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AIBU?

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Original poster

DS girlfriend never goes home

88 replies

bluebellsinthewoods · 20/07/2024 09:10

DS (18) has been seeing his gf for about 6 months. She lives in next town which is an hour bus ride away. Neither of them drive.

At the beginning he would ask if she could stay over which we said yes to but over time it's become the norm for her to stay most nights.

It's been getting more & more frequent (DS has never stayed at her family home). We feel she has practically moved in and we want our space back. I have recently had a close family bereavement and need time alone to grieve but she is always here even when DS is at work. She is a student hoping to go to uni in September.

AIBU to set some boundaries around how often she can stay or should I just accept with older teens this is to be expected & she's likely to be moving away in 2 months anyway.

How would you feel?

OP posts:
828Pax · 20/07/2024 10:01

I used to be this girl with my first boyfriend. As an adult I feel absolutely mortified that I just assumed it was ok to practically move in to someone else's house. I would definitely put some rules down, it's your home

Kitkatcatflap · 20/07/2024 09:57

If you don't set boundaries now - even for just 2 months, you run the risk of her camping out at your place for every single university break and they have 2 months off. It will be harder then.

There is no need for her to be in you house alone when your son is at work. An hour's bus ride is nothing.

Werweisswohin · 20/07/2024 09:52

Sorry for your loss.
You're not being unreasonable.
Sit them down together and make it clear - 'We are happy for you to spend some time together here, but we've noticed that you're not really going home any more - while we are happy for you to spend time together here, we imagined a couple of nights at a time maximum and not you actually living here full time. I hope you understand. Your family must be missing you.'

Getonwitit · 20/07/2024 09:44

You pay the bills therefore you set the rules. This has gone on long enough, send her home and tell them both she can only stay one night a week.

Hazeby · 20/07/2024 09:29

I think I would suck it up for two months rather than potentially cause a rift. I would answer differently it if were open-ended.

Thetwix · 20/07/2024 09:25

I think it’s certainly reasonable to limit it to a couple of nights a week and definitely a rule if he’s not there then she isn’t either.

StripeyDeckchair · 20/07/2024 09:25

Set the ground rules

  • Max X nights a week
  • not Sunday night (I like to chill before work)
  • must give headsup of them staying
  • they're not to hang around the house when your child is out at work/uni etc

And anything that's specific to your circumstances

Pandasandtigers · 20/07/2024 09:21

You can tell your son to stay at hers more, but if her parents are fine with it, you may find your son is always there and you end up seeing less of him.

LlynTegid · 20/07/2024 09:20

Sorry to read of your loss, and I think that you should set some rules. I wonder if there is something about her own homelife that she is seeking to escape from, not sure how you could find out.

Okayornot · 20/07/2024 09:19

Definitely set some rules, not unreasonable at all.

Ciri · 20/07/2024 09:13

Surely you just say to your ds it’s two nights a week max

GalileoHumpkins · 20/07/2024 09:13

Of course you're not unreasonable, she doesn't live with you. Tell him to tell her she needs to go home.

Motnight · 20/07/2024 09:13

I am sorry for your loss, Op.

Decide what you would be happy with in terms of the GF staying and telling your DS this. In my experience many teenagers take the piss until it's pointed out to them!

Good luck 🍀