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Original poster

To think my DD17 is overthinking her bf's porn watching

435 replies

Thegreatprocrastinator001 · 20/07/2024 13:20

So my DD has been with her bf for 2 years and they are close but also have their own social lives. They're due to go abroad together to stay with family in a week. Today DD is saying she won't go and never wants to speak to him again bc she found out, but checking account histories, that at he looked up porn after she'd told him he shouldn't as it makes her insecure. I get she's annoyed that he lied but she's saying it's like cheating, that she can't trust him and she wants to break up with him. I know porn in general is exploitative with negative messages about sex but I really feel she doesn't appreciate most boys do look up porn - girls too probably - and that it could just be about sexual curiosity.

OP posts:
Redhil · 20/07/2024 13:26

Does it matter if you think most boys look it up? Your daughter may not agree with this and why would you try to make her think she's the one being ott? Maybe to her it's a deal breaker. Just because as you say most boys do it doesn't mean it's healthy. He's in a relationship with your dd and it's clear she has a certain expectation from her bf dont make her believe she should lower her standards. So many times we slate women for not setting the bar high enough and your reaction might be the reason why. Women telling women it's OK to allow their men to do as they please.

Beezknees · 20/07/2024 13:25

YABU, good on her for having boundaries at such a young age. I wouldn't tolerate porn watching in a relationship, why should she just because they are young. We should not be normalising porn, it is exploitative to women and many female porn stars have committed suicide over the past few years.

daffodilandtulip · 20/07/2024 13:25

If that's her boundary, that's her boundary; and I don't think you should be discouraging her from sticking to them.

Timeisnevertimeatall · 20/07/2024 13:24

A child in a long term relationship is worried about her boyfriend's porn interest. I'd say there's lots of things that bother me about that and one of them is the fact you are so relaxed about it all.

PotteringAlonggotkickedoutandhadtoreregister · 20/07/2024 13:23

She’s 17. If ever there’s a point to have principles and walk away it’s 17.

I agree that porn is common. It won’t be a deal breaker for lots of people.
It clearly is a deal breaker for her.

It’s not your relationship. If she wants to split up with him, it’s not your choice to make her stay in a relationship she doesn’t want to be in.

Klippityklopp · 20/07/2024 13:23

I don't think you should get involved op. She is adult enough to make her own decisions with the information she has.
I wouldn't be advising her what to do in this situation

Sunnydiary · 20/07/2024 13:23

She can break up with him for any reason she wants.

This is a dealbreaker for her.

I am surprised you aren’t proud of her having standards rather than trying to convince her all men are like this so she may as well settle for the one she’s got.

Fullyflavoured · 20/07/2024 13:22

I think you shouldn't be discussing your teenage daughters sex life on the internet.

OhmygodDont · 20/07/2024 13:22

Yabu she’s allowed any boundary she wants. But she needs to also then realise this will narrow down her dating options.

Many grown adult women don’t want their partners watching porn, now some men won’t watch porn a lot do watch porn but she’s allowed to have feelings about it.

Topjoe19 · 20/07/2024 13:21

She sounds very sensible. I'd be proud of her. Why aren't you?

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