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Original poster

To think if he wanted a second date, I'd have heard by now?

227 replies

KookyUmberQuoter · 20/07/2024 13:51

I went on a first date with a guy from an app 5 days ago. Date lasted around 2 hours, it was a walk in the park (literally, not figuratively!) and I made sure I had an easy out.

He looked a bit nervous at the start but then warmed up. It wasn't flirty but I'm someone who needs time to warm up. We had a great chat, made jokes and seemed to have lots in common.

At the end of it we just quickly hugged and said 'take care, bye!' he didn't suggest a second date or say anything about seeing me again.

I've not heard from him since. I'm possibly clutching at straws here but maybe he thought I wasn't interested? I was the one to end the date first and I didn't flirt or say anything about meeting again.
However part of me just thinks, if he'd been interested, I'd have a message by now.

OP posts:
Thulpelly · 20/07/2024 18:17

KookyUmberQuoter · 20/07/2024 14:41

I got rejected back in January, it was due to 'working together ' but ime it was just a cop out.
Then I was interested in someone but he was married and he never found out anyway as a result, so I guess it wasn't a rejection.
Can I handle a second rejection this year? Not sure.. maybe my skin isn't that thick after all.

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I would take some time out of dating and ‘date yourself’ - treat yourself really well, build up your confidence and self esteem. I get how you feel OP! Have been in your shoes.

Ihaveneedofwaternear · 20/07/2024 18:15

Just do it. You liked him and want to see him again, so be adult about it and just tell him that. No need to play games or hang around or wait a set number of days. I messaged my husband first on a dating site, suggested the first meet up, and messaged after. He said later than it was so good to have a woman be straightforward about it all, so he didn't have to worry about being too forward. But he's not a game player or a player at all, so maybe it depends on the man.

Go for it, OP, literally nothing to lose. And then maybe work on how hard you find rejection...

Turophilic · 20/07/2024 18:14

I will be honest, OP, I’ve been out of the dating game for nearly as long as Meowz, but I have rarely come across such consistently sexist claptrap about men and women as she spouts.

Even in the early 90s that stuff was outdated caveman bollocks.

HebburnPokemon · 20/07/2024 18:10

MyBreezyPombear · 20/07/2024 17:31

OP just message him.

You're over thinking it.

The worst it can be is a no, that's it.

This. Life is too short.

Wontletmeusemynormalname · 20/07/2024 18:07

Ever crossed your mind he may be thinking you are not interested in him? We are in the feminism era, maybe he's waiting on you making the first move. Maybe he doesn't like rejection.

Wontletmeusemynormalname · 20/07/2024 18:06

KookyUmberQuoter · 20/07/2024 17:25

Still deciding whether to message or not..

You've nothing to lose. If you don't like rejection, you are not in the right place to be on dating apps. I'm married but hear on here and from friends that dating today is brutal.

Thursdaygirl · 20/07/2024 18:05

I’m on the fence - I tend to agree that if he was interested you would know by now, but a light hearted text can’t do any harm? But if he doesn’t reply then leave it?

PennyPugwash · 20/07/2024 18:01

If he wanted to, he would.

I'd leave it

ruffler45 · 20/07/2024 17:59

KookyUmberQuoter · 20/07/2024 17:25

Still deciding whether to message or not..

Just do it !!

After some light hearted banter with a woman at work nothing too serious (I was widowed she was divorced) I uummed and aayed about asking her out, so at the end of an run of mill email to her at work, I added a PS asking her out. That email spent an awful long time on my screen before I hit the enter key!

Anyway after 25 years...

Roundandback · 20/07/2024 17:49

My rule of thumb is if you have doubts about messaging then don't do it.

Summerflames · 20/07/2024 17:38

KookyUmberQuoter · 20/07/2024 17:25

Still deciding whether to message or not..

Ah just do it OP. If it's a no, it's a no. At least you'll know for sure.

No regrets!

