To ask if I’m being shortsighted about the number of children we want to have

My 2 get along great and I'm very glad they have each other. I would never choose just 1 but each to their own.

I agree. I am an only child and feel very alone in the world with no support from any family member of my generation. It's scary knowing you are on your own to face whatever life throws at you. There's a horrible existential kind of lonliness too. I know that when my parents die, that part of my life will be gone as there will be nobody to share memories of them with. I can't say much more though because I will get ripped to pieces by people who will say I am wrong.

@Letsgocamping67

Good luck for the 5 to 10 years that DC cries and winges they are bored, lonely and have no one to play with. Just another view.

My dd has never done any of those things because they have nobody to play with. I'm one of 5 and I was 'bored' a lot of the time. Apart from asking for a sister at age 4, she's never asked again. Now as a teen she is very happy being an only- tells me this without asking.

Your post is also very insensitive to people who have secondary infertility or have suffered a loss.

Honestly no right or wrong.
We have a big family and love it but friends have none and are equally as happy. Do what you want!

If you are able to have a second then I would.

It's tough being an only child when your parents get old and needy.

I have one and am very happy with that (she's 10), but it certainly wasn't a decision I made when she was baby. There's no need to make any decision right now. You might decide in 15 yrs time you want another baby and have another at 40. Who knows?. Enjoy the life you're living now and let the future be.

I'm a believer that an only child can be quite lonely.
I have a 6 year gap so it can be a bit like raising 2 only children at times. But when it really comes down to it they will play together when they have nobody else.

I think a 2-3 year gap would have been my ideal - but something went wrong when I put the order in!

Lots of people aim for 3 years so the oldest is getting nursery funding before the LO comes alone.

I am genuinely amazed at questions like this - like it is only you and he who decide, no external circumstances, no issues along the road of life, no fate interfering, just you and he. Gosh.

But @youngoneanddone you showed do what works for you and your family. I don’t believe there is any perfect number of children. There are pros and cons whatever you do.

We were happy with one , I was mid 20s when we had him , awful pregnancy with hyperemesis for the entire time . We changed our minds and had another who was born when he was 6.5 yrs . You don’t need to decide these things now . I think either you or your husband would be completely mad to do anything as final as getting sterilised .

I wish someone had told my twins that 😂 I had a coil. It came out in my second twin’s hand.

I guess for life really. We have 4 children all young adults and they’re all there for each other.
life can be difficult and I know they’d all say they’re grateful for their siblings.
I can’t imagine them being only children. But as I said that’s just what I feel.

Good luck when they're adults and all hate each other and won't sit around the dinner table together (observations of DH's family)

Just see how you go .I had DD at 27 but DH was 36 so a bit older. We both still feel we don't want anymore for numerous reasons (she's 5 now) and life only improves as she gets older. Going back to the start feels extremely daunting and not that fun.i am also not sure my body or mental health would handle it.

I only want one child. Some people have commented that s/he would be lonely, but I’d rather give my full attention to one child than be stressed and financially stretched by having more than one. However, I’m early 30s and plans definitely do change as in my 20s I’d imagined having several kids naturally (but now want to adopt). Even though I don’t want my own child I’ve got a copper coil because I know plans do change and there’s a chance in a few years I might want to take a different path

Don’t decide now but do ask yourself how many teen/adult children you want round your table for Sunday dinner. You said you always wanted a big family. Two children isn’t big. Does one child feel too small?

Also lots of people have two or more children without being stay at home parents.

I will also add that nothing makes me happier than seeing my two girls (4yo and 11mo) interacting with each other. Nothing.

God luck for the 5 to 10 years the two kids bicker, fight, get upset about how unfair everything is and how they have to share all the time, and don’t actually end up best friends or liking each other very much. Just another view.

Fair, but sometimes I think that would be easier than the constant bickering!!!

You don't need to decide anything right now and you never know what might happen.

I'm 20 years older than you and my life has not turned out anything like I had planned for it to in my mid 20s! I wasn't ever having kids when I was your age and I now have two. I know plenty of people who had a big age gap. My DC friend is in the same year of primary school as his uncle. I know people who wanted loads of kids when they were younger and then chose to have none or stop at one.

Responsibility for what?

name changed for this as I could never admit this in real life.

We had our first. DP wanted a big family as he’s from a small one, and I was very unsure I wanted any more. I eventually decided that I didn’t want DS1 to be an only, so we had DS2, with a relatively small age gap.

I love DS2, truly I do, but I sometimes wish very strongly we’d stuck with just one. I feel like I’m being ripped in two a lot of the time. I don’t have enough time for the two of them, it’s bloody expensive. Bigger kids really do mean bigger problems. There are days where I really just want to stop the world and run off for a bit.

What I do know is that I was dead set on not having any more. It’s no longer an issue, but DP spent years trying to persuade me and I never moved on it. I have zero regrets about that.

I agree with the advice not to discuss with family, and I wouldn’t make any irreversible decisions now, but never be talked into anything you’re not sure about.

Good luck for the 5 to 10 years that DC cries and winges they are bored, lonely and have no one to play with. Just another view.

Decide what?
For him to have a snip?
To. stop having sex?

I did not want children when I was mid 20s at all as my life was a mess and had them after 35. Best decision ever.

Why on earth are you discussing this with your relatives? It's nothing to do with them. Just make your own decision (whatever it is) and keep it to yourselves. I am childfree by choice and never once talked about it with parents, in laws etc.