To think my DD17 is overthinking her bf's porn watching

Weird comment. Nothing has been written in this discussion thread to suggest that anyone is an incel.

Don't engage with the herberts/incels, they LOVE it so they do. 🤩

I don't like hamsters but if it were kitten Vs baby it depends

Yes I am aware. It's still only a sex life half lived imo.

That doesn't show I "instinctively" know the value of human life. People's behaviours are not just instinctive, but learned also. But is it right that people learn that human lives are worth more than other lives? Well I don't know, but I've never heard a compelling argument as to why humans are worth more than animals.

Though I will not be discussing further after this comment as this will go off-topic.

Actually if your partner ends up with all sorts of health problems due to smoking and you end up being the one to pick up the peices then it does involve you as the partner. What you said is silly. Smoking causes lung cancer. My husband has already had two scares so I can safely say smoking does affect your partner. Lots of ppl have an issue with smoking and has no relevance to trying to control someone.

If you were in a burning building and you can save a hamster or a baby but not both who would you save? Your answer will tell you the reason, you instinctively know the value of human life.

Whenever I read about discussions like this, there is always an implied assumption that a man or woman's life is of higher value than an animal's life or the environment.

I'm not saying that assumption is wrong... but why is it right either? All I am saying here is that I have never actually heard any convincing logical or ethical argument as to why a human life is worth more than an animal's.

@SoreAndTired1 Men who have a high sex drive can get themselves off without watching porn, you know....

Well yes that's true, by thinking about a coworker, acquaintance, or friend.

But isn't that worse than looking at porn? If a man wanks by thinking about a woman he knows, that woman hasn't consented. Whereas a woman who poses naked for a camera has done so on the understanding that men will view it for sexual gratification.

I don't think she snooped I think she demanded to see his phone, which also shouldn't happen.

I can't believe you think that your job as a parent (dad, right?) is to train your daughter to be a compliant wife.

Just back off. And be proud of her that against all odds, given how you've tried to raise her, she can stick up for herself with a boy.

@Megifer No his phone is a smartphone. He just can't use it for anything other than work and calls/whatsapp

So it's a work phone. But no one can stop him from using it for other purposes.

Dirty magazines 🤣🤣🤣 good one. I dont even know how I'd feel about those tbh, apart from wondering if I'd been transported back to 1985.

I'm not sure why you're laughing. Dirty magazines are still in production, so there's nothing to stop people buying and looking at them.

Looking at dirty magazines was basically the only way we could know what women's bodies looked like before the internet existed.

You are way too invested in your dds private life.

@OptimismvsRealism I could direct you to wide range of very sexy erotic literature if you like?

Don't rubbish your Daughters morals.

Are you incapable of conjuring up images in your head? Do you lack that much creativity that you HAVE to see a naked body physically in order to be turned on? How sad, and limiting.

What a silly thing to say when she’s actively asked her mum for advice. Why are you being so obtuse?!

Oh, you're having us on now. Anyone in a relationship has some rules. Monogamy, and the details of how to conduct open relationships, are rules. And everyone has preferences or behaviour that make other people incompatible as sexual or romantic partners. For example, many people have that someone not be a misogynist, not a rapist, not a liar, not a porn addict on their list of unacceptable behaviour.

I personally don't find people who find televised sexual exploitation to be very fun. Each to their own.

It is a bit weird though (on the off chance you're being genuine, which I'm starting to doubt) that you really can't imagine that some women really don't like porn. It would do absolutely nothing for me, on any level. I actually don't find watching other people have sex a turn on. And I certainly don't find the clinical and choreographed exploitative sex of pornos a turn on. It's such a ridiculous thing to insist everyone like. Imagine someone very into anime tentacle prob absolutely insisting that everyone must like it. That's how this feels.

I'm even more convinced of this after op's updates.

The thing about not buying gold because of the gold miners in the jungle abusing women was a real reach.

Op, we are not going to validate your choices here. Go to reddit. You will not convince us that buying a wedding ring or a phone with a small amount of precious metals, is at all ethically comparable to supporting the porn industry. Give up.

Not sure I understood how she found this out, but it sounds like she crossed some boundaries by checking his personal accounts browsing history. Not that it’s necessarily your business either but maybe have a word about whether it’s ok to do that. I would let her know that it’s ok to end a relationship for whatever reason that makes her uncomfortable and that you support her. But that she won’t be able to tell anyone they’re not allowed to watch porn, she can only decide if that’s a dealbreaker for her.

Well, I guess you could be non porn polyamorous. But this seems niche.

It's a rule that requires only looking at one ageing naked body as a source of sexual pleasure for the rest of your life! That's pretty all encompassing.

At 17, your DD’s boyfriend is very impressionable. They have been together for two years so were, and still are very young. Porn introduces people to aspects of sex that are very extreme and can lead to unwanted scenarios in relationships.

Your DD has clear boundaries and the boyfriend has chosen to break that boundary. Good on her for sticking by her principles, it will stand her well throughout her life.

Your boundaries aren't hers. When I had my first bf his porn habits made me feel insecure. I've grown up a lot now, and don't mind what my now-bf watches (well, you know what I mean), but that doesn't make my feelings back then any less valid.