To think my DD17 is overthinking her bf's porn watching

More than one thing can be true at the same time, you know.

Just because she doesn't like it because she is "insecure" (and by the way-this is what people commonly accuse women who don't like porn of being to undermine them) doesn't make her boundary less valid than if it was for ethical reasons.

You'd be "disappointed" that you had an insecure DD? Seriously? What a funny way to word that. Insecurity isn't a moral failing, you know. It's pretty normal for a teenager.

Regardless of her reasons for her boundary, she's allowed to have it and implement it in her relationship. Even if it's entirely because it makes her feel insecure, she's allowed to have that boundary and OP should be proud of her for it and not challenging it.

Firstly, all men do not look at porn.

Secondly, even if they did and that rendered her alone for the rest of her life-why is that a bad thing?

Do you think that people should just drop their standards to the Earth's core just to avoid being alone?

OP-you should be proud of your DD for having boundaries and sticking to them, not trying to shame her for them and scare her out of them. I hate this mentality. "Oh, a lot of men watch porn/do x, y and z, so you might as well drop your standards and accept it now!"

No, your daughter has a set a healthy boundary for herself, he crossed it and she stuck to her boundary. That's something to be proud of. So many people put up with people, sidestepping and crossing their boundaries for fear of being alone.

Your DD can have whatever boundary she wants and you should be supporting her, not challenging her to rethink. No wonder so many people struggle with boundaries when people question and challenge them for having them.

The op said her dd doesn't like porn because she is insecure. I'd be disappointed that I had an insecure dd tbh rather than proud.
Yes great have boundaries but confidence is surely a priority too.

I'd be very proud of her if I were you!!!

Too young to be stuck in a relationship these days

You are undermining her feelings by telling her everyone looks at porn (they don't )and if she doesn't like it is up to her to decide if she can put up with a boyfriend that gets his kicks from watching others have sex. She knows what she will accept in a relationship.

Sorry maybe I'm not being clear enough, I'll try and reword it - he literally cannot use his phone for anything other than work and calls/ whatsapp.

Laughing because I just can't picture him going into a shop that still sells them and squirreling them away somewhere. It's just not his style. How much are they now, a fiver? Think he'd rather buy a fivers worth of Galaxy choc tbh.

And yea I guess it was the only way for some men to get to see a naked female body. Ever. I can absolutely believe that. I've assumed you didn't actually mean that it was the only way 'we' could know what a woman's body looked like, even though that's what you said, because that would be an absolutely ridiculous statement to make.

@OptimismvsRealism "Why do you deny the capacity of the thousands of women who choose to act in pornography?"

I don't. Why do you deny the fact that thousands of others don't have that capacity through coercion, drug use and other forms of exploitation?

Filling the gaps 'by themselves' using memory or fantasy is not the same as using porn as a way to assist in the solo sex act.

Haunt them how? Because you'll judge them for it? Why and who cares what you think anyway?

I don’t particularly believe that many men abstain from porn. How frequently are they having sex with their partners? Because if it’s not every day or two, they will probably be filling in the gaps themselves - and with porn!

Hate to say this but, there seems to be a higher proportion of people believing their men never watch porn than I believe true. I work for an internet provider and we are able to categorise what is being accessed by customers in terms of popularity. Pornhub is constantly in the top 5 video sites. So a lot of people are certainly watching it!

@Nanny0gg Is that all that constitutes porn?

No, but there's nothing that's really standard in porn. It constitutes many different kinds of videos and images.

And she's pretty daft as those pictures may well come back to haunt her one day

Doubtful. They're only images. I can think of a thousand things that are a million times worse than having a naked photograph or video of myself online.

This, with bells on.

Do you deny that many of them haven't consented?

Is that all that constitutes porn?

And she's pretty daft as those pictures may well come back to haunt her one day

So you don't think a 17 year old upholding her boundaries which she has already set out in the relationship is something to be applauded?

Do you think people never took dirty photos of each other pre-smartphones? Jesus, me and DH were doing this 30 years ago! 😂

You applaud the dd for being insecure? If you read the op that was the reason she objected. Not much to applaud tbh.

Why do you feel you need porn in order to have a full sex life? What is lacking between you and your partner that you feel porn MUST be a part of it?

And if a woman takes a picture, or makes a video, of herself when she's naked and uploads it to the internet, is that not also consent?

To respond to the original question, I applaud the DD for her views and standing up for them. I'd be ashamed if my mum thought as the OP does.

Why do you deny the capacity of the thousands of women who choose to act in pornography? Do you know better?

Because presumably you consented

Are you so stupid you don't see the difference?

Or are you just enjoying being goady?

IPMSL !