AIBU to be so angry?!

Well I suppose at least you get EOW to yourself which most parents who are together wouldn't get.

IKR. This competitive parenting crap is so gauche.

Another pious superparent heard from.
Gotta laugh at the way some people get an ego boost by slamming other mothers for admitting to perfectly normal feelings. How insecure can you get.

Quite a collection of saintly mummies on this thread who never find parenting a chore, cherish every moment with their offspring, have offered unlimited calm support and nurturing without a day off since bringing them into the world!

Get over yourselves - the woman is venting. She is a lone parent carrying she majority of the parenting burden because the child’s father rejected 50/50 as too much for him, although their work commitments are the same. She doesn’t have that choice (because she’s a decent parent) and picked up the slack. She doesn’t deserve to be mauled for enjoying the novelty of a child free week and being aggrieved it’s not more frequent.

Strangely, if the OP had posted she was living with her partner, doing the same hours as him but he was only doing
three fourteenths of the childrearing I’m sure there would be a chorus of LTB!

If he works the same job as you then why can’t he manage his time with her the same as you. If you can manage it then so can he. What would you prefer he do time wise

When I split from my ex husband- he was the SAHF. My children were 3, 5 and 8. The children remained with me and I basically had to change job roles to move to a more 9-5 scenario. I was mighty relieved when we did alternate weekends and he had the children for two weeks on the summer holidays. It allowed me to have some sort of life and I would plan activities around my non children weekends.

He’ll reap what he does when she is less and less interested in spending time with him.

Try being a lone parent! Thats a single parent who doesn't get any days off because the other parent is either gone or dead. It's 24/7 365. Be glad you get some time off and that your DD gets to see her DF.

I hear what you're saying OP, but I would have thought it gets easier as your DD gets older.

I'm not a single parent and my kids are older now, but parenting mostly fell on me. Once they were in secondary school it was much easier and tbh, apart from having to think of and cook what they'd eat, they were quite self sufficient.

I know some kids are more challenging though and no matter how easy a child is..it's great to have a break from them. Peace and tranquility is priceless.

Your DD is nearly a teenager, s she hasn't done 50/50 up to now , she's not going want it. Kids who were doing 50/50 want to reduce our d they get older, not the other way round.

Most teenagers are always in their rooms, and/ on their phones. Just make sure you're setting her up to be independent and do things for herself without heavily relying on you. That will reduce the feeling of it being so heavy on you.

12 years are capable of doing they're own laundry and preparing basic meals.

My god! You really don't like your DD, do you?

I feel you OP. I have a partner and this year we can't all go away on holiday together so I am going with DF and DS.

My partner is staying at home to feed both households pets and possibly taking the week off to do some work around the house.

As sad as it is, I feel a bit jealous of my partner! He will have a week to himself of not worrying about anyone (except pets). He'll be able to wake up and go to sleep when he likes, have a lie in, not have to cook for anyone but himself, watch whatever he wants on tv, not have to worry about being woken up several times a night by DS and so on.

DS is beautiful but he is absolutely hard work when he wants to be and it is draining. Doesn't make you a bad parent to admit it and some people on this thread are trying to shame you when in reality I'm sure if they were honest they feel the same way sometimes.

You and him are in the same job making 6 figures you don't need his shitty money ! Fuck him on that point when your child is an adult you can make it clear he paid nothing

You need to get to the root of what's going on with your child that's the main issue here. Get to the root so parenting isn't so hard for you

Get into therapy for yourself your stressed, your angry etc but it's all towards a man you doesn't give a shit how you feel. Time to take control of your own emotions! He isn't making you feel like shit your allowing yourself to feel like shit.

