Relocated for parents and they are MIA.

It is classic boomer behaviour to want the upsides of being a grandparent but not to lift a finger in helping.

No it isn't @stressedout1994 . A large proportion of boomers all over the country are giving up their retirement plans in order to provide childcare. Something their own parents didn't have to do.
And most of those not doing regular childcare, are still helping out where they can.

There's not a single person of the baby boomer generation in my circle, that isn't going regular or 'when needed' childcare.

So less of the ageism, please.

OP your parents sound horrible. My family live abroad and yet they used to take my daughter for the whole summer to their house to help me out (both my parents also work but my dad wfh).

@Hereformysanity Move !!!
Honestly it helps with the resentment . ive dealt with this .

Also With my sister from one set of parents . I couldn’t watch it or be part of it. .

Then I was away for years other set wanted me back now we see them less than before .
People want you around for whatever need iit fills in them I really don’t get it.

Do What makes your own family happy.
After all your parents made their own choices you should make yours.

They sound like narcissistic nightmares, with the classic Golden Child/scapegoat triangulation going on. Unfortunately you're the scapegoat, OP. They've manipulated you into moving because using guilt to manipulate you is their default. It doesn't sound like they actually wanted you to move nearer at all. If I was you, I'd move, as this situation won't get any better for you, and could well get much worse once your parents get older and are still struggling with the too-big house. Let your sister look after them. Not your problem. Move away and live somewhere of your choosing and go LC.

So they badgered you into moving on the pretence of getting help but that’s never materialised and they mock your jobs?

Time to move away again if it suits you.

Move to make yourself happy or work out what would make you happier.

I have a similar situation and you can’t change your parents, we had a massive bust up when I pointed out their false promises but they so look after my sisters kids. Try to focus on what you can control, if it’s moving again do it. What’s best for your family unit?

It's an acronym that I believe dates from the Vietnam war, it stands for Missing In Action.

I'm sure that mothers whose children are in Kindergarten will be delighted that you think that they 'sit on their arse' all day!

I agree, that's the real reason they wanted you on hand, to benefit them.
Back away slowly & dont put yourself out for them, ever!

OP I think your situation is extremely frustrating and I'm sorry you have had some critical responses. I can never understand the attitude 'why should they' when it comes to GP minding kids. Of course they don't have to, no more than anyhow has to visit or phone family. But the decision to not mind them and provide support is really bad minded. It would help you personally, their concern as a parent should be for your happiness, it would help your relationship to have the occasional night away or time off, most importantly it would benefit the child to have that relationship, one to one and independently of parents. They have decided you or your kids are not valuable enough for this and that is incredibly hurtful for you.

If your DH agrees I think move away now. That house and their stubborn attitude will be the source of huge stress in due course.

Another point worth considering is why the difference in treatment with your sisters kids. Are your children more difficult? My DS was a tricky child and I was upset my DF had little interest and started to accept maybe he wasn't that type of GF, then my sister had her first and he adored her, offering overnight stays etc. My DS even noticed it, he asked why GD only liked his cousin. Ds is a teen now and my Dad is in 80s but i honestly still get angry about it sometimes.

We moved back to the uk, in part due to cries from parents that they missed us. 5 years on, we see them maybe twice a year and then there's tantrums because the kids don't love them.
In our case I think there were good intentions of being involved and supportive, but they just can't be bothered when it comes down to it. No babysitting at all.
They won't change and you don't have to fit your life around. We're moving again soon.

OP, sooner or later they will need care and you will take great delight in telling them you're too busy and any suggestions of you paying for carers will, of course, be tutted at because how can mostly female carers leave their kids in someone else's care to come care for them and, naturally, care homes are out of question, as it's unnatural to leave family members in places like this on their own. Bonus points if you persuade them to downsize somewhere near you for convenience, but you become too busy to ever see them.

Selfish people like your parents should be thoroughly ashamed of themselves.

Oh OP - you weren’t being offered childcare - you were being offered the opportunity to make the children easily available for family occasions without the awkwardness of having to stay over, you were being lined up to do care for them. You were being encouraged to move closer to make their lives easier, not yours.

if this isn’t the area you want to live in, move again. And do it soon before your dcs are older and moving becomes trickier.

Can your husband's parents help?
I'd move near them instead.
Then when yours moan, point out that they had their chance and bailed on you.
Alternatively, if you have noone, unless you are truly settled now, I'd move anyway to your forever home - wherever you'd have gone if not guilted originally.

