Dd and her bf am I being too sensitive

OP I completely get why you're upset, and I'd be annoyed too in your shoes.

This was rude (of them both tbh), but he as a guest in your house should have more manners. He should engage with the person who's hosting him (you), eat with the family and offer to tidy up afterwards.

The fact that he didn't would worry me as I'd see it as possibly controlling. I'm prejudiced though as my lovely SIL married a man who did exactly this, would visit my PIL for a week and barely be seen, eating in the bedroom and making minimal (but very charming) conversation. SIL lived a life of misery before finally managing to escape the marriage.

Have a gentle word with your DD, tell her that you've decided no eating upstairs from now on, aside from anything else I'd hate the smell of food in a bedroom. Also mention that the BF was, in your eyes, a little rude not to attempt to make conversation with you and your DS. She may have noticed this herself anyway. Just say that you would hate her to end up in a controlling relationship.

It may very well be that the BF just hasn't been raised very well. My two adult kids often have tales to tell about friends/acquaintances who literally have no clue how to behave in certain social situations.

I wouldn’t be getting upset about my dd growing up and starting to step away, that’s natural. What I would be upset about (in an angry not crying way) is a guest in my home being downright rude

I would be having words with your DD that while you welcome guests you don’t appreciate them not engaging with the household while being a guest

Sounds like he is immature and rude and whether your DD sees that is what you should be getting to the bottom of

Hmmm, mother's intuition kicking in here I think! Something not right in your gut but she'll need to work this out herself unfortunately. Also at uni they are used to having their own lives essentially but yes this seems kind of purposeful. It'll play out and shell come back x

He sounds like a totally controlling (and rude) weirdo. I wouldn't want him in my house. I hope you daughter wakes up sooner rather than later.

It was up to your daughter to say no, we're going to eat downstairs. Blame her, not him.

With any luck she'll see the light and throw this one back. You don't have to have him in your house though, you can say no to visitors and tell them t get a Premier Inn when he's about, not sure how that would work for your relationship with her though.

If you want 1:1 time with DD you need to pre-book that with her, so the bf isn't around or go visit her and take her out.

I do get how you feel, DD is a few years younger but it's just been telling two of us since she was born, I want her to find a partner and to be happy but I'm sure it'll also sting my heart a little when I'm the third wheel.

I don’t think you should ignore your instincts OP he has no manners or consideration for anyone other than his own wants, also sounds controlling. Eating separate meals upstairs just sounds odd and making a point of avoiding connecting with family. I think it would be good to hear what your DD thought about the stay.

This is concerning, as if he sees the family as rivals for her affection. He sounds young and unable to cope with anyone else competing for her attention.
I fear that if your DD can't see this for herself then it will escalate because people like this, jealous and insecure, essentially want their partners all to themselves.
And if a guest in my house didn't socialise and eat meals with me I would make it plain that this is extemely rude and not how civilised adults behave.

I think you are upset for the wrong reasons. Not about him pulling her away from you, it is more concerning that it seems he is rude to family and doesn't want to engage at all. I find that not pleasant and my incredibly abusive ex partner who I also met at university was exactly like this.

Refused lifts, any time with parents or family around, always had to be one on one so he could manipulate and control the mood and situation.

I am not saying that her bf is like this - just something to be aware of!

It’s not unreasonable to want someone in your home to speak to you. But, I get why they would want to be on their own and not sit with you or get a lift from you. They are only with you because that’s where your daughter lives. They are wanting to explore each other. Fair enough. To be crying over the lack of contact with your daughter for 4 days is bizarre and a bit much. To want him to chat when he sees you and is in your company is not unreasonable.

He sounds rude and lacking in self awareness. If I was stopping at someone’s house, I would be making more effort.

I would be tempted to say something to dd and bf next time you saw them, not too serious, but more along the lines of ‘oh I hardly saw you last time, you kept eating your dinner upstairs!’

I would find that really rude! I don't mind if they spend most of their time together and not with the rest of us, but cooking and eating all their meals in her room is out of order IMO.

Maybe talk to your dd about it for next time. Sounds like she wasn't too comfortable with some of the things he wanted either. At least he's gone now!

Yes and no.

She will pull away from you naturally. It's whether you think this was part of that process or whether she was being dragged.

I think I would have a chat and say something like "seems like a nice lad, and very happy for him to stay again, but need some ground rules". Keep it light and don't say anything negative. It may settle down once they are through the first heady weeks 😂

He is rude and possessive. Trust your gut on this.

I don't think you are over reacting, we would have called ours aside (out of earshot) and laid down the rules, though they know that family meals are how we operate here, it's a condition of their free accommodation!

He's rude. Meals should be downstairs, and communal. He should talk to you, yes.

Have a word with your DD and tell her that next time he comes he needs to be polite and that meals need to be downstairs.

He's an adult, he should know how to behave.