"No wonder the neighbours think you're loopy"

Argu · 2024-07-18T21:29:18+00:00

Said by DH to me during an argument. Would you think this means he has talked to them about me?

Rhaidimiddim · 19/07/2024 12:51

Argu · 18/07/2024 23:41

There really isn't any context to it. We had an argument about how he had behaved towards someone else. This was while I was working from home, I asked him to leave my room as I was about to join a meeting, he kept refusing, I raised my voice asking him to leave, and he says "no wonder the neighbours think you're loopy", then refused to elaborate on the comment. So if someone said that to you, would you think people had been talking about you?

Given the context, no. I'd think he was just grasping at whatever he could to make you out to be the unreasonanle one, when the context indicates it was him.

It is a gaslighting argument strategy in the same vein as "everyone says".

JFDIYOLO · 19/07/2024 12:48

They don't. He was lashing out in a way he knew would worry you - planting doubts about your reputation with nice people. Underhand and undermining you.

You're all on top of each other - is working in office not an option?

diktat · 19/07/2024 12:40

He's a twat. He's trying to make you feel like you are the problem, by creating this 'us vs you' thing with the neighbours. My brother does this, he lives with my mum and anything I did for my mum (at her request), he'd say 'WE don't need this', 'WE think that', etc. He was bullshitting, there was no 'we', he was just trying to make me feel ganged up on.

tealeaff · 19/07/2024 12:36

@Ginlfixit I'd be really surprised . Would you ever tell anyone their husband /wife is mad?

The majority of partners would be extremely offended

Blackcats7 · 19/07/2024 12:03

An over used term on MN but this sounds like gaslighting to me. Make you feel others are talking about you, don’t like you, you are mad.
Either completely made up or taken out of context and twisted.

Hoppinggreen · 19/07/2024 12:00

He might have discussed you with them, he might not.
Either way it was a twatty thing to say that was designed to hurt, upset and confuse you - he was verbally lashing out
Not ok at all

Nanny0gg · 19/07/2024 11:57

Argu · 18/07/2024 23:41

There really isn't any context to it. We had an argument about how he had behaved towards someone else. This was while I was working from home, I asked him to leave my room as I was about to join a meeting, he kept refusing, I raised my voice asking him to leave, and he says "no wonder the neighbours think you're loopy", then refused to elaborate on the comment. So if someone said that to you, would you think people had been talking about you?

No. I'd think my husband was an arse

Ginlfixit · 19/07/2024 11:56

tealeaff · 19/07/2024 09:11

I'd guess either

He has said this to the neighbours and they haven't disagreed which he's taken as agreeing
Or he thinks it and therefore he's assuming if they heard they would agree
Or he's talking bollocks

So no possibility at all that the neighbours might have said it to him?

WigglyVonWaggly · 19/07/2024 11:49

If the neighbours had made a weird comment about you, a decent man would have pulled them up on it. He’d probably also have informed you. What he wouldn’t do is report it back to you to support his own position in an argument with you. He’s doing it to try and make you feel he has back up, that he can’t possibly be unreasonable, that others support him. The neighbours may not have said a single thing of the sort. It’s like when people have arguments and they say ‘yeah, well everyone thinks you’re XYZ’. It’s done to shock and belittle you by making you think people are talking about you. So ask yourself why a nice partner would tell you this in such a nasty way and consider if he tries to make you feel shitty or doubt yourself in other ways.

pictoosh · 19/07/2024 09:46

Parkmybentley · 19/07/2024 09:25

Sounds like he loves to invent a "they" who miraculously all agree with him to psychologically convince you that you are wrong and he is right. Absolute bollocks!

Yep.

Parkmybentley · 19/07/2024 09:25

Sounds like he loves to invent a "they" who miraculously all agree with him to psychologically convince you that you are wrong and he is right. Absolute bollocks!

tealeaff · 19/07/2024 09:11

I'd guess either

He has said this to the neighbours and they haven't disagreed which he's taken as agreeing
Or he thinks it and therefore he's assuming if they heard they would agree
Or he's talking bollocks

NewDogOwner · 19/07/2024 08:36

If he had a decent point to make in the argument, he would have made it.

NewDogOwner · 19/07/2024 08:36

This is a deliberate attempt to get you to shut up; make you believe you are unreasonable and 'loopy'; and make you paranoid that the neighbours are talking about you. Don't fall for it.

TemuSpecialBuy · 19/07/2024 08:24

Argu · 18/07/2024 23:41

There really isn't any context to it. We had an argument about how he had behaved towards someone else. This was while I was working from home, I asked him to leave my room as I was about to join a meeting, he kept refusing, I raised my voice asking him to leave, and he says "no wonder the neighbours think you're loopy", then refused to elaborate on the comment. So if someone said that to you, would you think people had been talking about you?

If anyone is loopy it’s your DH (dickhead husband)

pictoosh · 19/07/2024 08:24

He made it up. The neighbours don't think you're loopy. He wanted you to feel as bad as he did, so he grabbed this bullshit out of thin air in the hope you would be embarrassed and offended...just as he (rightly) felt when you called him out for being a twat.

Why? Because his ego is more important than anything else.

Might be wrong but....

KrisAkabusi · 19/07/2024 08:15

Treating your husband like a child by making him saying sorry isn't going to de-escalate anything. Also, that was a hell of a lot more context for something that "doesn't have any context really".

Back on topic, I'd say that it's something the neighbours have said, not necessarily that he's been talking to them about you.

Aussieland · 19/07/2024 08:04

I think you have bigger problems

Werweisswohin · 19/07/2024 07:58

That definitely wasn't a nice thing to say, however if your neighbours are anything like mine it's a compliment for them to find you 'loopy'.

Original poster

Argu · 19/07/2024 07:48

Thank you all. From your comments it sounds like most people wouldn't think that this comment would imply that it is a fact that the neighbours think this of me.

It's a term he uses when I get upset with him which makes me feel that he invalidates my feelings and dismisses them as unreasonableness. In this case, DS kept misbehaving, DH lost his rag with him and kept OTT shouting at him, DS kept crying hysterically, and I tried to de-escalate the situation by getting them to say sorry to each other, then DS calmed down and DH stopped shouting. Once DS was gone, 30 minutes later DH was furious with me for having made him apologise, I explained to him why I did it then asked him repeatedly to leave as I had to join a call, he kept refusing to leave the room and insisted we were going to have this argument now, and after the 4th time or so I said in a loud voice "For f's sake just leave!" And he did, but just as he closed the door behind him he turned around and made this comment.

OP posts:

Chucklit · 19/07/2024 01:32

I couldn't let that go. Let him go and stew and then when he tries to be normal again ask him exactly what he meant about that comment. Gaslighting bastard.

Pinkbonbon · 19/07/2024 00:46

Agree with pp, I'd think he was a gaslighting prick.

Can't imagine ever being married to someone that would say such a horribly head-fucking thing to me tbh.

He's not a nice man.

OtterMouse · 19/07/2024 00:38

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NervousSubject · 19/07/2024 00:36

Our old neighbours did think I was loopy because I had a FT professional job and a small child, walked and cycled everywhere, and wrote books. I thought they were loopy because of their obsessive devotion to their topiary and their 20 year blood feud with the neighbours on the other side.

We actually got on quite well, though.

What I’m saying is that it’s not hard to be considered ‘loopy’ in some contexts.

PerfectTravelTote · 19/07/2024 00:28

No. He's being an idiot.