They have every right to do their own thing and you can't change the dynamic if your sister is Golden Child but you don't appear to be getting much from being local to them all - not even pleasantries or flying visits so fuck 'em.

Well if you had stayed where you were living before the situation would have been the same, with your parents unable to offer free childcare.

You moved because you wanted free childcare and are pissed off because you didn’t get it.

The fact that they are still working means they probably don’t have either the energy or inclination to offer childcare , or as you put it, an “opportunity to get to know their grandchild”. As though there aren’t other opportunities for them to get to know them when in the company of their own parents.

What is MIA ?

Oh no, another "boomer" bashing comment 🙄
Please see my response to @OnlyFoolsnMothers
Where is your hard evidence please that how OP's parents are acting is "classic boomer behaviour"?
I'm of the "boomer" demographic, and I don't behave like that.
If you don't have any facts to back up your prejudice then you are trotting out the old ageist terminology which quite frankly is tiresome to put it mildly, and I expected better from people on MN 🤷‍♀️

OP said her mum was a SAHM until OP was 10 and had lots of childcare from grandparents even though she wasn't working. She's now working part time and never helps her DD with childcare.

I'm a granny to two grandchildren, for context here. Quite frankly your mother sounds ghastly. But I also wonder if her judgemental attitude around your corporate jobs actually stems from jealousy and fear about her own situation.
Once you get into your mid-sixties hard decisions have to be made about where you want to live and what size of house and area you want to live in. However all those decisions about mortgages, finances etc - too late - that ship sailed much earlier on for them. To be lumbered with a mortgage at their age must be worrying, particularly knowing that they can't actually refurbish their house to a decent standard in order to sell it. Therefore your mum and dad have no choices and little agency in the matter. I think your mum is actually jealous of you - she sees your life and your financial security and realises where she's gone wrong!!!!!

Is your sister similarly high achieving to you? What is she like? Apart from the fact that she's deemed worthy by your mum of having childcare which your mum has denied you!

You sound lovely and I'm sorry that you were misled by your parents. Thankfully you do like it where you live, so that's a plus for you. We did it the other way round, and moved to be near our daughter, at her request - but I guess it was easier for us as she's an only child. We count it as our joy to look after our oldest grandchild (the other is a baby still) - we had him two days a week until school age - and he has his own room at our house for sleepovers too.

Becoming a granny doesn't automatically make you a loving and giving person - you've either always been that way, putting others before yourself to a certain extent - or you're not. Sadly you mum's the latter for you. Try and create a bit of distance from them for your own mental well-being. Think of your half-full glass -your lovely husband, children and job. Try and rise above the parental side.

They didn’t actually offer anything, you just assumed. They have their lives, best just get on with yours. No one has to be a childminder or do anything else.🤷‍♀️

OP I didn’t think you were entitled at all. You were clear in your OP that they asked you to move closer with the intention of providing childcare! I’m glad you’re happy where you are and don’t need to relocate or anything.

@Cotonsugar It’s going to come as a shock to you but there’s lots of non-parents here. Even more, there’s a whole sub-forum for those who are childfree.

OP, I’m sorry your parents have been so shit. I’ve read a number of posts over the years about parents who’ve begged their children to move or stay close so that they can have access to grandchildren and then make zero effort. Even worse when it’s so obvious that they are treating your sibling differently. Sadly some mothers just do not get their heads around the fact that it’s quite normal for women to work nowadays and to have actual careers. Whether it’s out of jealousy or whatever, they seem to think we shouldn’t be “stepping out of line”. Maybe they see it as us rejecting their life choices.

I think you just have to write them off and not factor them into your decisions or lives.

Oh please!............I'm of the "boomer" demographic, but in no way deluded, thanks very much.
We had advantages and disadvantages of being born when we were, just as "millennials", (and/or older), do now. I personally think that, certainly in terms of housing and higher education, my young adult kids have it harder than I did.
So, sorry, but I, and all my friends/relatives/aquaintances, etc. of similar age, feel the same and therefore do not suit your narrative.
I would never behave as OP's DM has.
Lumping us all into one homogeneous bunch is lazy, cliched, insulting, disingenuous and divisive, and you do not speak for me.

This!

Don't bottle it up. State the facts clearly and without getting upset - they'd love a dramatic reaction.

Move away if it suits you better. Let them know why.

I was going to say exactly this!