Driving anxiety should I sell car ?

Practice does (helps) make perfect. A PP's suggestion to listen to the turn by turn directions does keep you focused and not thinking about the "what ifs."

I realize this is a bit off topic, but In the USA you csn get a learners permit at 14 (I think it's 16 now), and can drive accompanied by someone teaching you the basics, acceleration and deceleration, parking, etc., until you pass your test. You are also studying the Drivers Manual. Each State has their own criteria ands exam. I love the freedom that comes with driving, taking the kids on outings, etc. My average mileage is only around 3,000/year.

I don't know if it's the Mumsnet community, which I realize is a small slice of British life, but learning to drive, and driving in general seems to be an overwhelming task for many, and not a totally common thing. In many posts only one partner drives, the other relying on them to ferry them around. This would drive me nuts. We have bus systems but routes not always practical. Is it an arduous task to get a license?

You could get up at 5am and start going for drives.

I had refresher lessons after not driving for years, it’s really worth it.

I used to be exactly the same OP.

I had hypnotherapy and use satnav now and it’s been life changing.

I still HATE driving. I really really hate it. But it doesn’t hold that power over me anymore.

By any chance was the person who drove most when you were growing up a complete arsehole behind the wheel?

I have a few friends who had this kind of anxiety, and two gave up driving for years because of it. They all had fathers who seemed reasonable people until you got in a car with them. At that point they'd become World's Best Driver and shout and curse about the mistakes that everyone else on the road was making.

Anyway, the ones who gave up both ended up behind the wheel again after refresher lessons and are both good, safe drivers.

Might just be a coincidence, but I can't help feel that those arsehole men really undermined their daughters and set them up for failure before they even got to sit a test.

I had really bad driving anxiety a few years ago. It was triggered by a speeding ticket (caused by an honest mistake on my part) although it was realistically probably part of something bigger and even short local runs were a real thought. It's come and gone since then but much less of an issue these days.

I persevered through (very hard at times) to the point where I can even take city driving in unfamiliar places more in my stride now.

I didn't try CBT or lessons with an instructor (wish I had as these sound great ideas). Start small, make yourself drive regularly and locally and build up to further afield. Don't not drive, whatever you do. You will get through this but you have to keep doing it.

A weird tip that might help is to use sat nav even if you know exactly where you're going - I like to tune into the instructions if I'm feeling anxious and treat it as a step by step exercise as well as being reassured that I'm in the correct lane at e.g. busy junctions.

I think the answer is practice, initially at less-busy times, and maybe some refresher lessons with an instructor if you can afford it.

Don't give up, OP.

My experience is that people who have driving anxiety also have anxiety in other or all parts of their life. I've got a lot of experience in this, and have never come across anyone* who would hop on any plane alone, plan an adventure, do something adrenaline-charged or anything alone, out of the norm, yet can't drive from A to B.

*except for those job/accident related.

Address your anxiety in general.

I didn't drive for TEN years between 30 and 40 because of elevated anxiety that affected my whole life but manifested itself most in driving - because everything else I could downplay or avoid in the main, without drawing attention to it.

the specialist help I got to overcome it was life changing in more than just driving.

I would feel anxious too after some years without driving but may I suggest booking some refresher lessons or a confidence course with a driving instructor who has experience with driving anxiety and a nice calming manner? Then some practice or an advanced driving course? Selling the car and giving up is so final and there may be other options that will help you.

You would do yourself and your kids a huge disservice by selling the car. Make sure your kids are belted up nicely in their car seats with lots of toys and books. Then take yourself out twice a day at least. Small journeys. Each week extend the journey by 10 mins. Get to know your area really well and places where you can stop to rest. The biggest thing you can do is book with a nice Driving instructor and have regular top up lessons to address the issues you have. Make sure they are a really nice calm person. And swap if you are not comfy with them. Next the CBT will be very helpful. You’ve got this. I went through this as a newly passed teen. The aoluti9n was to get into the driving seat and just drive every day. I was so much better in weeks. Also I made sure to take a good calm friend with me. 20 years later I am doing great.

I'm the opposite - I feel much less anxious in a bigger car (but I'm severely claustrophobic which is the problem!)

And if you get a flat tyre, either pull off the side of the road if there's space, or if not, stick your hazards on and limp to somewhere that is safe. The contact your breakdown service who will come out and help you. Don't sit in the car on the side of the road - get out and move back from it.

stick with it, but consider swapping for a smaller car, I feel less anxious in smaller cars

and book some lessons with an instructor to improve your confidence

Don't sell the car. Drive more, until it becomes routine and boring. Start with local routes you know well and then gradually expand.

This is what I was going to say 👍

I would start by spending some money on CBT to address the anxiety, or you could try going via your GP. It's expensive but better value in the long run than taxis. Also lots of self talk about how different your new car is to your old one. The tech has come on so much. Cameras are an absolute game changer for parking.

As well as the refresher lessons do you have a trusted friend or family member who could accompany you while you practice? If so don't be shy of asking them. I remember my husband taking a day's leave just to sit with me while I drove to work. It was so incredibly helpful.

I totally understand how you feel as I was terribly anxious about driving, even missed my nephew's christening because I was too scared to make the journey!
In the end I found making the same small trips regularly really helped and later I was forced to make more difficult journeys when caring for my mum. (For those who know, think East Surrey Hospital car park a few years ago! Sodding nightmare!)
It did take a while, but I am much better now. Like you I live rurally with little public transport, it's not easy to get a taxi either so I would struggle without doing it. Although I don't actively enjoy driving, I don't worry about it anything like I used to. Hopefully this thread has shown you that you're far from alone in feeling like this, I really thought I was! Xx

I had driving anxiety and the way I got over it was by driving in familiar places and gradually extending to more challenging roads. I'd also consider a couple of refresher lessons. Personally I wouldn't give up x

Its hard when the xnxiety is so bad you can't even face getting in a car with an instructor. It's easy for other people to say just get in the car & do repeated little journeys bur for some people it's not that simple.

I was going to suggest this, explain the situation, can't be unusual.

I had driving anxiety so what I did was go out when I knew it would be quiet and drove around. I couldn’t get lost as I had sat nav. I took a few months but now you’d never know I used to have it. Love driving now.

I had this for years and it seriously limited my life at a time when my kids were small and i could have really done with being able to drive. What fixed it for me was having a serious illness. I realised I wanted to live life to the full. I started very small, very short and easy trips to a friend up the road and back. When I was confident with that I did a bit more. After about a year I was confident to drive absolutely anywhere. It's better for the environment not to drive though!!

Can imagine it's very difficult but consistent and repeated exposure as well as reminding yourself of the independence, ease and extra time it brings you rather than having to rely on public transport or miss out on days/trips where it's not available.
I'd give yourself plenty time for each trip, so you can take it easy and stop if you need to but I think the important thing is you keep going. Then keep pushing yourself to go a little further or take a road you might usually avoid such as a motorway until your confidence grows.

How old are you OP? Driving anxiety seems to be very common in perimenopause. I took anti anxiety meds for a year, which I'd never done in my life, and it sorted it out for me.