DH is eating cereal and I want to kill him

Oh my god. The sound of my husband chewing.

He chews soup like it's fucking cement.

Slightly derailing but I found that thread really disturbing. Do you know why ? It wasn’t the fact that the female ate her mate, but the fact that it signalled mating. So now the OP can look forward to a nest full of baby spiders, all running around the room. Makes my skin crawl !!

Use it wisely.

Can I steal the phrase ‘fist of death’ ? I absolutely love it !!

DP is slurping his way through a mystery meat curry and chips.

The fist of death is tingling.

Translate this to your boss eating cereal at the desk next to you every day you're in work. It's not only crunching and slurping, it's the banging the fucking spoon against the china 10,000 times per breakfast! And you can't say "sorry boss, I want to work at home 4 days a week instead of 2 days a week because of the constant noise you make when eating".

It's pot noodle type things with DH. He loves them but always insists on eating them when they're still too hot so all I hear is him blowing three times on each forkful before he slurps and chomps the noodles. He always buys ones that absolutely stink too.

Mine brushes his teeth with a huge amount of toothpaste, then follows me around talking through the tooth brushing. It’s beyond awful

Even some of the comments here are bringing up the anger in me 😭 spoon clanging and mouth sounds 😡 I'm off to Google loop earplugs!

I also have to leave the room. Cereal is the worst but for most things now.

I always have music on at mealtimes for this reason.

He has no idea how many times he has been close to death.

There is a whole thread on 'spiders' hurumph, and how to deal with them.
Just saying...

Yeah i do this

Oh I’m so glad it’s not just me! I thought I must be terrifically intolerant and sensitive but thank goodness others feel the same.
I also have to leave the room when he eats his cereal. He stuffs his mouth so full, and clanks the spoon on the bowl, and his teeth. Horrible.

Eating an apple too…he sticks his teeth into the flesh quite violently, then rips out the mouthful, juice flicking around the place. Disgusting.

And drinking coffee… he sip, sip, sips, then gulps and downs the lot very quickly, then hugs the mug and stares into it in case there’s any more he’s missed… absolutely bonkers.

This thread is brilliant! Seriously, I was thinking I was just a nasty person who couldn’t bear the sounds of husband eating and had violent thoughts!
Scraping the yoghurt pot is one of many irritants.

Also, eating fruit. First time I saw him eating melon, he let the juices drip down his face & t-shirt, toddler-style. Now he slurps it in, which is just as bad, now I think if it… Not sure how I eat fruit, but it’s not any of these ways, I’m certain of that.

My dad does this with tea that’s clearly too hot, kind of sucks it into his mouth - I love my dad but I’ve stopped offering him cups of tea 😩

Me & my DH lasted one day both WFH in the same room, I moved to the spare room and made myself an office, I couldn’t stand it!

Yup. Never puts the spoon in his mouth, just sort of hoover / slurps the food off it into the food vacuum / mouth where half-chewed food is still churning around, like a concrete mixer. Then starts talking to me… I can’t look or listen! Just shut up!

I see your cereal and raise you a yoghurt.

And that’s after the stirring of the sweetener into the coffee, and the slurping and gulping taking the pills with said coffee. With an annoying head jerk added into the mix.

🤬🤬🤬

Urgh. Yes. I have to go out of the room if DH is eating cereal or fruit because of the sounds he makes. I'm definitely not perimenopausal. It's just gross.

He also started stabbing at his food like a caveman and dropping bits out of his mouth while eating at one point (just like his dad...) so I started doing the same thing. He was appalled and hasn't done it since 😂

The other day mine was using a toothpick standing right behind me it was so loud in my ear it took everything i had not to whip it out of his hand and stab him in the forehead with it!

Slurping oranges 😡

The perimenopause makes a lot of sense. You’ve described how I feel perfectly. I’ve been married 15 years and it’s only in the last few years that it has irritated the absolute living sh*t out of me. We WHF at desks beside each other. If he decides to eat lunch at his desk, I need to leave the room. Even him drinking coffee annoys me now. I can hear the swallowing/gulping noise. I should thank my lucky stars DH doesn’t slurp his coffee like my Dad does. I cannot be in the same room as that.

It’s kind of comforting to know I’m not alone with these feelings. I know I’m being unreasonable but I cannot help it.

DH crunching nuts has me fantasising about hitting him over the head with a frying pan.
I have to leave the room.
Don't get me started on the throat clearing...