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Original poster

Is it rude to tell someone they look tired?

115 replies

Edasseri · 18/07/2024 16:39

As a casual comment. For example, you meet up with someone, say hi etc and then you tell them they look really tired

OP posts:
SeasickAccountant · 18/07/2024 19:08

YES

WobblyBoots · 18/07/2024 19:02

Urgh I really hate it. My family are obsessed with commenting on appearance. I get it every time I see my extended family (perhaps they've forgotten I'm not 20 but a middle aged woman with loads of small kids and no fillers/botox!?).

I can't fathom why you would say it to someone!? I just hear 'you look like shit'.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe · 18/07/2024 18:56

It really doesn't need saying, not by anybody. If you think somebody looks tired then do something for them, there's no need to voice every little thought that passes your synapse.

PermanentlyFullLaundryBasket · 18/07/2024 18:54

Depends how it is said. A blunt 'you look tired' is very different from a soft 'you look tired, is everything ok'. It also depends how well the person asking knows you, knows your face and what is going on in your life.

Daisy12Maisie · 18/07/2024 18:52

I've said you look tired, do you want to give tonight a miss? Fine with me if you do.
Said to a friend with ME who really struggles so I wanted to make sure she knew I was fine if she needed/ wanted to cancel.
It is annoying when people say it when you are absolutely fine and aren't offering anything helpful. Eg you look tired I'll go to the bar and get our drinks- fine. Just you look tired - not helpful to say that.

coxesorangepippin · 18/07/2024 18:48

Of course!

NoraLuka · 18/07/2024 18:44

Of course it’s rude, unless the person is yawning or you know they’ve been up all night or something.

BarcardiWithGadaffia · 18/07/2024 18:36

Edasseri · 18/07/2024 16:45

My boyfriends dad told me I look tired twice yesterday and I got annoyed and offended. DP thinks it’s nothing to be annoyed about but I just think it’s plain rude. Especially because I felt absolutely fine, wasn’t tired, and he told me “I’ve never seen you look so tired” I sarcastically said “thank you, you also look like shit” and he just laughed. But then DP said I need to chill out

Edited

You lost any moral high ground with that come back. Ignore ot a non committal uh-hu is the way to go

pumpkinpie88 · 18/07/2024 18:28

Its one of my pet peeves. I'm quite pale skinned and have hereditary dark circles and am often told this. If it's from a loved one I have no problem with it, but when it's someone just negging it annoys me.

Katemax82 · 18/07/2024 18:22

Rude twats were constantly telling me I look tired when I worked on the tills at sainsburys. I got fed up with it so started just saying "thanks"

mondaytosunday · 18/07/2024 18:15

Yea I hate it. Often because I feel fine and think 'tired' means 'old'.
Why say it? If you think someone looks good or well, say so (maybe not well as people can think you mean fat). But don't say something negative. It's depressing for the person being told.

IncompleteSenten · 18/07/2024 18:03

It depends.

It's rude if they're being rude. It's not if they're not. 🤷

If my husband says to me are you ok? You look tired. Do you want to go have a lie down? That's not rude.

If someone you barely know says oh you always look so... tired... with a sneery look on their face, every time you see them then odds are they're trying to be rude.

Although you look tired as an insult is a bit weird isn't it?

blushroses6 · 18/07/2024 17:47

My MIL told me I looked tired in the middle of a family gathering on new years. I had bad morning sickness at the time so probably did but I had made an effort and dressed up/ put make up on etc so it just made me feel rubbish. I think it’s rude!

MushMonster · 18/07/2024 17:46

If they say it with concern, followed by an offer for you to rest, cup of tea or similar, then not rude.
Otherwise, rude.
I think he was concerned.

Meadowwild · 18/07/2024 17:43

In Japan it is a compliment. It means you have been working very hard and that is highly admired.

IMustDoMoreExercise · 18/07/2024 17:43

I wouldn't worry about it. My husband who is probably a similar age used to say this to women until I told him it was rude. He is the kindest man so he wasn't being rude at all.

Slugsandsnailsresidehere · 18/07/2024 17:43

God - yes!
It just depresses the tired person even more - especially if said whilst giving a "sympathetic" head tilt!

God I'm tired and cranky today!

Harvestmoo · 18/07/2024 17:42

Beth216 · 18/07/2024 16:58

He might have been rude but your sarky comment was far ruder so I'm sure you made your point and can move on now.

I don't think so. It's not what I'd have said but I'd have been quite impressed with the OP as long as it was said with some humour. Rude people go on being rude because no one pulls them up on it. It's a rude comment and much more often said to women than men.

Orangeoranges42 · 18/07/2024 17:39

MIL tells me this every Christmas. I like to play bingo to see how long into the day it will happen.
Worst thing is we actually get on quite well.

holjam · 18/07/2024 17:39

Yes it's rude and very annoying.
I work with a lady who loves to comment on how tired I look pretty much all the time.
Drives me bonkers.

marmiteoneverything · 18/07/2024 17:38

PerkyMintDeer · 18/07/2024 17:27

I had this in a cafe while holding a newborn, with a full face of make up on, aged 22, looking as good as it got, from an elderly woman.

She came to coo at the baby, declared, “what a pretty little thing you are, full of mischief, you’ve kept your poor mother awake all night! Look at her! Exhausted! Bags like suitcases under her eyes the poor lamb. You’re struggling dear, I can tell. You look like you haven’t slept since the birth.”

It wasn’t my baby. I was just holding her while my friend was at the toilet. I felt devastated.

Show quote history

Oh, bless you. Sometimes people just don’t think.

I met up with a friend when both of our babies were very small- they’re similar ages and were very obviously similar ages. A woman in the cafe made a big thing of how she couldn’t believe how slim my friend was with such a small baby, and how well and glamorous she was looking, while I just sat there and twiddled my thumbs.

I mean, she did look great… but she could have said it to her when I was in the loo or something!

Orangeoranges42 · 18/07/2024 17:38

Yes
1 - you are tired, now your tired and know you look like rubbish too.
2 - you’re not tired you just look rubbish

yes it’s rude UNLESS they are offering to genuinely help.

JennyJenny8675309 · 18/07/2024 17:37

I once had a male colleague tell me I looked “haggard”. I’m sure he meant to show concern for my well being.🙄

PeloMom · 18/07/2024 17:37

‘You look tired’ often is the ‘polite’ version of ‘you look like shit’

sunshinegrey · 18/07/2024 17:35

It doesn’t feel good to be asked this

There are other ways

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