MyBreezyPombear · 20/07/2024 17:36

@ThatsCute thank you, 5 days seemed to be specific to me so just wondered why.

ThatsCute · 20/07/2024 17:34

MyBreezyPombear · 20/07/2024 17:32

Why 5 days?

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OP said it’a been 5 days. I’d leave it to Wed-Thurs, to see if he wanted to meet up for a coffee at the weekend. That would then be two weeks from the initial date. Just my personal advice; OP should do what’s best for her.

MounjaroUser · 20/07/2024 17:32

Is there anything that you chatted about on your date that you could refer to now, so that rather than asking if he's free or anything like that, could you say "Did you watch X? What did you think?" or something like that. You might know what he's thinking from his replies.

MyBreezyPombear · 20/07/2024 17:32

ThatsCute · 20/07/2024 17:31

Give it 5 more days—what I would do if I were you (speaking as someone who asked my DH out on a date).

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Why 5 days?

MyBreezyPombear · 20/07/2024 17:31

OP just message him.

You're over thinking it.

The worst it can be is a no, that's it.

ThatsCute · 20/07/2024 17:31

KookyUmberQuoter · 20/07/2024 17:25

Still deciding whether to message or not..

Give it 5 more days—what I would do if I were you (speaking as someone who asked my DH out on a date).

Original poster
KookyUmberQuoter · 20/07/2024 17:25

Still deciding whether to message or not..

OP posts:
brentwoods · 20/07/2024 17:19

Meowzabubz · 20/07/2024 14:10

No.

Even if he's not interested, if you chase him he probably will respond. Because it strokes his ego to be chased and he might as well play around with you until something better comes along. Sex and attention from somebody you don't like is better than no sex attention. Especially when that person likes you more than you like them.

You are setting yourself up to be hurt.

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This. 100 times over. Unless you want to do all the work in a future relationship, let it lie.

whinginglittlefucker · 20/07/2024 17:12

27 years

whinginglittlefucker · 20/07/2024 17:12

I have no idea why people think women have to be so princessy, waiting around to be asked again, while men take the initiative. If you liked him and got a good vibe, message him and suggest another date. I asked my DP of 27 out for our first date.

Savoretti · 20/07/2024 16:42

If your date was 5 days ago it’s a bit odd to message now saying you had a nice time - if that happened to me I would assume the guy had been rejected by someone else in between and I was last option

EleanorMc67 · 20/07/2024 16:38

rmc2001 · 20/07/2024 14:56

It's not about chasing though.
If you're always the one to make the first move / start the conversation / send the first message then yeah thats an unbalanced amount of effort and not worth pursuing.
But equally, expecting him to always make the first move is also super unbalanced. And he might think that you're not actually that interested in him because you never make any effort to message unless he does first.
Relationships should be equal, and they're always going to work better if you both put effort into communicating.
I'm really sorry that you've been treated badly by men in the past, but I think you also have some internalised sexism/slut-shaming going on here.

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Completely agree - though I don't think it's internalised at all, otherwise Meowzabubz wouldn't be spouting so much warped nonsense! Misandrist is, I believe, the opposite of misogynist, which is how her "advice" comes across in the sweeping generalisations about the utter ghastliness of men. I find it quite disturbing ...

ruffler45 · 20/07/2024 16:37

A lighthearted message to him would not go amiss, no suggesting a date, sort of hows your day/week been.

He is probably as nervous as you !!

Rachelandmarty · 20/07/2024 16:35

I think a walk in a park sounds like a perfect date to me! I can’t see why that would be a bad choice of first date? I’d much rather than than going out for dinner, which I find awkward and too ‘staged’ if that makes sense.

good luck op, keep us updated, but don’t be too disheartened if you don’t hear back. I’m on the side of thinking most men will move heaven and earth when they are interested… certainly always been the case in my experience. The ones I had to chase weren’t into me nearly as much as I was into them. Sad but true!