AIBU to teach my toddler to hold my hand when we pass dogs on walks?

Of course you can ask your toddler to hold your hand if you think you’re approaching any potentially tricky situation. You don’t need permission - your call. It’s nobody else’s business.

You are being perfectly reasonable.
Our little dog was nervous so trained to come and stand up against me when children approached, on two legs. I’d put her lead on and stroke her head until they’d passed.

It was annoying when children still approached and tried to touch her.

We used to do this, particularly with DD2. The rule was that if they held hands and were calm then we would ask the owner if we could pet the dog. We did get a few odd looks but they tended to go away when we said that she got very excited around dogs and were trying to teach her how to behave around them, and to only pet dogs who wanted it. Which means respecting any noes, either from the dog or the owner. Ended up having lots of lovely conversations and spending time with dogs and their owners.

My dog is friendly, he loves children but I'd much rather people did with their toddlers what you are doing. A few months ago some silly woman was out with two toddler girls and let them come running up to my dog and start sticking their hands right in his face. He didn't react, but I was hugely unimpressed. They wouldn't leave him alone, even after I told them. I had to wait until she finally caught up with them before I could get past. He's a big dog too, bigger than they were.

My daughter has a dog allergy, so we always ask her to stay close to us, hold our hands when dogs are walking past. Once a dog came up to her and licked her and her face became very swollen and her eye closed over. Took a few days & lots of antihistamines for the swelling to go down. So many owners comment, saying oh my dog is super friendly, wouldn't hurt a fly, might lick you to death! etc 🙈 & we've to explain that yes, the licking is a problem. She's obviously nervous around dogs now too so it's stressful when dogs are off their leads especially in places where they aren't supposed to be.

Definitely over the top.

I think this^ post nailed it.

I don’t know teaching her to hold your hand is helpful because you’re not actually teaching her how to behave around dogs you’re taking her out of the situation.

Teach her to ask owners if they’re friendly, how to pet safely, what not to do, what to do if there’s a dog without an owner, what to do if there’s a big dog that might knock her over (although it doesnt need to be a big dog to knock her over)

Stops the toddler from running toward the dog, stops them acting randomly and without thinking if near the dog, helps to reduce the risk of startling the dog, etc.

Also means child is close to an adult incase the dog is jumpy or worse. Means op can position herself between toddler and the dog if need be.

Can you really not see how it can reduce risks in both sides?

I would shield your toddler when passing a dog, I always changed places if the child was about to pass a dog.

I’ve done this with DD since she was a toddler. She could not differentiate between nice dogs and the aggressive bullys etc in the park so thought it was a good idea. Also no dog likes a finger in the eye and you just never know with 2 year olds!

A close friend of mine was bitten in the face when she was a toddler in a park and still has the scars. Maybe thats why I’m more careful than most.

What @BogRollBOGOF said.

Did the woman with the puppies ask you before they came up to sniff your DD? Because if not she was the one in wrong. My DDs both loved dogs from the buggy but multiple unwanted encounters with "just being friendly" dogs mean they're now terrified. Sigh.

This was my thinking.
YANBU for asking your toddler to hold hands

If you are doing it in such an obvious way that dog owners are picking up on it, YABU (a little bit).

It's sensible to keep your own (very young) child closely supervised around unknown dogs, because too many dog owners CBA to supervise their dog and use "he's friendly" as a euphimism for "he's a uncontrolled public nuisence and I don't care that my furbaby just ruined your child's day/ relationship with dogs" and the most entitled among them will then blame the child for the distress that their dog caused.

We train young children to hold hands and be cautious around roads and as they grow up and gain more awareness, they learn the independence to handle roads safely themselves. It's unmanaged, out of control experiences that usually trigger fear.

Just want to say thank you. You are responsible. We make our dog pull to the side and wait when people are walking towards us as very occasionally she can be randomly reactive. Because she is beautiful (really is - not rose tinted at all, she is stunning) and because she is big and fluffy people think they have the right to stare and also try to stroke her and she doesn't like that so we teach her to wait so we can be in control.

With my work hat on (dog behaviour/training)...

I wish more people did this.

