Husband is demanding money

I’m married with children, I understand the dynamics, and what goes in to maintaining a household.

I also understand the importance of not becoming financial dependent on my husband, and expecting him to pick up the tab for everything. Surely it’s not beyond the realm of possibility to see that will likely only end up breeding resentment?

OP has savings to cover the cost of a bill associated with her car, and should pay it out of that instead of expecting him to.

I also wouldn’t expect to leave with a greater share than 50% during a split.

It’s called the share for the children .

The man could Alway take the childcare on and do all the work that goes with kids . He can take the hit on his career and social life

Eh no he won’t . So there you have it why men end up with less.

You don’t create a family and the kids suffer because you still want your life to be the safe a sit was before you got married and especially after having children .

I used savings and then a bit of what he gave me. He had put some money in my name which I knew nothing about so when I got that I used that money. Solicitors bill you as you go along so it isn't all in one go. HTH.

Why do you only see £££££ signs. There is a massive amount more put into a marriage and raising children than physical cash. If a woman holds back her career to give birth and raise a couple’s children and this is a joint decision then she deserves to be financially compensated for this. She has given up her opportunity to earn money and have an established career in the same way her husband has. Can you not possibly see that??

You ARE a misogynist. You believe women's labour should be free, and only the husband's work counts. That's very firmly on the misogyny side of the court.

My divorce cost £10k.

I was a stay at home mum the whole time so put in no money once the babies came along.

He's had to give me a lump sum, a huge chunk of his pension and I'm getting more than half the house.

The kids are all adults.

Unfortunately his behaviour counted for nothing other than I made him agree to more than half due to being the only way he could show contrition but a judge had to agree it.

You can do this but you need to see a solicitor urgently and without him knowing of course.

Yep, 50% of what he earned while his partner was doing years and years of unpaid labour in order to allow him to progress in his career unhindered…. 🙄

No wonder so many men are reluctant to get married these days.

Put in £5k, leave with >50%.

And no, not a misogynist, before someone pipes up.

Oh I am also sure the lawyers when sorting divorce will ask for his bank statements based on the date you separated .
So you could tell your lawyer that and apply for UC if applicable on the same day.

I think as they say get your ducks in a row. .
Get all you need asap .
Once you’re organised your solicitor can send the divorce notice.

Women’s aid won’t push you to do anything but this is their job and they will keep you right. Give you strength that you are doing it correctly.

If you separate even though you are living together . You can claim for any help as a single person.
move seen mentioned on here alot the “entitled to” calculator online.
This lets you know your financial position on your circumstances and you can also apply for child support .

I think it’s in your best interests to get on with things tbh. Rip the plaster off .
Just keep everything to yourself until you have secured yourself.

This is great advice ☝and I think/know you will feel much better when you 'reach out' and get some straight up advice from Women's Aid or similar.
It's scary to make the step I know (I was in an abusive relationship for years too) but once you make it you will feel like you are taking back your power and your life will begin to improve.
I'm so glad i took the step all those years ago.
Don't wait a second longer than you have to .

Here's to a bright future!

(Ps. Hope you'll keep us updated 😊)

@DaisyChainsandSunnyDays I think the advice may get in helpful now . You need to call women’s aid they will let you know if legal aid is available for someone in your position .
Go and get proper advice instead of not doing anything as you are worried.

The other stuff everyone here can help with .
moral support or help topping up income or . Child support and UC advice .

For your divorce speak to women’s aid then a solicitor . Let women’s aid know it’s financial abuse .

OP, you will need much more than 3k of your savings if you want to get divorced. legal loans are ££££ and family loans can be seen as soft loans and possibly no be re paid from the final pot. If he fights you all the way, which he probably will, your legal fees will escalate. Plus, like like my ex, he may withdraw any financial support at all, be prepared for this. I had to fund legal fees, tens of thousands, and all living costs for me and my DC before the divorce went through.

The relief I've got rid of him is immense, I'm much better off financially too now, even though I'm still fighting for child maintenance.
Go for a clean break too.

If you are 100% going to leave him, contact women’s aid. They can help you while you get yourself together.
I did like someone’s comment of kick him out, divorce him and then sell the house.

I’m sorry you’re going through this.

This!

@Nanaof1 MIC DROP! ☝👏✊

Think is so sad to read posts like this.
differences between salaries is not unusual.
marriage to me (amongst other things) means making shared financial decisions as a unit.
i earn double my partner and I wouldn’t dream of doing what OP’s partner is saying.
partner wanted new car, as he has to drive into London. I get the train and have a little old runabout to get me to station. Being comfortable and in a reliable car every day is important for him. So, a no brainer we bought one, no discussions required about who finances what.

But with divorce she would get at least half plus maintenance for the kids.

When planning to leave consider that the court will take into account how much you financially dependent on him. The more financially dependent you are, the more the court will order him to support you. You need to chose how to play it. Increase the amount that he contributes as much as possible with a paper trail eg: new shoes and clothes for the children, hair cuts, after school activities, more and more groceries.the court will look at financially and see how much is spent on the children and make a decision. Whereas if you limit spending, the court won't think you need too much and award you less.