Buying house with DP… not sure what to do.

I would not, at your age, be buying anywhere without living with someone first.
Having just gone through a breakup where we had lived together renting before we bought a house, I can't stress enough how much you do not know someone until you live with them, and that doesn't mean staying round at his place, it means being jointly responsible for the running and upkeep of a house.
I know renting in London is difficult but please don't buy without living together first - could you move into his flat?

This is such good advice OP. Unless you get help from parents or have inheritance it's not realistic to go straight into your forever home. I had to buy 3 houses and do them all up to sell for profit before I got my forever home. This is how it works in an expensive area you buy a flat, live there up to 5 years, do it up, then sell for profit. By then your careers have moved on and you move up to a 2 bedroom house. In a cheaper area you buy a 2 bedroom terraced house often with a backyard, after 4 or 5 years and more savings you either progress to a 2 bed semi or a 3 bedroom terraced. It's usually only after this move you get larger forever home. Renting for 6 months and living together will show if you are compatible. You need to be saving a deposit.

Slow down! You're trying to move far too fast with everything and you risk rushing into decisons that you will seriously regret down the line. I would never buy a property with someone who I had never even lived with yet, you could find you're seriously incompatible.

First thing you both need to do is get a realistic idea of your mortgage potential and affordability.

10% deposit is the realistic minimum, 5% are harder to get and will have higher interest rates.

4x combined salary is high end of what you will be able to borrow so on an £80k combined income you'd be looking at £320k max but you may not pass affordability checks depending on your current outgoings and commitments for loans, and if children are in the plan you'd need to factor in potential of £1k+ a month childcare fees on top of your mortgage.

Leaving aside the cost…

Why do you want to think about buying a “forever home” with someone who you have not yet lived?

You are putting the cart before the horse here. You don’t want to sink a huge amount of money into a house before you know if you are compatible.

For your budget and area you should be able to get a decent two or three bed flat: it’s highly unlikely you would lose money on it and you can try living together in a relatively low risk environment, potentially make some equity and improve your salary.

If it works out maybe that’s the time to think about a forever home.

My advice would be as others have said to either get married (before any chance of getting pregnant) or at least have a watertight agreement around the house purchase ensuring that you get a fair % of the proceeds if you split up. I speak from experience where I did not go on the mortgage ( lower salary at the time) but had a large deposit protected with a declaration of trust . We are now splitting up and my lack of ownership is causing all sorts of issues trying to extract myself and my money from the house.. Please listen

Firstly - You are not guaranteed to make profit on anywhere you live. Sometimes prices fall in the short to medium term.
Secondly - There is nothing wrong with somewhere affordable today and then to 'trade up' after a few years. If your property drops in price - the odds are other properties will too.
To me taking this route shows financial maturity and responsibility.
Thirdly - With a 5% deposit in the current market you are at risk of negative equity if prices drop.

fwiw I think the right nice airy spacious flat is much nicer than a pokey two bedroomed house. And lots of people in London have kids in a flat.

also, you need to cut your cloth accordingly!

Hi OP. I bought my first property in the broader area you're looking at. 2 bed flat with garden and parking for 285k in 2020. I was single at the time but liked that this had room if a baby came along. I got a DH who wfh instead so it's a study full of stuff now! I don't particularly notice the shared hallway and 2 of the flats where I am have their own separate front doors anyway. And my neighbours are great. Quite honestly you're fussing about things you can't completely control and won't actually know about until you look in earnest. You'll get used to the commute or you'll find a job that suits your situation better. Like everyone else does. Like plenty of my first time buyer colleagues have done.

You do have a point about leasehold but you could spend much more per year on a very expensive mortgage on a house than a service charge on top of a smaller mortgage on a flat. We are hoping to buy a house next as we are fed up of leasehold and are now ready to see what the future holds with ttc and we will be moving further out (which terrified me as I've lived in the town where I am since I moved out of my parents home!) to get better bang for our buck. Partly helped by having moved along at work as well- as many do. We're doing my flat up to try to make a profit on it when we sell, to help with the upsizing. Like everyone does.

Quite honestly in your position I'd move in with my partner first and check that we were compatible before giving up my savings. You also need to get over yourself wrt possibly living in a flat. Again, move in with your partner and try it. I grew up in an 18 room house with acres of garden and I've been fine in the flats I've lived in so your excuses don't wash with me, I'm afraid. I know I'll probably get a house again one day. A flat with your partner is also better than a bigger house but it being a many person house share in my opinion. More of a home and more "room" for yourselves.

Your partner is being much more realistic than you and is actually looking further ahead, in practical terms. I think you need to adjust expectations. I sympathise somewhat as I'm a rightmove snob myself- within my budget though!