Part of being separated generally means the burden falls to one of the parents or the way it works for most separated parents. Rightly or wrongly that's just the way it is. If your child friends want 50/50 and neither does your ex there's nothing you can do. Get a cleaner, downsize if you need to so you have less mortgage/rent and more money so you can work less. You get the jist

Being angry or bitter is doing your child a disservice. Move on you still have every other weekend off and a Wednesday that's more than anyone who is not a single parent as they never have any time to themselves and in some families the one parent does do the majority of the parenting while the other parent is working 12 hour days or works away so the grass is not always greener

Honestly, some of these pious posts.....So it's unreasonable to be angry at a man who chooses to have a child but then opts out of being a father? Whilst actually standing up and doing the work of both parents yourself? Wow.

Yes, bringing children up is "work". We love them immensely and we're glad to do it but if we're doing it properly it can be exhausting. I also love my paid job, I go above and beyond and sometimes do unpaid hours but I still bloody love the weekend when I can switch off! OP doesn't "blame" her daughter at all, she blames her useless ex!

OP I think @Jumblebum is right and re-framing things may make you happier but YANBU to be angry.

Why can’t you go back to 50/50?

I am a single parent working FT and have absolutely no help from the dad (he’s never even had her for one night) or any of his/my family.

The idea of having EOW like you do, sounds like an absolute dream and I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t jealous of your lifestyle.

But I still completely understand where you’re coming from.

The mum is seen as the default parent and is expected to bare the majority of the load, even though they are as responsible for the child as the dad is, yet the dad seems to get away with the bare minimum.

Good post to consider OP. We're all picking up how you feel - so will she.

Right. How dare a mother admit she enjoyed a break and that she resents shouldering most of the responsibility.

Yep. I wonder how long it will be before somebody does a NAMALT.

Yanbu op, it is shit that men get to opt out meanwhile a woman so much as enjoys a break from her kids and she's treated like some kind of pariah. I'm not a single parent and I'd fucking love a week off, I'm bloody knackered

And the common denominator is always feckless fathers.

I wasn't talking to you or particularly even about you. There are a lot of superparents here shitting on the OP. It was a general comment about the nasty, condemning nature of these remarks.

I'm being "superior" by characterizing what some people say as bullshit and intellectually dishonest?
Nowhere is there a moral judgement in that. It's about the arguments you make, not you as a person. Just make better ones if you don't want any criticism of them.
I did not say you are stupid. I said a term that was used is hackneyed and stupid.

I get it op
My ex has pretty much checked out of his responsibilities by drinking himself out of a driving license and job
He has his mother and new wife doing absolutely everything for him and I mean everything .
Everything falls down to me
Even when I'm putting a bin out I've caught myself thinking 'he doesn't even have to worry about putting a bin out as someone else does it for him '
He will never have to attend any of dcs appointments, school stuff etc. it's all down to me
So yeah I get it .

Good for you. Not the point of the thread how wonderful you find it all. The point is why this child’s father isn’t pulling his equal weight. If he can’t do his bit without becoming angry, perhaps he needs parenting classes or counselling. Slowly start upping the time his daughter spends with him so both parents are doing enough for their child. Not one too much and one too little, it’s how burnout happens and both sides are unhealthy for the daughter to see.

You’re not being unreasonable at all OP. It’s hard and it’s not fair. When my son goes to his dads for the occasional week I do miss him but it is bliss! People saying you need to save up for therapy for her are being utterly ridiculous. You’re allowed to want some time to yourself. Could you suggest him having her more frequently? An extra night a week or something?

I haven’t claimed to be a super parent. I said I’m a single parent and find it hard too, their dad never has them and it’s nice to have breaks but I’m not angry about the inequality or having my kids. My opinion is just as valid as yours, yet you insist on saying I’m dishonest, stupid, it’s bullshit. Not sure why you think you are so superior, we just have different opinions.

Just feels like I’m being punished for being “the good guy” which is generally a Mum’s reality.

Her point is about having so much child with her daughter while her ex gets away with it…

And I agreed with her points about parenting being hard but I feel it’s unreasonable to be so angry, which is what she asked.