Page 4 | Is it rude to tell someone they look tired?

Edasseri · 2024-07-18T15:39:05+00:00

As a casual comment. For example, you meet up with someone, say hi etc and then you tell them they look really tired

Loloj · 18/07/2024 17:34

Yes it is rude. You may as well say “oh you’re looking shit today”.

Normallynumb · 18/07/2024 17:34

Personally it doesn't bother me if someone asks... as it's true and I take it as they're concerned for my welfare!
I do understand how it would be rude in a different context though

marmiteoneverything · 18/07/2024 17:33

Generally, I think it’s code for “You look considerably worse than you usually do” which is rude, yes.

I have also given a blunt response to someone I barely knew who said I looked tired when I walked past her at uni. I did feel a bit guilty afterwards as I don’t think she meant it at all maliciously, but it’s just not an OK thing to someone you barely know.

Berlinlover · 18/07/2024 17:29

It’s extremely rude.

lovelysunshine22 · 18/07/2024 17:29

Also i was your dp and you spoke to one of my parents like that i would have torn a strip off you!

Beginningless · 18/07/2024 17:28

I dunno. When I am tired, sometimes if someone notices I feel cared for. Doesn’t make me feel like they are actually saying you look shit. But it’s not something I’d say to someone else unless I knew them well and I knew it would come across as caring.

lovelysunshine22 · 18/07/2024 17:27

It doesn't sound like he was trying to be rude but more concerned. You however were extremely rude!

PerkyMintDeer · 18/07/2024 17:27

nadine90 · 18/07/2024 17:15

I get this every time I appear somewhere without makeup. I am just very pale. It makes me feel ugly and self conscious. Of course it’s rude. If you’re tired, it’s up to you to say that if you want to. What can anyone do about it anyway? Take on all your responsibilities for the day and send you for a nap? If they can’t/won’t do that, they shouldn’t be asking.

I had this in a cafe while holding a newborn, with a full face of make up on, aged 22, looking as good as it got, from an elderly woman.

She came to coo at the baby, declared, “what a pretty little thing you are, full of mischief, you’ve kept your poor mother awake all night! Look at her! Exhausted! Bags like suitcases under her eyes the poor lamb. You’re struggling dear, I can tell. You look like you haven’t slept since the birth.”

It wasn’t my baby. I was just holding her while my friend was at the toilet. I felt devastated.

Thmssngvwlsrnd · 18/07/2024 17:26

Yes it is very rude. I get this all the time as I am naturally pale with dark circles under my eyes. I do know what I look like, I don't need someone to tell me. It makes me feel so self conscious and really brings me down, even if it started out as a good day.

BobbyBiscuits · 18/07/2024 17:25

You should've just said 'you're making me tired'.
Or 'you, on the other hand, as always, are bearing an uncanny resemblance to a young Robert Redford (or other actor closer to his era)'

StormingNorman · 18/07/2024 17:24

it’s a bit rude but wouldn’t overly concern me. Probably because I am always tired 🤣

Comedycook · 18/07/2024 17:21

nadine90 · 18/07/2024 17:15

I get this every time I appear somewhere without makeup. I am just very pale. It makes me feel ugly and self conscious. Of course it’s rude. If you’re tired, it’s up to you to say that if you want to. What can anyone do about it anyway? Take on all your responsibilities for the day and send you for a nap? If they can’t/won’t do that, they shouldn’t be asking.

I used to wear full make up to work every day. I once went in with no make up on and my boss asked me if I was ill....er, no, this is just what I look like

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 18/07/2024 17:20

It is rude but your comment dealt with it fine. Your DH didn’t need to get involved.

Betty789 · 18/07/2024 17:19

I get this all the time...it makes me want to burst into tears tbh. Everyone says it with concern and best intentions, but I have chronic illness and am fucking shattered all the time. Repeatedly being told you look like crap is so depressing!

ShyCrab · 18/07/2024 17:19

I think it’s rude. If someone has said this to me I just take it I look like shit then 🤣

Comedycook · 18/07/2024 17:15

It's awful if someone says it to you and you're not tired... basically just means you look like shit then

nadine90 · 18/07/2024 17:15

I get this every time I appear somewhere without makeup. I am just very pale. It makes me feel ugly and self conscious. Of course it’s rude. If you’re tired, it’s up to you to say that if you want to. What can anyone do about it anyway? Take on all your responsibilities for the day and send you for a nap? If they can’t/won’t do that, they shouldn’t be asking.

Nel1234 · 18/07/2024 17:14

Yup as someone who goes through periods of not sleeping well, and also suffers from dark undereye circles no matter how well I've slept - I would not appreciate someone saying this to me. Different if I'm speaking to friend/family member & I say I'm tired & they respond sympathetically and say I look tired.

Not sure I'd respond tho by telling them they look shit - depend on the relationship I have with them 😂

BogRollBOGOF · 18/07/2024 17:12

At least it's not "you look well"

It can be asked with genuine concern. It depends on context.

Comedycook · 18/07/2024 17:11

Yes it's very rude. It's something I'd only ever say to close family members

Wheredidileavemycarkeys · 18/07/2024 17:07

Unsolicited comments about your appearance are never welcome. Obviously.

Letsgotitans · 18/07/2024 17:07

Screamingabdabz · 18/07/2024 17:03

I’ve said it to friends when we’ve been out in the week for a catch up but it’s late and clearly their bedtime and stifling yawns etc. I might say “come on, let’s ask for the bill and get off home, you look tired…” is that rude? I hope not. I only say it gently with the best intentions.

No I'd say that's not rude, they are yawning. You're not commenting on how their face looks.

LiterallyOnFire · 18/07/2024 17:07

Beth216 · 18/07/2024 16:58

He might have been rude but your sarky comment was far ruder so I'm sure you made your point and can move on now.

This. You told your FIL he "looked like shit"?! Wow.

Itiswhysofew · 18/07/2024 17:07

There's someone I know who tells me this every time I see her. Not a problem for me.

I don't think it's rude, but some people seem to get upset by it. I wouldn't say it to anyone.

Cuppateatea · 18/07/2024 17:04

I’d say in your context OP he was rude and the comment was not necessary.

If it was a friend who I knew was going through a hard time or something and if they said they were knackered then I might say to them that they look tired. But would add do you need anything, can I help you with DCs or whatever.