To think my DD17 is overthinking her bf's porn watching

How is it TMI? You said that men wanking to naked women is exploitation. She had to inform you that her BF wanks to her photographs to counteract that argument.

As for the ethics of the debate, can you please explain what the difference is between wanking to a picture of a girlfriend and wanking to a picture of someone online?

We're talking about sex aren't we? I don't share your purported view of porn at all. I think it's hot to watch beautiful people. I also think most women who are against porn are actually just ashamed of their own bodies but it suits them to pretend it's a moral issue. It is a shame not to feel fully in possession of yourself like that.

So message to DD from her parent should be to work on your self esteem so your other half can watch porn?

Besides, I thought the party line is it's not because the women are attractive, it's just to scratch an itch etc etc

Firstly, TMI.

Secondly, that's clearly, obviously, entirely different from watching porn. You have no understanding of the ethics of this debate if you can't see the distinction

I think it's none of your business to be honest.

Don't try to break down your daughter's boundaries. It's a very positive sign that she has this one! A young woman will be constantly pressured to drop her boundaries for other peoples benefits. Support her in this, don't make her settle.

I think this is a very positive stand you dd is taking

she is setting her boundaries and keeping to them

I wish I had at her age and I wish more young women were encouraged to

Sometimes my boyfriend even wanks to photos of me 😉 I don't feel exploited. Well, not in a bad way.

Tell DD that she will not be able to have a relationship with a man. Almost all men look up pornography, and it's not for "curiosity." It's for sexual arousal.

But OP daughter doesn't like it because it makes her Insecure.

To not have enough confidence and self esteem that it upsets you when your partner finds another person attractive? No offence of course to the poor 17 year old, but shouldn't the issue be that she can ditch bf if she wishes, but needs to work on her self esteem as it's an absolute unrealistic standard to hold a person to, especially if she feels that way about his female friends, strangers too.

I feel sorry for anyone with such a blunted, warped and colourless imagination thatthey can't "get off" without watching women being exploited.

Well, I think a lot of women enjoy being in porn as well as looking at it. I am really surprised every time a woman says she doesn't ever use it. Like, never? Not even a bit of soft imagery with a lovely pair of boobs?

Not sure why everyone thinks she's being sensible or has high moral standards about the ethics of women because of this view. The OP has already said it's because she's jealous/feels insecure about herself because of it. It's not part of some big moral standpoint.

@OptimismvsRealism "Not liking it is fine. Like not liking anything else. Being horrified by it is just silly and naive. Humans have been into porn since cave drawings"

I'm not horrified by porn. I am horrified that anyone thinks wanking to exploited, possibly trafficked women is an acceptable thing to do.

She is sensible. I'd be proud of her too. But she also might be slightly unrealistic and idealistic and if she's going to insist on only date boys and men who never, ever look at porn she's probably going to be single for a bloody long time. Either that, or she'll be lied to a lot.

I also genuinely wonder how women who are horrified by porn get off.

I don't really want to know it just seems like such an upright world to inhabit.

She doesn't have to accept looking at it. Insisting a partner doesn't look at it when she isn't there is another matter.

And you shouldn't judge people who don't want to have it as part of their relationship.

The insistence that she must accept porn, is a prude if she won't, will never be happy or have a relationship is utter bonkers.

From the link posted to evidence that everyone uses porn... (incl statistics from pornhub about use men vs women....)
The research is clear—porn can warp consumers’ ideas about sex and relationships. But the good news is that we can limit those negative effects by raising awareness on this issue, especially to young people. So let’s refocus on healthy relationships and reject the toxic narratives porn perpetuates. Let’s consider the facts before consuming

He does. He just doesn't tell you <runs>.

Pornographic images and literature have been around for centuries. Prostitution is “the oldest profession”. The internet has just made it more accessible, like junk food. And more extreme.

Not liking it is fine. Like not liking anything else. Being horrified by it is just silly and naive. Humans have been into porn since cave drawings.

You're cool, we all get it 🤣

Can you at least, maybe, try to understand that op's DD, as many many others, don't like it? Can you do that? Or are you one of those "well I like XYZ so everyone else should" types?

Her choice but she needs to work on her self esteem. Fine to split over it, some do object to adult content if they have concerns about trafficking and ethics but to say she feels insecure is very sad.
Has she always lacked confidence?
Where did she check his history, on his phone?

She sounds very sensible. You should be proud of her. Stop interfering in her relationship.She shouldn’t have snooped on his phone.But if she has set that boundary in her relationship and it’s been cross then it’s her call, not yours. Or would you rather your daughter accept behaviours in relationships that she doesn’t like or agree with ? Slippery slope…

God, all the people here rightly posting to say the daughters boundaries are her boundaries and good on her for sticking to them, but then also taking the opportunity to be sanctimonious and morally superior to the OP.

Just can't resist it can you? What pleasant people you must be in RL.