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Original poster

DD current medical investigations and GP response

57 replies

Sparklybutold · 19/07/2024 18:25

Our beautiful DD has started investigations for either a genetic disease or a tumour. She is a toddler and will have to undergo lots of invasive testing over the coming days. Today I let her grandparents know. They asked which hospital, which I let them know, they then replied that it wasn't far and that they were now going to go visit a national trust. Cue a few hours later and DD grandma sent a photo of her trip.

I have posted in the past about the in laws lack of emotional intelligence but this has been particularly difficult today.

Should I say something or let it go?

OP posts:
Original poster
Sparklybutold · 19/07/2024 20:28

Justrelax · 19/07/2024 20:24

Are you sure they haven't misunderstood?

Because I did. When you said she's being investigated for a genetic disease or a tumour, what I understood is that it could be neither. What you seem to now be saying is that it's definitely one or the other.

Maybe they thought it's probably neither, or that they didn't want to start ringing the alarm bells and make you think the tests were going to show up anything.

Its either one or the other. Her clinical presentation is beyond what could be considered’normal’. Her grandparents are aware of the symptoms and so will know its serious enough to be something requiring invasive investigations and active, possibly long term treatment.

OP posts:
Justrelax · 19/07/2024 20:24

Are you sure they haven't misunderstood?

Because I did. When you said she's being investigated for a genetic disease or a tumour, what I understood is that it could be neither. What you seem to now be saying is that it's definitely one or the other.

Maybe they thought it's probably neither, or that they didn't want to start ringing the alarm bells and make you think the tests were going to show up anything.

Devilsmommy · 19/07/2024 19:23

So sorry for what your little one is going through. I completely understand why you feel the way you do. Your daughter is going through some really invasive procedures and you're stressed and worried to death. So sending you pics of a day out they've taken after being told all of that just seems really thoughtless and almost spiteful. I'd just take a step back whilst you're dealing with little one and definitely don't be hosting them, especially if they're going to expect you to wait on them hand and foot. Keep your focus where it's needed and they can just go on days out instead of dropping on you. Really hope your little girl is ok and that you are too😊💐💐💐

Original poster
Sparklybutold · 19/07/2024 19:15

@combinationpadlock just to be present?

OP posts:
Original poster
Sparklybutold · 19/07/2024 19:14

Blackcats7 · 19/07/2024 19:06

There is no excuse for this. I have severely limited who and what I tell about my own cancer. Some people are so hurtful with their response or lack of.
I think you have to see them for who they are and only have contact that suits you. The old saying about radiators and drains springs to mind here.
Hoping for the best for your little one.

🌸

OP posts:
Original poster
Sparklybutold · 19/07/2024 19:14

WindsurfingDreams · 19/07/2024 19:05

What would you say if they asked for help expressly?

DH family have a habit of vaguely hinting which he really struggles with but if they said outright they needed his help he would be there in a heartbeat.

Sending a photo of a day out doesn't necessarily mean they don't care, they might have spent the day out worrying and sent the photo to just to be a moments distraction for you.

I am so sorry for what you are going through. But even when we are having awful times life (weddings etc) carries on (and i say that as someone who sat by my son's bedside for weeks, I didn't expect the whole world to stop for everyone else, and people were amazing at doing anything I asked them for help with, but I did realise I needed to give them a particular job as otherwise they might worry they would be in the way etc)

I hope you get answers and ideally positive news soon

🌸

OP posts:
WindsurfingDreams · 19/07/2024 19:08

WeeOrcadian · 19/07/2024 18:48

They're cunts

Selfish cunts

End of

Limit contact, if not NC

Show quote history

Are they? You don't know that. They might have been desperately worried but felt that sitting around at home worrying wasn't doing them any good. And often not many visitors are allowed in hospital. People can still do stuff whilst feeling very upset on the inside. I have put in a brave face and got on with all sorts of things. Doesn't mean I am not as worried and upset as the person who falls apart dramatically, I just have a different way of dealing with it.

combinationpadlock · 19/07/2024 19:08

Sparklybutold · 19/07/2024 18:45

I don't know why I keep expecting a different outcome. When their other grandchild was in hospital unconscious for 3 days and in an oxygen chamber they went to a wedding.

what could they have done though?

Blackcats7 · 19/07/2024 19:06

There is no excuse for this. I have severely limited who and what I tell about my own cancer. Some people are so hurtful with their response or lack of.
I think you have to see them for who they are and only have contact that suits you. The old saying about radiators and drains springs to mind here.
Hoping for the best for your little one.

WindsurfingDreams · 19/07/2024 19:05

What would you say if they asked for help expressly?

DH family have a habit of vaguely hinting which he really struggles with but if they said outright they needed his help he would be there in a heartbeat.

Sending a photo of a day out doesn't necessarily mean they don't care, they might have spent the day out worrying and sent the photo to just to be a moments distraction for you.