Honestly, you're behaving like a child. Your parents have worked all their lives to have a house like this. You don't even have a job.

@cocunut I will try and PM you- because I read your OP and thought ‘that sounds like my house’ and it’s in the area you describe!! Not that I’m selling mine but my downstairs neighbours are 🤣 and it’s got its own front door and private garden etc.

You can still access parks and other green spaces. Your partner is being realistic and sensible.

You have champagne tastes and no budget, OP.

If he has form for railroading you into decisions you dislike then fair enough - time for you to leave him. If he's a kind and rational man then why not look for a job with higher pay and then you can look for a house somewhere.

With a joint income of £80k I wouldn't be borrowing more than 3 1/3 times joint multiplier, so £280k. Maybe you need to save a bigger deposit.

YOU have the final say on what YOU do with YOUR money.

Don't be railroaded into something you're not happy about.

And make sure you're on the same page I.e. you're both planning a future, not trying to solve his housing problem.

He doesn't get a final say and neither so you. Despite his salary you actually hold the cards as you have the deposit. This is a partnership. Like any disagreement, yu can both draw hard boundaries, such as you saying no to a flat, but you both have to be happy with the compromise.

Bad decisions are usually made when you are rushing so take time. His rental costs might be a reason to move but they do not dictate the timeline.

I want a forever home, don’t want to buy a flat to have to sell it in a few years when we have kids and I really want a garden.

Given the cost, time and effort of moving, I don't think yabu. If there is a housing crash, you may very well known stuck living with this man and any kids and this purchase. Have you spoken to him about your timelines for this stuff? Have you read mumsnet threads on the importance of marriage for financial security before starting a family? If not, I suggest you read them or ask on your own post and consider whether you may end up living with a man who keeps pushing marriage until you've moved in, then until youve had kids and then suddenly you're either unmarried with kids, limited income and no chance to leave if he plays up. Or you end up settling for kids and no marriage because you're worried about the clock running out.

Currently you hold all the cards. Don't rush because you're scared of having conversations that youre worried might make you seem pushy. It's perfectly reasonable to have these conversations before tying yourself to him in a property.

Standard procedure is to buy a "starter home" then gradually drag yourself up the housing ladder. Not even rich kids with inheritance, buy a "forever home" from the offset.
Also, living in a cramped flat is more romantic and fun while young. Having parties with zero space and minimal kitchen equipment.
Chasing "proper adulthood" feels like you are wishing your life away.

This

Not sure about the 70s but interest rates in the mid 80s when I bought my first home were certainly NOT 1%😰

And oh my god please live / rent together first. Utterly stupid to just buy Sri where together. And protect your deposit if it’s the majority. And maybe you need a reality check on what it costs to not live with your parents? I think you’ll be shocked.

OP you sound wildly naive. First you need to see a mortgage advisor to work out what’s realistic. Very few people buy a “forever” (stupid concept) home first time. You buy what is affordable now, pay the mortgage, and then when you sell you will then have a bigger deposit for a bigger place. Flats are fine, leasehold isn’t all bad, we had a council leasehold in London and no issues. Your partner is being very sensible.

Honestly, I don't thinknyoure ready to take on this commitment.

You talk about stretching to £350k as if it's nothing, even though you'll be contributing very little. Where's he supposed to magic that up from?

You can't buy a forever home when you don't even have a job.

Surely if you move in together then he can save money himself? As you'd be paying some of his rent?

We are still in my London starter flat -2 bed. After 25 years! Around my way I can but a 2 bed flat for £350k or a ton of very modern new build flats 10 mins walk away for £750! It's madness. So maybe new builds don't make money but other flats are good value.

We are a block of 28 flats (only 3 stories high) and we all own share of the freehold so we appoint someone to do the day to day management and I am a director of the freehold company so authorise charges-currently it's £1,000 per year per flat. Which covers maintaining stuff, gardening, insurance etc. so costs I'd incur anyway in a house.
Obviously that cost is much higher in fancy new build with porter /lifts/ car club.

If most of the deposit is yours then how does his income make him the decider?

Are you planning on paying half the mortgage?

You do need to lower your expectations. Your house isn't going to be as nice as your parents, that's not the world we live in now. But I do think outdoor space is important if you can afford it but you need to stop the talks of stretching your budget. 300k is comfortably affordable? That's your budget. You've had financial comfort for a long time living with your parents, you don't have that in the real world, you have the amount of money you earn and no more and it disappears quickly when you have your own house.

He doesn't feel comfortable stetching beyond his means, end of conversation, it is not something you push.