Had a tricky bedtime with our 3.5 year old and 15 month old. 3.5 kept asking for “one more book” and we read several. I said it was lights out time and she asked for another one. I initially said “no” and she had a meltdown, so I gave in and offered to read one in the dark with the torch whilst settling 15m old. Husband was there and said “what the f**k is wrong with you?” and walked out.
I fully acknowledge and agree that I shouldn’t have given in, and only did so to avoid more tantrum. However, when I went downstairs, husband basically said “well are you going to apologise for what happened?”. My view is that I have nothing to apologise to him for; I am not accountable to him for my parenting blips and, whilst I am annoyed with myself and should be sorry to 3.5 for potentially creating confusing boundaries, it had nothing to do with him. It would be different if he was the one to say “no more books” and I then said ok to another, I get that because it would be undermining to him. But in this case I undermined myself not him.
He says that I should apologise and am accountable to him because we should always be accountable to one another for parenting and apparently he can’t do things when I’ve said “no” but I can always change my mind for myself. I don’t think that’s true and I think he allows plenty of things that one or both of us have said “no” to.
Also, very annoyed (and regularly annoyed) about the language he uses in front of the children and the way he talks to me generally.
YABU - We should be accountable to one another as parents and I should say sorry.
YANBU - He’s being a self-absorbed douchebag.