To ask if I’m being shortsighted about the number of children we want to have

There was 13 years between my sister, and me. I always wished we were a similar age. Because some times she felt more like a older person than my sister.

Stick with one! I love both my DC, but life would have been easier with just one!

Who knows if you'll 'stick to it'. You don't need to stick to anything, though you don't always have a choice (infertility etc). Your reasons for having 1 are totally valid though and I agree with your reasoning.

I have 1 (not really by choice as couldn't have anymore. Dc was conceived with ivf). But it's all worked out for the best. I love our family of 3 (plus dog). Life is fun and easy. Dd is a teen. We have good jobs (I can afford to work pt), we overpaid our mortgage (so we're mortgage free at 38, think of all those extra nursery fees that could go towards mortgage!), dh and I have lots of time for each other, easy to get a babysitter etc. Now that dd is older it's all about sleepovers! Dd friends love staying here, and when she goes to theirs (at least once/ twice a month) dh and I go out and have fun!

We can save for dd future, driving lessons, car, uni, house deposit.

You're discussing this too much with people in your life. As if you're asking them for permission or for their blessing.

Your relatives are rude and this discussion is pointless.
Currently, you're mid-20's (very young) and have a baby. No plans to have another.
In a few years, you may want another. In which case have another. Or don't.
Why the big fuss around a 'decision'?

Personally I don't think you'll change your mind as you don't seem to want a DC over everything else. Time for 'each other and a family'??, your careers, all these pale in comparison to having more children if you really have the urge to reproduce.

I have 4. It's busy but lovely! But different strokes for different folks and all that, we always knew we wanted 4, didn't feel done until we had 4 whereas some people just have one and know they are done, only you can make the decision that fits you best!

I was in my 20’s when I had my son & i decided I didn’t want anymore. People still ask me if I’m going to have more and he’s 20 now

I often torture myself with the same question, op. For us, it's about work, our mental health and having experience no village around us for the first year, awareness of how hard it is to have zero time off. We do now have brilliant support as we've moved closer to family, but whilst they are happy to babysit and even do sleep overs with one DC, I'm not sure they would with another- plus grandparents would be older, etc

I struggle with it a lot, I feel a failure for not feeling that I could manage a second. But someone else put it well up thread, I'm not sure why I feel that way- I think it's just a sense of having a second being the "normal" thing to do, or expected of us.

I don't really have time on my side (mid 30s) either! Lots of people mention the whole coping with elderly parents alone thing but I hope that by sticking with one we can financially prepare ourselves for care homes etc to hopefully prevent DC having to be actively involved if they don't want to be. I am sad to think they'd not have a sibling to remember their childhood with, though.

It's a hard one, but whatever you decide will be ok as you'll never know the other path.

I think it's a sensible decision. We have 2 but I'm a sahm and even then I find the juggling hard. There are things that we struggle to do with 2 that would have been easy with 1. We manage because DH and I work as a team and often take one child each, and we have very little down time from the dc. It works OK as I'm a sahm and I get a break when youngest is in preschool and eldest is in school, but if I had to work then I would only ever be at work or with the dc. With just 1 dc it's easier for one parent to have a break while the other parent has one to one time with the dc, and easier for relatives to look after one dc. I don't think I would have had dc2 if we were both working ft.

if your DD is still very little then your lack of parenting experience can make the decision difficult as you don’t know what it’s like to parent an older child. You may / may not change your mind with time

Make your decision and don’t involve anyone other than your DH.

I have two kids and was a SAHM for years and now work part-time.

Small age gap and my kids do nothing but argue. and have always been this way.Not a week goes by that I don’t wish I’d only had one child - the stress of school fees, time, giving practical and emotional support and of course physical and mental health support. I’ve no idea why I had two kids other than feeling I ‘should’ and being an older mum, time wasn’t on my side.

Feelings change and life happens @youngoneanddone.

We wanted at least three, preferably four. We have two. It wasn't a choice.

I have 2 DD's and they are best friends. So lovely to see their relationship at 17 and 15.

But agree you don't need to decide now as you are young! And have the ability to earn more and be financially secure for them

It's not so much that you're young, but that your child is just a baby. Your hormones aren't giving you a strong drive to reproduce while you have a baby clinging to you.

You might carry on feeling like this forever, but why assume so? One thing I have learned is that anything goes with gaps. Bigger gaps are different, but not second best.

Why on earth do you need to decide now? If you don’t want hormonal contraception I would get the coil. I found it amazing and barely had a period!

I think if you know you're happy then it's the right choice for you. No need to second guess. I always yearned for another baby after DD1 and was quite tormented by the idea of having only her. Now she's 5 and I'm expecting my second I am increasingly conscious of how good we currently have it with a singleton, for all the reasons you've listed and more. But I know I'd have always been so sad not to get a chance to have another. I just felt half-finished.

If you're content, and you know you're content, there's nothing you need to justify to yourself or to anyone else. Maybe you'll change your mind one day, maybe you won't. Doesn't matter. Just enjoy life with your little family.

Well who knows? In 10 years time you will both me totally different people.

Same!

I agree with PP. If you change your mind down the line you are back into nappies & sleepless nights when you could have it all over with.
Just another perspective, I was an only child and always wished for a sibling. I was lonely even though I had plenty of cousins & friends. I always wished for someone to have my back at school.
Thinking of the future too, your DC may be left alone to deal with you and dh when you are elderly.
It may be a lot for one person.
However, other factors could make this happen too even if you had more than 1 eg if one of them moved abroad. At the end of the day it's up to you and DH only.

i only have one, but for broadly opposite reasons. I can’t get on with being pregnant or having a baby. Toddlers who can talk t9 you? Piece of cake.

When my babies were newborn to 1 year old I wanted oodles of babies

Adored them. Cried about not having newborn babies forever

Loved breastfeeding, little outfits and being pregnant

Then the toddler years

This is why I have 2 and made damn well sure I'd only ever have 2

If you do change your mind later you will be spending more time in the baby zone and have a bigger age gap.

It doesn't really matter...
Have 1, have 2, have 3. It's your and dh's choice. There's no right amount to have so just do whatever you both want 🤷🏼‍♀️

i have one DC, decided straight away we didn’t want anymore. I was mid 20’s, partner older - we never regretted it or changed our minds. Most importantly we did not discuss it with anyone but each other & were unanimous in our decision.

Also just to add we did not do anything to make this choice permanent (as in protection) until 10 years down the line. So we left ourselves plenty time to ensure this was right for us.

💯