Teaching her to hold your hand means you're in much greater control of the situation, you can stop her running (to or away) you can have much more control over where her hands go.

As long as you're not adding dramatics (squealing 'oh no quick a big nasty doggy' etc and creating anxiety/stress), this is absolutely fine.

Kids can cause/exacerbate problems by running about, grabbing dogs, so teaching them to come to you/stand still/keep walking calmly and to generally ignore other dogs is a really good thing.

Something that some parents can miss - kids who have their own dog can very easily assume ALL dogs are like THEIR dog and thus its ok to hug, grab, squeeze... do things that their own dog likes/tolerates at home. This has landed many a child and dog into trouble!

If other dog owners are butthurt that your kid doesn't hurtle up to their dog or want their dog to come over.. tough shit, your kid and your dog are your priority.. not their feelings!

I didn't do holding hands, but I did start instilling in DC twins as soon as they could walk to not approach unfamiliar dogs and to ask the owner if they could stroke their dog etc.
Of course, it took a while for this to become habitual and I still have to remind them occasionally not to dart towards a dog. But, generally they're pretty good.
I've had the odd grumble from dog walkers when I've reminded the twins to be calm/ask before approaching, in the vein of "He/she's fine/loves kids", but my goofy smile and "Yes, I'm sure. Just modelling respect towards dogs" etc.
There are some dickhead dog walkers round my way, but most are lovely.

They sound like dumb dog owners thinking the world resolves around them and their dog. You sound very sensible op. You can’t reason with stupid so just ignore and carry on.

I’ve had an idiot dog owner allow his large dog to run right over my 9 month old baby on a long lead (what’s the point of them if they are not used to limit where the dog can go?) and I’ve also had a young woman with her very large dog get cross when we made protective moves with our toddler as we had no idea how safe or not her dog was as he galloped full pelt at her across an empty beach. Why do these dog owners have no concept that we can’t tell if their darling pooch is going to maul our child or not?

Many dog owners are very considerate. Some are not. You are not being unreasonable op.

I think you are doing the right thing!

I always taught mine to ask before stroking a dog and some owners thought that was weird.

DD was scared of dogs for a while after a puppy jumped up and scratched her face when she was about 5. The owner had no control whatsoever and just said he's being friendly as DD cried and bled. I was furious.

People are often a bit weird about their dogs.

Yeah I was thinking the same. I don't know if I'd even register a parent and toddler starting to hold hands in my vicinity, let alone assume it was something to do with me.

Perhaps these dog owners are particularly sensitive to perceived slights against their animals, or believe their dogs are so exceptionally adorable that it bestows on them a solemn duty to educate those poor unfortunates who need to learn to love dogs. But on the off-chance the OP is honking across the park like "NOW AMELIA WHAT DO WE DO WHEN WE SEE A STRANGE DOGGY? THAT'S RIGHT, WE HOLD HANDS, DON'T WE? COME ON SWEETHEART, HOLD MUMMY'S HAND UNTIL MUMMY SAYS IT'S ALRIGHT TO LET GO" then I could see why there might be the odd raised eyebrow.

What do you think holding your hand is actually going to do?

YANBU, I have a friendly medium/large dog but would not be offended by this, passers-by don't know that he's friendly so perfectly reasonable to be a bit cautious.
Children can normally get to know dogs owned by friends/families/neighbours if they don't have a dog so children don't need to be friendly to strangers dogs really, people are weird sometimes though 🙄

Given she is 2 years old I think holding hands walking past dogs is fine. There is only so much verbal instructions that can be understood at that age. If 3/4/5 years old then taking steps towards learning how to approach/to not touch without asking etc is more appropriate, but she's only young and will have poor impulse control so it seems safe/good to me!

I think some of the comments are abit harsh and missing the point…op said her dd is a toddler….holding her hand is probably the best thing to do, it’s like when you cross the road with a small child - you hold their hand whilst teaching them to stop and look both ways, green man etc.

I think you are being sensible op and I do the same with my young kids. My dd is 4 and she is very respectful of dogs, she would never go up to one and start stroking it, she gives them space. She likes dogs but doesn’t like them coming up to her sniffing etc.