To think my DD17 is overthinking her bf's porn watching

Lol, no, I think you will find your male fantasy echo chamber is wrong. The majority of people don't approve of porn. Sorry, but it's a fact. Your porn fantasy is not real life. Sorry.

I think anti porn women seem like they're something out of the handmaid's tale.

Being anti porn is not the same as simply not personally enjoying porn.

“I think you feel bad about your mum tum or whatever and weird at your partner enjoying someone else's body. All industries involve power disparity.”

And there it is: The female shaming and gaslighting-laced coercion into lowering our expectations and principles as women while minimising and therefore upholding misogyny.
Women serving other women thorns as fruit. Sad. You sound like you’re reading from an abuser’s script.

I've been on MN for 15 years and I see no change at all when it comes to the general view on porn.

Had to smile at the slippery slope of not thinking porn is ok. Yea its such a slippery slope, what on earth will we object to next 🤣

that can happily coexist.

No, they can't. Because porn is harmful and dangerous. It can never happily coexist in a safe, fair society.

I think your daughter has strong morals. You should be supporting her not making out it's a common thing.

Tbf I assumed they meant with a partner, my bad.

Rest of your post irrelevant tbf, as that poster seemed to struggle with the idea that a woman can orgasm without porn.

Yes of course we try to avoid unethical things.

But just because some clothing brands use child labour and are unethical, doesn’t mean we should all stop buying clothes.

We just try and buy from shops that sell clothes that are ethically made.

Same with porn.

We don’t need to stop watching porn completely, we just need to try and make sure the porn being watched is ethical.

Boys will be boys eh op? 🙄

Good for her. Perhaps you should take a leaf out of her book.

Exactly this!

Good for her for having her boundaries and for sticking to them. She made a very reasonable request of him and gave him her very good reasons for the request. He showed her disrespect. He lied. He does not deserved her. Well done that girl.

Good for her. What a great girl. I wish more women would dump porn addled blokes.

I don’t think she should worry about what others think. If it makes her feel insecure then that’s enough. Some women will be ok with it, some won’t. Some women will watch too and some won’t. It’s irrelevant, it’s how it makes her feel. If he loves her snd knows it makes her insecure then he should stop .

@Choochoo21 There was a thread on here about what would put you off dating someone and some of them were absolutely batshit in my eyes (e.g. not reading fiction books) but that’s absolutely the persons choice and right to have whatever boundaries they want.

My favourite ones are the women who say they are turned off by men who use their seatbelt or indicators when they're driving. I think a minority of women, unfortunately, have a very distorted perspective of masculinity.

However I'm shocked at how judgey and rude some posters are. Isn't this a forum for advice?

Unfortunately MN ain’t what it used to be ten years ago. For a couple of years now it’s been on a slippery slope.

@Choochoo21 "Some porn is unethical.
But so are some clothing shops, food industries, businesses etc."

Indeed. But surely we try to avoid unethical things as much as possible. Particularly the completely inessential things.

Personally , I have no issues with porn at all . I know my husband watches it, I know he gets off on it when he’s in the mood and I’m not . He has needs , don’t bother me in the slightest . But for some it’s a deal breaker .

I don’t think you can tell her that she should be ok with it , shes not and it’s her choice .

I do think at 17 , she’s very young and her feelings might change in the future but that is how she feels right now . At that young age if my daughter was unhappy in her relationship for any reason, big or small, I certainly wouldn’t be encouraging her to work at it, or put up with it . She’s 17 , she’s young . Let her go out and date other people and find what she wants in a relationship. A long term relationship at 17 - that obviously started at 15 , as a child - isn’t something that should be “ worked on “ save that for when she’s older and let her enjoy her life .

She's perfectly right to finish the relationship since he's done something which she will not tolerate.

I wouldn't tolerate someone going through my internet history. Absolute deal-breaker for me, just as porn is for her.

There is nothing wrong with recognising your own insecurities we all have them

Porn has had a terrible negative impact on society particularly for woman

the daughters op is doing the opposite of being insecure she is owning her feelings she is setting her own boundaries this should be encouraged

You’ve somehow raised a strong and sensible daughter.

Be proud of her and support her.

I don’t get this whole “porn is awful” vs “porn is great” issue.

Some people enjoy watching porn - good for them.

Some people don’t enjoy watching porn - good for them.

Some porn is unethical.
But so are some clothing shops, food industries, businesses etc.

If DD doesn’t want a partner who watches it, then that’s up to her.

If it means staying single for the rest of her life, then so be it.
I’d rather stay single than be in relationship with someone who makes me feel uncomfortable.

There was a thread on here about what would put you off dating someone and some of them were absolutely batshit in my eyes (e.g. not reading fiction books) but that’s absolutely the persons choice and right to have whatever boundaries they want.
And good for them for sticking to them.

Oh nice, we're at the "Hot Girls Love Porn" stage of the debate. We're all ugly if we don't like it, right?

No, she should work on her self esteem otherwise life will be miserable for her.

The boyfriend and porn is irrelevant in this part.

She felt insecure that she wasn't attractive enough I assume which is probably 100% not true.

Of course a lot of the women are attractive. Not all but some very much so.

@OptimismvsRealism "I also genuinely wonder how women who are horrified by porn get off."

Remarkably easily, in my case. Alone. With others. Just not by exploiting other women.

@OptimismvsRealism Do you care about the exploitation of the children who mined the metals inside the device you're currently using to access Mumsnet?

The average woman on mumsnet doesn't do a hands-on job. They are office workers on exceptionally high salaries in excess of £50,000. So I would say it's likely that the health risks of metal mining are completely unknown to them.

My god. Totally this. Your dd sounds amazing.