To think my DD17 is overthinking her bf's porn watching

I'm saying exploitation exists everywhere and we don't have to pin our flags to just one type. Ideally we would all take a stand against all forms of it. Gold mining for example is linked to all types of exploitation, including the trafficking of girls for sexual exploitation into the jungle for the employees of the mines. I stand by that some people ignore the types of exploitation they are party to whilst being outraged by others.

Thank you everyone for posting; it has sparked some really thought-provoking debate. Thanks especially to those who posted without being insulting as I think the thread has demonstrated that there's no clear consensus and everyone's opinion is valid. Those who posted judgemental or snidey comments to me or other posters stilt the discussion but I've been interested to read the views of others and it has helped me find a balanced narrative I think.
Just to clarify, I'd never seek to impose my views upon my daughter who has - to her credit - her own developed sense of morality which we don't have to agree on. I'm proud that she's mature enough to want to discuss this sensitive topic with me - I'm sure there are many things she also keeps private and that's fine. Personally and from reading the views of others I can see various points of view. Regarding the bf we know him well and he is very respectful thoughtful and caring from what we can see. She is too. They have a generally honest and open relationship (until now maybe!) and I'm pretty sure this isn't a case of him being addicted to porn or even using it regularly - she saw he had gone on some site since she had told him she doesn't like it. They are not sexually intimate which is her choice and he is fine with this (rightly so, obv). But I guess this might be one reason she feels insecure. I do worry about young people tracking each other, checking each other's phones etc as they are not learning the tricky area of trust like this and as some have pointed out, we are all entitled to privacy. I also think it's important for young people to be able to talk to parents about sensitive issues because there are so many distorted messages out there, especially on social media, and this may well be one root of insecurity too. Personally I'm glad my DD can raise her worries with me. I have not given her any kind of judgement from my side or imposed any view but I wanted to ensure she was considering other perspectives too before she throws away what until now has been a very important relationship for her. Of course whatever she decides is her choice and I'd never make her feel bad for having principles or making her own decisions (unlike some posters on here!)
On the subject of exploitation I agree that it is an exploitative industry and that it promotes a distorted view of sex but! I really agreed with posters who pointed out the hyprocrasy of some.. Exploitation is everywhere. The gold on your wedding rings comes often from horrific exploitation for example. Clothes too. The meat and dairy industries are exploitative of animals on a global scale and linked to much cruelty. We - especially in industrialised countries - continue to exploit the planet to the detriment of entire populations. And every time you read about youth violence or drug running I can almost guarantee that those kids (that many would villify) are being exploitated in some way or another, and mistreated by the adults around them who in turn were probably also victimised and traumatised as children. Not to detract from their responsibility for their actions, but just to illustrate the point that we turn a blind eye to a lot of exploitation. But these are not popular issues to consider - perhaps because they are too close to home.
My DD hasn't yet made up her mind about what to do and she's feeling miserable but I'm sure she'll work through it, and consider all angles. It's been really helpful to read all the comments and it has left me unsure still but definitely with the benefit of more points of view. V thought provoking. 1..should she be insisting on checking his phone? (I don't think so personally) 2.. Either way he shouldn't have lied and if they've agreed a certain boundary he should stick to it 3.. I agree she needs to work on her self esteem 4... I AM proud of her in so many ways 5... Porn is often exploitative and misrepresentative, perhaps damaging if used excessively (I don't think this is the case here) but it's also popular and here to stay. It's also only one of many areas of exploitation in our world and 6.. I'm quite shocked about the rude tone of some posters. Thank you so much for others who have been respectful in giving their opinions and some even for challenging the rudeness of others. MN should be for respectful advice, opinion and debate, and not a means for some people to be sanctimonious and devaluing of the voices of others. But honestly thank you so much to everyone else for taking the time to give your views... It has definitely been helpful for me