I am so sorry for what you are going through. But even when we are having awful times life (weddings etc) carries on (and i say that as someone who sat by my son's bedside for weeks, I didn't expect the whole world to stop for everyone else, and people were amazing at doing anything I asked them for help with, but I did realise I needed to give them a particular job as otherwise they might worry they would be in the way etc)

I hope you get answers and ideally positive news soon

Original poster
Sparklybutold · 19/07/2024 19:00

Duckyfondant · 19/07/2024 19:00

My family are similar around the same thing. I don't think they know what to say, until there's a result at least. They also don't particularly know/want to know what the tests involve. You have my sympathy though. It's very tough.

🌸

OP posts:
Duckyfondant · 19/07/2024 19:00

My family are similar around the same thing. I don't think they know what to say, until there's a result at least. They also don't particularly know/want to know what the tests involve. You have my sympathy though. It's very tough.

Original poster
Sparklybutold · 19/07/2024 18:58

Ksqordssvimy · 19/07/2024 18:54

You want empathy, that's all. That's normal. I wouldn't say anything, I think it'll stress you out in the long run. Cancel their visit. My thoughts are with you and your girl. X

This is the strategy that both DH and I have done. My DH has accepted how they are. I continually expect something different. I just don't expect such coldness after hearing the news they would have heard today.

Literally, your grandaughter either has a genetic disease with lifelong consequences or a tumour. For this to fall so flat feels unreal to me because if that was my grandaughter id be devastated and would ask the most basic of questions whilst also asking my son/daughter etc what they needed from me.

Both are retired btw.

OP posts:
Original poster
Sparklybutold · 19/07/2024 18:54

nokidshere · 19/07/2024 18:53

I fear they will just become 2 extra people to care for and FIL can be a complete grump. If he's tired, everyone knows about it whilst everyone else rushes around looking after him.

This will only happen if you let it.

Tell them directly what you want them to do. If you want them to make a cup of tea, say so. Everyone rushing round after them is why they do it 🤷🏼‍♀️

You're absolutely right.

OP posts:
Ksqordssvimy · 19/07/2024 18:54

You want empathy, that's all. That's normal. I wouldn't say anything, I think it'll stress you out in the long run. Cancel their visit. My thoughts are with you and your girl. X

TheShiningCarpet · 19/07/2024 18:54

Sparklybutold · 19/07/2024 18:51

They will be staying with us next weekend for DD birthday. I fear they will just become 2 extra people to care for and FIL can be a complete grump. If he's tired, everyone knows about it whilst everyone else rushes around looking after him.

So either accept this or tell them to stay somewhere else and come and see you during the day…

nokidshere · 19/07/2024 18:53

I fear they will just become 2 extra people to care for and FIL can be a complete grump. If he's tired, everyone knows about it whilst everyone else rushes around looking after him.

This will only happen if you let it.

Tell them directly what you want them to do. If you want them to make a cup of tea, say so. Everyone rushing round after them is why they do it 🤷🏼‍♀️

Original poster
Sparklybutold · 19/07/2024 18:51

They will be staying with us next weekend for DD birthday. I fear they will just become 2 extra people to care for and FIL can be a complete grump. If he's tired, everyone knows about it whilst everyone else rushes around looking after him.

OP posts:
JC03745 · 19/07/2024 18:50

I'm really struggling at the moment and actually having practical support would mean a lot right now. Mum in law stayed a couple of weeks ago but she just became another person to care for.

Have you asked them for any practical help? If the MIL isn't actually useful to help though in your home, could they help elsewhere?

  • Could you ask them for specific tasks?
  • pick up Jimmy from playgroup at 2pm.
  • Would you mind collecting the medication from Boots for us
  • Could you drop Jessie at school tomorrow ?
  • It would be lovely if you could drop around one of your lovely roasts/lasanges/cottage pies for us all etc?
WeeOrcadian · 19/07/2024 18:48

Sparklybutold · 19/07/2024 18:45

I don't know why I keep expecting a different outcome. When their other grandchild was in hospital unconscious for 3 days and in an oxygen chamber they went to a wedding.

They're cunts

Selfish cunts

End of

Limit contact, if not NC

TheShiningCarpet · 19/07/2024 18:48

Sparklybutold · 19/07/2024 18:47

How's DD?
What type of tests?
How are you?
How's DH?
What do you need?

Show quote history

Totally reasonable - bare minimum in fact

But some generations are more stoic- until there are facts and more information they don’t want to fuss

and some people are emotionally stunted and unavailable

TheShiningCarpet · 19/07/2024 18:47

Aquamarine1029 · 19/07/2024 18:44

Not to hear about their lovely day out, not a care in the world, while she's worried sick about her baby, I'm sure.

Show quote history

I meant in advance … sometimes we have to ask explicitly for support

they have form, so not surprising

it’s hard when people dissapoint. They won’t change.

Original poster
Sparklybutold · 19/07/2024 18:47

TheShiningCarpet · 19/07/2024 18:43

What did you want from them?

How's DD?
What type of tests?
How are you?
How's DH?
What do you need?

OP posts:
Original poster
Sparklybutold · 19/07/2024 18:45

I don't know why I keep expecting a different outcome. When their other grandchild was in hospital unconscious for 3 days and in an oxygen chamber they went to a wedding.

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 19/07/2024 18:44

TheShiningCarpet · 19/07/2024 18:43

What did you want from them?

Not to hear about their lovely day out, not a care in the world, while she's worried sick about her baby, I'm sure.