Money and new partner..unsure

Youre right to pay half.

That fact he can afford his half easier is not the issue. If you cant afford to go. You should not have agreed to go

When I first started dating my now DH, I was a single mum on family credit (remember that!) and he was an (and still is) an accountant with his own, albeit new, practice. At the beginning I explained that I was an extremely tight budget with mortgage etc to pay and if he wanted to go to fancy restaurants etc then he would have to pay for me as I just wouldn’t be able to afford it. We arranged to go on holiday after a few months and he asked me what I could afford to contribute and he paid the rest 🤷‍♀️

I think you should just be really honest with him with what you can actually afford to do and see how he reacts.

agree with most of the pp's - you're annoyed at him for not being psychic.
even in your post you say "which is fine" but then say "it's really tough for me."
Well which is it!?

If you're telling him it's fine
showing him you are happy to pay half by doing so every time you go out
and agreeing to flights and hotels rather than saying they are too expensive
of course he will take you at your word!

I can imagine my OH being a bit like this.......he's a really generous guy but a bit oblivious about money in many ways.

I couldn't be with a tight partner but I'd give your BF the benefit of the doubt for now.

He's s boyfriend not a partner you share joint finances with. I don't think its reasonable judging him if he's not really registered your situation or just doesn't want to pay. If you lived together and shared joint finances with him that would be different. This is necessarily a bad thing and him paying more or for the whole thing wouldn't automatically be a good thing either. My abusive XH was happy to splash the cash when we were dating including on holidays, I thought it showed how generous he was and how much he cared. I can see in retrospect that this was a red flag along with other love bombing behaviour.

(Ultimately though, you agreed to go away, planned it together and agreed to split the cost so like many others have said I don't think this in itself shouldn't be an issue)
If he insisted on 5* when you said you could only afford something else then that's a different story of course.

Superb

He has absolutely no idea of your finances. He's never been in your situation/circumstances so he can't possibly, unless you tell him. You agreed the budget and the holiday, then was the time to speak up and say if it was stretching you financially.

What you could do now, is tell him that you've just realised you've over stretched yourself/had some other unexpected expense, and that you're going to be a bit short for spending money when you go on holiday. Perhaps he'll be inclined to cover more than his share of the costs (meals, drinks etc), while you're away?

Do you think maybe, even somewhat subconsciously, this is more about where you are in your relationship and it is highlighting the differences? So although in theory you want it to be 50:50, as committed partners you would instinctively start to balance it out a bit? With differences in responsibilities, income, assets, maybe this is starting to show.

You settled for a 50-50 relationship and it might be hard to turn it around

If he is not generous, you can’t change that

Transparent communication is key here. Assuming your relationship is one built on mutual love, trust and respect you should be able to sit down and factually explain to him that your earnings don’t go as far as his do, so whilst you’re excited for your trip away, it has been a stretch to afford to cover your share.

You can also say that in future, you’d appreciate it if any trips/activities you plan as a couple can be more comfortably pitched to fit within your budget. This gives him the chance to offer to treat you / pay more if he wants to go certain places/travel at a certain level of luxury etc. And what’s the worst case - he doesn’t offer any additional help but you’ve at least been totally honest with him regarding your financial circumstances and he can’t plead ignorance in future if you have to say no to something he’d like to do.

Sorry but I think YABU. If you can’t afford to go on holiday then you need to say so and suggest something different. He’s not a mind reader and I think these days it is very much the done thing to pay 50/50. A rare thing- but I don’t see this as a red flag.

I think you need to analyse why this bothers you. Are you worried that you have different lifestyle expectations and this would affect compatibility? Do you feel slightly miffed that you’re the one with financial commitments? Or do you somehow think that money= love? Or is it that you think he’s not a gentleman if he didn’t offer? B

Can you imagine if the roles were reversed, boyfriend and girlfriend book holiday as agreed then boyfriend is griping to friends that she should pay more because he has a kid and a mortgage? It’d be a unanimous “cocklodger” verdict!

Also - OP did you do this for a test? You said in your OP that you and he set a budget, found a holiday and you always pay your way … yet here you are, on MN, complaining that someone isn’t paying something you agreed to. What’s the real issue here?

You need to decide what you want, very clearly, and explain it to him. Why were you embarrassed to ask? Do you always want to depend on him chipping in informally?

I think you shouldn't agree to a holiday you can't really afford your share of. At this stage in the relationship it's totally appropriate to go 50:50 but you need to set the budget. Your finances are not his responsibility. If the relationship gets more serious and committed that may prompt him to decide to merge finances more but that's not something you have a right to. Your child isn't his child. The fact you have a lower income isn't his problem.

Ok version-
"Let's have a weekend away at at a little BnB"
"We could, or we could make it a week in venice"
"I can't afford my share of a week in Venice, we need to stick to what I can afford"
"Hey let me top up the difference as a gift to you. You just put in what you can manage"

Not ok version:
"Let's have a weekend away at at a little BnB"
"We could, or we could make it a week in venice"
"Brilliant let's do it" (silently hoping he'll be paying...)
"OK that's booked"
"Great but I can't afford my share"

Some people are richer than others. Richer people do not owe support to others except the legally required taxes. They may choose to give but they don't owe it.

As others have said, you don’t live together, he’s your boyfriend and you’ve been going out for only 2years (and as you say most of that that’s been distant given your young daughter and her needs). I wouldn’t expect anyone to bankroll me in that situation, even if I was struggling. You’re taking it slowly. You made a budget and it’s on you to stick to it. If you’re cancelling things for your holiday, you’re outside your budget. That’s on you.

Then in that case, he just didn't want to.

Are you worried about how much you'll need to spend while on the holiday and either going over your budget to keep up or being miserly to not.

If so I'd mention this to him and see what he wants to do which will boil down to he pays more for you both to have as good a time as he'd like or he spends less to stay within your budget. Don't let him "lend" you money though.

If you can't have this conversation after two years your a bit doomed to be honest, but also most men don't mind strong independent boundaried divorcees softening into them a little, take it from one :)

You sat there with him planning a holiday you couldn’t afford and are annoyed at him for not offering to pay for you?? Really??

Plan a trip you can afford, or ask him if he might be comfortable paying more. Simple.

If you both agreed to the budget you can't expect him to pay. You should have told him that the trip was outside your budget. His mortgage free house is nothing to do with this, IMO.

I don't think you should dwell in this. Enjoy your holiday but you should talk about the disparity in your budgets. I'm sure he will understand if you discuss that you are in different financial positions and have different commitments so you can't match his disposable income. Before going on holiday is an ideal time as you will have different budgets for spending on holiday.

Just because he's more financially secure than you doesn't mean he should be bankrolling you. It's only been 2 years.

Ive got friends I've known for decades and I'm not bankrolling them on holiday but we do do activities to suit all budgets.