

Which is a really unhealthy view for the children to have.

What?! No. That’s fucking weird.

Completely agree with this @missmam

Not necessarily. Every family is different. When I got divorced I tried to make sure that my ex still had a relationship with his children (I left him) for their sake, even though he was less than reliable. Eventually he moved away, remarried and had another child, at which point he dropped my children almost completely. My eldest in particular was very hurt. You are right to say this is very common, and perhaps this is what the ex in this situation fears. It might have nothing to do with her personal relationship with him at all! She may be worried that when the new wife has a child he will forget all about his other children. But the only way to find out is if they talk to each other. My children are now both grown up, and it is up to them whether they see their father or not. They don’t through choice, and before long her husband’s kids will grow up and then it will be up to them, the ex wife will have no say in the matter x

He is being decent and doing the right thing for his children @TeaGinandFags

He's buttering his bread both sides.

Tell him that you totally understand that he needs to play happy families and be present in the family home as you hand him his divorce papers.

There are plenty of decent men out there. Grab one.

@SemperIdem to the children they do remain a family as two adults they are simply uncoupled financially.

She’s not an “outsider” she’s the kids’ step mum and possible mother of half siblings. She’s an integral part of the family unit and not someone who must humbly be elbowed out because the mother of the children wants to pretend she doesn’t exist.