To think my DD17 is overthinking her bf's porn watching

The only place I see judgement about it is on MN! I like it. My partners have all liked it. My friends like it. It isn't a big deal. I am astounded anyone still thinks it is. If it doesn't do anything for you then fine but you shouldn't judge other people's pleasure.

Christ alive why do porn users have to insist everyone does it. Why can't you accept they don't? Why do you need it to be fact they do?

My husband doesn't. He must. Everyone does ???? Can't you see how nuts this is?

I'm really genuinely interested in how you know this for certain.

Even in the vanishingly, teeny tiny, unlikely event you are correct, which youre not, her father is not the one who should be telling her she should be ok with porn.

Some posters absolute hope they are right about all men watching porn is really weird.

That's a bit patronising. Porn actresses are adult women. The problem comes from being stigmatised for doing it (ironically by the people who claim to worry about vulnerable porn actresses).

I agree with that, but she can leave him and shouldn't be made to feel she's overthinking. It's her boundary.

Not your boundary to make its up to her what makes her comfortable

Um, I think you will find you're wrong.

I'm not triggered by it, I just don't want to sleep with people (male or female) who put their own sexual gratification above the exploitation of women.

Edit to add: perhaps I do struggle in this world, but not as much as I would if I forced myself to accept stuff that I hate to my core.

Good try.

You won't have a relationship with porn users = prude. That's in your head.

Evidence shows porn damages sex lives. Some of us have experience of this. I'm no prude....I just don't need porn

Wrong. You're fooling yourself there. Most people do NOT like it.

I know troll hunting is forbidden but this thread has a real similar style and theme as the thread deleted a week or so ago where a mother was upset her 17yo DD wouldn't reconsider dating a smoker because he was nice in other ways.

I agree that she it's great and admirable for a young woman to have standards and boundaries. My comment was more aimed at reposnses here not her decision.

I do agree with this to an extent, but we could extend this argument about exploitation past cocaine to a lot of this we all happily buy and do: foods, clothes, Hollywood entertainment, the music industry… so I think some people are risking being a bit sanctimonious and hypocritical. And that a lot of (female) outrage about porn is rooted in insecurity rather than genuine moral outrage.

A lot of women watch porn with their partners (or on their own). You don't have to do this, of course, but if it gives you the rage to imagine a male partner enjoying it sometimes on his own you are going to struggle in this world. I suppose this is why porn tastes are still asked about in security vetting interviews - some folk really seem triggered by it. Always surprises me.

I mean, yeah, a lot of people actually reply with what they wish they would do. But in this case, at 17 with a whole life ahead of her, I would not advise my daughter to fight her own feelings in breaking up with a boyfriend.

Good for your dd for having STANDARDS. Unlike you.

Not with any disagreement, just always topics like this that's all. Just so much hypocrisy with these topics. I'd guess maybe 20% of people who say "I'd do this and that if it was my husband/partner" would actually do it in reality. It's all for show with many.

This is such shite. Women don't need to "reconcile" themselves to the exploitation and degradation of vulnerable women just to satisfy the sexual appetites of men.

What do you mean? I think maybe we have crossed wires. I mean she doesn’t need to feel that porn is a threat to her attractiveness/worth to her partner. Wanking alone watching a bit of porn and sex with a partner are for most people different things that can happily coexist. (Ok some men have porn addiction and unrealistic ideas because of it but they’re surely relatively few, immature, etc.)

I mean when I was 17 I was hugely prudish too I don't suppose it's a bad developmental stage to protect oneself in youth

I can't think of any good reason you would disagree with your daughter having clear strong boundaries when it come to sex.

Good for her.

I think she is right to have high standards, but sadly I don't think she will find a 17 year old male who doesn't watch porn at least occasionally.

True but I don't think she'll ever have a satisfying heterosexual relationship if she can't reconcile herself with porn. Not everyone likes it but most people (men and women) do.

Well, she won't have a satisfying relationship if she ignores her own wants and feelings, will she?

It doesn’t matter what you think - it matters what she thinks and you should be applauding her for knowing her boundaries and enforcing them at such a young age. She’s got a mature head on her shoulders.