DS girlfriend never goes home

This, quite frankly.

First, so very sorry for your loss.
Why are you allowing a teenager who is not a member of your family to run rings round you in your own home?
It will be much easier than you think to say ‘Listen, love, I want a word with you. In future you can stay every Saturday night [or whatever]. It’s getting too much now.’
As someone else said on this thread, teens often don’t realise stuff until it’s pointed out.
And what do her parents think? If it were my daughter I’d want to know what was going on.

the didgeridoo as the icing on the cake made me lol

This would drive me potty. I know she's a teen and maybe not the most self-aware but even a teen should be able to see they're taking the piss by spending 24/7 in the boyfriend's family home. And when he's not even there himself.

Tell him straight, she's welcome to stay one night a week.

We said only people to stay at weekends that's friends or girlfriends.
We are a family of 6 getting up for work/school/college and weekdays don't work for us for guests staying.

She shouldn't be in your home without him as a bare minimum.

Talk to your son. You want your home and privacy back.

Definitely not acceptable unless you’ve agreed to this upfront. How about you set an amount of nights you think is ok. It’s not healthy for them either.

I would raise it even though she is going to university. Because even if it's then not an issue with this girlfriend, it may well be with future girlfriends.

I think limiting to 2 nights a week is totally reasonable.

I would actually try to talk to her first to see if she is ok. This was me at 18 with my ex (together six years). I wanted to stay with him every night because my family home was unstable and my mother is emotionally/verbally abusive and I hated being at home. I’d stay there even if he was at work and I know his mum hated it eventually. We got on super well but she did tell me I was staying there too much, once I opened up we actually got closer but I did respect this and stayed at home more - moved out with ex shortly later because home life got too hard

I would go softly softly on this. If they both go to university in September you don’t have much longer. I would say to your son that you are struggling with the recent loss in your family and need some time alone to grieve and would appreciate it if he could limit his girlfriend’s sleepovers to 2 nights a week. 2 nights is more than reasonable.

I would restrict the number of nights and also state alternative weekends. Plus if your DS is not there, then she needs to go home. Surely they can split time between parents. How uncomfortable for you and I would be irritated too.

I think it would have been better to set out some rules at the beginning. Saying something now might lead her to believe she’s done something to offend you; she consequently might refuse to visit at all and this in turn might cause a rift. I’d suck it up for the next 8 weeks if she’s likely to be moving on anyway.

Absolutely not. Tell him she can only stay once a week

Oh God, I had a lodger like this. He moved in and then asked if his girlfriend could visit overnight a couple of times a week. This turned into virtually every night so he was paying for himself but she was staying for free and she used gallons of hot water. A right pair of CFs. They even broke the bed!

To put the tin lid on it, he played the didgeridoo.

He had to go.

At minimum, when DS is at work she needs to be in her own home.

Fucking hell just say, no staying over etc. Our neighbours told us when they got a new dog but not when the granddaughter moved her cuckoo of a boyfriend in FFS

Just a chat to your ds. Tell him you like her and it's lovely he's got the relationship he does with her but you'd like to drop her overnight stay's to twice a week.

It's a bit strange that her own family are letting her stay away from her own home so much? However, you are clearly a kind person OP but I think you are going to have to put your foot down and say firmly that she can stay a max of 2 nights.

I would say she can't be there unless your son is there. That's just cheeky otherwise. Apart from that, this girl may well stay with your son for good, so you need to be careful about having a good relationship with her.

@Yousaidwhatagain I'm 35 but honestly, I feel like I had it really good living at home. I did pay rent but it was way below market rate and it allowed me to save, learn to drive, buy a car and then save towards a house.

There's no way I'd have had the audacity to move anyone into my parents' house or even allowed them to stay longer then necessary. I always asked if someone could come over, even if we'd just be watching TV in my room or getting ready to go out somewhere. It just felt like good manners to me. It wasn't my house and it wasn't my place to just take it over.

DH was raised similarly to me and I remember him asking permission to use the toilet the first few times he was there

@ricecrispiecakes you must be from my generation (I'm in my 40's) where we had so much more respect than people today. And exactly like you, the appreciation of saving by living at home was foremost to me so I would never have been so disrespectful to do this.

Start charging food, bills & rent.

Exactly. It might be their home but that doesn't mean they get to just do what they like regardless of the impact it has on everyone else.

I lived at home on/off throughout my twenties and it would never have occurred to me to just invite my boyfriend to stay with me for days on end. I was saving a fortune in rent and bills and that had to come with compromises.

Funny how if it's a relative/ in law/ friend who came and stayed with no end date - they would be called CF and told they need to be kicked out.

Yet two children who are barely adults, can take over the home , not contribute and do as they please must be given all the grace. No wonder so many selfish young people today, because the world needs to revolve around them.