Dd and her bf am I being too sensitive

Yeah this is red flag territory. You don't visit someone's house and not interact. It's rude and controlling to be honest.

If he comes again, I'd very firmly be putting ground rules down that evening meal is together.

My dds boyfriend is here just now, they do spend alot of time in her room but he's engaging. Will offer tea/coffee if he's come down to make one. Will chat happily together or alone. Meals are always together. He helps clear up etc.

I was the teen who didn't want to eat meals with my bf's family. I found it extremely awkward. I was very outgoing on the surface but was actually pretty unsure of myself.
My mum didn't cook for me and we didn't eat together from age 14, so I kind of didn't understand the whole family meal dynamic.
So it could be something like that?
But maybe mention to her you'd really like it if they could both make a bit of effort to eat with you at least sometimes. And I think making own food (even quite late) is fair enough, as long as they don't disturb anyone or leave a mess, but again that's the way I was brought up.

LIke most other posters, I think k your paranoia abou there drawing away from you is a bit silly and OTT BUT I do think you have a right to be a bit annoyed and upset and, frankly, concerne.d At this age, of COURSE they're all loved up and just want ot be attached at the hip all the time. that's not strange. But I cannot imagine a situation where I'd allow DS and his GF to go upstairs to eat dinner in his room while we eat dinner downstairs. And I say that as someone who is not actually obsessed with all eating together - we often eat separately -eg last night DS sat in the lounge watching a show and I sat in the kitchen watching a different show as DH and DD were out.

So unless your DD regularly eats dinner in her room and therefore that's a habit that's well established, I'd make it clear in future that's not okay and a bit rude. I'd also make a light comment about the lift, "DD, you know that if you want a lift, you can have one, even if BF would prefer not to? You don't have to always do what he wants?"

Sorry I meant to quote Janieforever

But he's with her at uni? The trip home was to see her Mum. I'd be concerned (also experienced, sadly)

I would say his behaviour is extreme. But I guess you have no experience of odd or bad men.

I dunno OP, if your antenna was twitching I think you have a right to be concerned. Things to watch out for - does her behaviour change around him? Was she more sociable with other boyfriends? The trip home was to see you too. I'd be worried he was isolating her from her pals at uni too. Worth a chat I think.

I think she may be a bit sensitive but her reaction hardly warrants being asked if she has mental/attachment issues! Human beings are allowed to express emotions without there being something mentally wrong.

Going against the grain here, I really don’t think you should bring this up. If you start putting in ground rules like other posters are suggesting they will just stop staying with you. They are adults and want to manage their time their own way. At the same time, they are still immature and perhaps don’t have all the social awareness they will develop in the next few years.

Let them enjoy their youth and their love without trying to insert yourself into it. Of course he wants DD all to himself. He’s probably obsessed with her, as is normal for first love. Don’t make it about you when it really isn’t.

It sounds more like coercive control than young love. He doesn't want you and your daughter to have any alone time together. I have experienced this with a granddaughter. Her BF wanted to control what she wore, who she saw, and ended up physically abusing her. Thankfully she is well out of that situation now

Good grief, two loved up kids spending 4 days together and want to spend it together , amd your response is so exteme?

They were treating you like a leper in your own home - not her mother, and not his host. You're not being over-sensitive. This is not usual behaviour.

Yeah that's not great is it ? He might be shy or whatever but being demanding isn't good in a relationship.

I had this with DD fella when she was 16. Took meals upstairs. I did say i wasn't happy that they didnt want to be downstairs at least just for a meal with us...and said i would like that odd time. It changed a bit lol. They want to spend time together, theyre young. However, watch him...is your daughter outgoing or shy and quiet?

My DD is autistic so sometimes I have to explain how her actions might make other people feel as she doesn't get it. Sometimes young adults can also be blind to the impact of their actions on those around them. Your DD might have been really embarrassed about how he behaved but not wanted to make a fuss or felt conflicted as she knows it's not what you would have expected.

That conversation is a tricky one to have andits a thin line between counselling her on responsibility, impact and consequences, without making her responsible for your emotions.

Bloody hell, I think they were both really rude. You don't go and stay with your mum/your girlfriend's mum and then eat meals upstairs in your room.

You'd think he'd want to make a good impression, if he cares about her.

That’s really quite rude on his part, though, OP — and, worse, as though he’s setting himself up in competition with you and/or very dismissive of you. I’d have been upset too.

No, it's her problem, and on multiple levels. She's involved with a man who is this rude to her mother. She's involved with a man who is intent on monopolising her attention to this degree, that he would be this rude and controlling - at a time when most suitors bend over backwards to make the parents like them. And she is involved in a controlling relationship with a really strange, rude, weird man.

He's a little rude , saying that your daughter is grown up and probably wants to just share all the time she has with him alone. I know at that age I was not spending much time with my family . On the other hand are you getting an off vibe about him that he's monopolising your daughters time and possibly controlling her ?

He sounds rude and controlling.