Why aren't you Single?

Because we have DC and love being with them more than we dislike being with each other.

I don't want to 'get to know someone new'. My DH offers everything I need. And has done for 30 years.

So jealous of all these perfect marriages 😢 I love my husband but it’s not the stuff of fairy tales.

I've been with the same dh for 25 years I met him aged 16

I've had more than enough of sexual partners. All fun and that. But sex with someone who loves you and sex with someone who doesn't care about your wobbly bits or that you haven't shaved and knows what you want but will still surprise you is mint. Love the intimacy, the sure fire love and respect and that someone is actually interested in bits of my life there no one else is.

Because I'm a wuss with BPD/codependency issues. He adds fuck all to my life in reality.

I think it's really natural to want to be in a relationship. Not everyone feels like this but I think it's a very understandable way to feel.

Kids this age don't do what their parents tell them, they do what they want.

I'm not single because I don't like being single. I like to be with someone. I want that someone to be a companion and a lover ... I had 4 'relationships' that lasted just 8 to 10 weeks between the age of 17 and 22, and then was single for 2 years until I met my now DH.

We have been together 29 years now. He's kind. He's funny. He makes me laugh. He does as much round the house as I do. I do gardening. He does cooking. I'll do some of the DIY. He'll do the polishing and hoovering. I clean the bathroom, while he cleans the kitchen. (And he pulled his weight with the childcare!)

We're a perfect fit... It's great having someone to go out for pub lunches with, to pop to the pub with for a beer, to go on day trips with, to go on walks with, to go explore the woodlands with, eat Chinese takeaways with, to laugh at a funny movie with, to snuggle on the sofa with, and to go on beach trips and romantic weekends away with, go on holidays abroad with, etc. I can have sex whenever I feel like it - and am really comfortable with him (and him with me,) and he doesn't judge me whether I'm 9 stone or 14 stone. (Currently somewhere in the middle.)

I can cry my heart out in his arms and not feel stupid and he can do the same with me. We've been through some tough times because of different things that have happened in our lives over the last 29 years, including losing both sets of parents, and job losses, and financial battles. We battled hard financially for some years, and came through the other side, solvent, and comfortable, and with our house paid for.

Raised our children together, and watched them grow through school, through college, and through uni, then meet their partner, move into a rented home together, then buy their own home and get married. We're about to welcome our first grandchild in the middle of September ... And we're all kinds of excited for this new chapter in our life as grandparents!

DH is my soul mate. He's my lover. He's my friend. He's my companion. He's my holiday mate. He's my pub buddy. He's my walking mate. I just wouldn't want anyone else. And if ever he dies before me, not in a million years would I want anybody else to replace him ... I'd be quite happy to live the rest of my life alone.

I wouldn't have wanted to be alone forever, (like perma single/never in a long term relationship,) but would be OK with it if DH dies. At least I would have had 30 years plus of being with someone.

I just can't actually imagine being permanently alone forever, and never having had a relationship.. Being in a relationship for 20 or 30 years or more and then being single? Yes, fine. But being single all your life from the very beginning. No ... I just think that would be a very lonely existence, (long term.)

I doubt if it was the OP's intention when she started this thread, but it's SO refreshing to see a thread where married people/people in long term relationships can wax lyrical, and tell everyone why they are NOT single, and why they are so happy NOT single. I get so sick and tired of all the threads that celebrate being single, and berate being married, and quote that stupid nonsensical poll done by interviewing a tiny fraction of women, that stated single childless women are the happiest demographic.

Utter rot. I have never known any woman - or man for that matter, who would be happy to be single forever. I mean never EVER in a relationship. I have seen and known of far too many women wanting desperately to find a man to settle down with, to believe that bullshine! (And plenty of lonely single men looking desperately for a woman too!)

In fact there have been a number of studies and polls since, that show that particular 'single, childless women are the happiest demographic' claim to be rubbish!

Erm, because I’m pretty lost and confused and scared that if I were to end my marriage what it might mean for so many people. The impact on my kids, my wife’s mental health, that I’d be left alone, all the usual things 🙄

This is a fun debate!

Well ... Practically speaking my DH cooks all my meals, does housework and looks after DC - so every weekend I get breaks to take long baths, relax, see friends etc. My life would be a lot more tiresome without him

Emotionally speaking... He's always there to talk with, laugh with, have fun with.

Tbh I've been single, so experienced both, and this is much better

Because I can’t afford to be whilst maintaining my lifestyle

Why? Because it was mostly miserable and lonely.

Because I love my husband. Also, the sex and back tickles.

I am not single because I made a stupid decision way too young to get married. 29 years in I understand this is not working for me but cannot leave as I’m stuck due to being a parent. I’ve got a future filled with anxiety, panic attacks and anti depressants- wish I stayed single.

Because I am stuck and don’t know how to change things. Feels impossible.

This is us. My husband is undiagnosed but we both think autistic. We are best friends. He thinks I'm awesome. I don't always think he's 'the one' but I can't imagine finding someone else who I can be myself with. He is always supportive. He's an excellent and loving dad, our kids adore him.

Fantastic, lucky you

Brilliant

But I don't understand people that don't think being single is ok.
That it's negative. Even young 24 years olds in Long term relationships. I don't get why being single is never going to be an option for them.

We're socially conditioned into seeing being single as a temporary state. It’s what you are when you’re waiting for the one - or, if the one you thought was the one turns out not to be, it’s a state you’re in while you lick your wounds until you’re ready to get back on the horse. It’s socially acceptable to be single if you’re recovering from a break-up, but leave it too long and people will be telling you it’s time to get back out there.

The idea of it being a long-term status by choice is mind-boggling to some. Tell some people you’re single and staying that way and at best you’ll get “Awwh, you never know; the right one could come along any moment” or similar; at worst, you’ll be told not to “give up” or “write yourself off”, or get the well-meaning but patronising and depressing reassurance that you’re not too ugly/fat/boring to find someone.

I always thought it would be great if there were three main categories when it comes to romance: in a relationship, single, looking. Single seems to have so many negative connotations; you end up with the sympathetic head tilts and well-meant advice even if you’re more than happy on your own. If single could be reserved for people who were happy that way, with people who want a relationship described as looking instead, no one would have to put up with sympathy they simply don’t need - and it would be way more positive for people who do want to be with someone to say “Yes, this is what I want and I’m actively trying to make it happen”.

Sorry to add a morbid post but it really is ideal to learn those things just in case your husband gets hit by a bus or gets one of those undetectable until dead brain aneurysm things.

Cooking, sex, 50/50 childcare, useful financial contribution. I suppose I should also mention he’s funny, kind, etc…🤣

I always tell young women I know to spend some time living alone in their 20s. To find out what they want in life, what they enjoy, what matters to them, how they like to live. And then only to live with a partner if that person actively makes their life better than their single life. Too many people drift into bad relationships without realising there’s an equally valid alternative. God knows where I’d be if I’d stayed with some of my early boyfriends. I’d certainly be less happy than I am now. I’ve been married to my lovely husband for 20 years. He had to reach a very high bar to make me want to spend the rest of my life with him. We all deserve that, so shouldn’t be prepared to settle for less.

Thank you for this thread OP. Its so nice to read about people who have happy endings in their relationships. Some days on here I just think that I am the only one to ever have had a happy marriage.

Because someone needs to bring me a cup of tea in bed in the morning, and I don't want to have to do it myself.