To ask if I’m being shortsighted about the number of children we want to have

Why are your relatives even commenting? It’s a private decision for you and your partner.

How dare I what?
Offer an opinion on a forum and say that others might be different?!
🤣🤣🤣

People on Mumsnet are so weird about only children! It’s really very odd.

Ain't that the truth.

OP, I wouldn’t decide now. You may change your mind or you may not, and either is fine.

Perfectly reasonable. Shows maturity and wisdom that you are thinking carefully about your family and future. Life is not One size fits all.
Perhaps you'll think differently in a few years, perhaps you won't. What you are doing is not allowing the expectations of others to influence your decision, which is a sound way to live your life. It is absolutely your choice!

Why is how many children you have any one else’s business?

Yup we had to have separate birthday meals for my parents and alternate Christmases as my siblings can't be in the same room as each other. It ruined a lot of special occasions for my parents.

I don't know why there is such a stigma against onlies on here. My mum is an only child and she never felt she missed out. She did say she wished she had someone to help carry the burden of caring for elderly parents with but at the same time "couldn't ever imagine having to share my parents!" there are good and bad points about both. Two of my best friends at school were onlies, most well-adjusted people I know with loads of friends.

You have plenty of time to decide, so just wait and see how you feel!

I decided to have a second in part because I worried that having an only child was a bit too “eggs in one basket” —like, having overly high parental expectations invested in one person. Having a second made me feel a bit more relaxed about parenthood. I also worried about an only child feeling burdened by elderly parents as we got older.

Did you consider whether DD would like to have siblings? I have many good friends but my sister is the only one who has been through the same experiences I have and I’m always grateful for that.

I actually think that you're being very responsible OP. Choosing to only have one child, having realised that that is all you can afford, seems to be incredibly rare these days. It seems most people just have as many as they want without a thought as to how they will pay for them if times get hard. When we decided to start a family, we decided that I would work for 12 months, and save every penny I earned, in order to be sure we could cope on DH's salary. We could, so we then started TTC, not only knowing that we could cope financially, but also with a nice nest egg from my saved salary, to pay for all the expenses of having a first child. We did think about having more than one, but having had a bad time when my baby was delivered, it put me off for a few years, and by then, we were happy with what we'd got. So my advice would be, stick with the one you have for now, and if time, desire, and finance all allow, by all means have another child/children at a later stage, but whatever you do, don't have more children just because other people think you should.

How dare you - this is a private and personal issue. We chose to have only one child - and now he is a 21 year old and the most caring lovely person.

Wrt to the elderly parents thing, that is one of the main reasons I'm glad to be an only child myself - all I ever hear from peers and forums etc seems to be

1. My sibling leaves me to do all the work, it's not fair, I'm resentful
2. My sibling and I (or even worse, my sibling's spouse and I) can't agree on what is best for our parents and there is a lot of guilt and shame all around
3. My sibling and I have fallen out over potential inheritance

That should say "also for some" not "also for some reason"!

This is absolute rubbish. There's no guarantee that siblings will make life more fun or always get on. Also for some reason the mental load is so much more that it can impact on mental and physical health.

And it's only on here there's this ridiculous notion you have to have kids close together for them to get on. I had a twin who I had nothing in common with and was always much closer to my other sibling 4 years older. We always went on holidays, day trips and played together. Age was never an issue. Neither was it for my partner and his brother who is 5.5 years younger. They've always had loads in common and are still incredibly close.

The narrow mindness on here astounds me at times.

This. Fundamentally, very little difference in mental load etc between one and two children. On the contrary, 2 kids close together entertain each other, and just make life so much more FUN for each other !
But I would definitely have them close together. Very dull otherwise, you are just stuck in the baby zone forever, can’t travel, they don’t want to watch the same thing on TV etc.

I think every child has a different experience - I was adopted and my adoptive parents had a bio son (a bit older than me). We get on perfectly fine as adults, but didn’t like each other much as children - he didn’t have my back at school and we rarely played together at home.
I have bio siblings, too, not sure how they got on when very young but when I met my bio brother (as teenagers), he wasn’t getting along with our younger sister, either.
I think a lot depends on the children’s personalities (which can’t be predicted) and what’s going on around them (I grew up in covert domestic abuse, they grew up with an absent father and mentally ill mother).

I don’t see the point in thinking about this, OP. Just crack on with life and see how you feel. Certainly don’t consider what others think.

@Strawberriesandpears @Busybeemumm well it's not really the point of the thread , but you're not wrong for feeling how you feel. Nobody is.

I'm an only child and can't relate to anything you say. I love it, sole charge, all their attention and resources for me. There's more including how my parents siblings treated them and grandparents causing a lot of hurt but I'll leave that out.

The point is, you'll never know how any specific child will feel about their family situation. All children and families are different.
So as a parent, this shouldn't be a consideration. Have the kids cos you want them.

I think you're incredibly sensible and sounds like the right decision. The planet is so crowded too, so environmentally it's a great decision too.

I would really park any of these suggestions to have more children so they are there for you when your older. I actually think it's quite a grotesque reason to have children. Children are people in their own right. They shouldn't be born with the expectation they'll be future carers.

I work in Older adult care. Myself and my colleagues will tell you that the vast majority of our cases, it's normally one child who manages everything anyway with endless, endless stories of siblings falling out or not involved or having moved away. And while it is hard, they manage to cope just fine. Its the one thing I'm not worried about at all having one!

You have the right number of children that is right for you. Life isn't black and white and there's about a 1000 different scenarios and variables that can play out with having children.

Why does what anyone think matter? You do what's best for you and your family.

Rubbish. DC 1 grew up an only ( 18 year gap before DTs came along) and was never bored, and is an incredibly self sufficient resourceful person. My twins? Always bored. Always falling out. Very needy. Non stop whinging. An only child is a blissful experience for all concerned ime.

I agree. And who is to say an only child will (or should) take it on themselves to stick around and look after elderly parents. They could emigrate and never return.

People are people. If they are nearby and open to helping elderly parents, it doesn’t matter if they is one child or one of three. The only difference having multiple children is that you are increasing the odds of one of them being around to help and if that’s your motive, you might as well have six or ten children to increase the odds further. Cheaper to save for a care home!

I’m one of 3. Never played as children, never see them as adult. Having multiple children doesn’t mean they will have anything in common or help
with adult problems. The only thing I remember is constantly arguing as teenagers.

Ds is an only so far. He’s never been bored or lonely for another child to be living home 24/7. He gets contact now with other children at childcare and play dates or just out and about. He’s content playing with toys alone or with dh and I. And as just one child fits easier into days out or our working schedule

You could and I would, who else decides if you get married ? FGS

Same