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Original poster

Is it rude to tell someone they look tired?

115 replies

Edasseri · 18/07/2024 16:39

As a casual comment. For example, you meet up with someone, say hi etc and then you tell them they look really tired

OP posts:
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fishyrumour · 30/12/2024 22:33

Gwenhwyfar · 19/07/2024 06:17

I appreciate it if I'm tired. It validated how I feel.

Me too. I take it that they're showing concern for me. Never occurred to me they meant to insult me!

Thmssngvwlsrnd · 30/12/2024 22:13

Yes it is rude. I have dark circles under my eyes no matter how much sleep I get. I feel like wearing a t-shirt that says: No I am not tired, this is just my face.

WakyWally · 29/12/2024 18:52

A friend told me this. I showed how annoyed i was but then says it again at another time! Rude.

Bubblemonkey · 27/12/2024 16:00

I’m aware when I look like shit, I don’t need anyone pointing it out.

XWKD · 27/12/2024 15:38

I've never been offended when someone said I looked tired. Telling someone they look like shit is extremely rude.

Katemax82 · 27/12/2024 15:33

Yes. It's very rude. Especially if someone says it to a checkout person

EineReiseDurchDieZeit · 27/12/2024 15:33

I complained upthread that I used to work with someone who constantly said this to me. A few if us met up for a Christmas meal and she said it again. So annoying

heartsinvisiblefury · 27/12/2024 15:31

Commenting on anyone's appearance is rude if it's not something they can sort out in a few minutes I.e you've got lipstick on your teeth or similar.

heartsinvisiblefury · 27/12/2024 15:29

It's really rude in my opinion. They know they look tired and what's worse is they've probably tried to make themselves look as if they don't and then when someone points out the bleeding obvious it's awful.

RobertaFirmino · 26/12/2024 23:41

I wouldn't say anything outright but if a friend turned up looking exhausted, I'd try and find out if they were having any problems and would offer food/drink.

The13thFairy · 26/12/2024 22:40

An absolute acquaintance once said to me, "Oh, you look the way I feel!" I'm glad to say I responded with a puzzled look, "Did you really mean to be so rude?" and waited for her response. She sort of slunk off, sideways. Thank you Mumsnet.

Alittlebitfluffy · 26/12/2024 22:19

Beth216 · 18/07/2024 16:58

He might have been rude but your sarky comment was far ruder so I'm sure you made your point and can move on now.

100% this! Can't believe you said that.. talk about escalating!

Newname71 · 26/12/2024 22:13

Personally it doesn’t bother me.
A few weeks ago a work colleague told me I looked like shit! She was right, 5:30 the next morning I was in A&E and admitted with tonsillitis and sepsis.

XenoBitch · 26/12/2024 22:02

I had an ex friend who would start every interaction with me with "you look absolutely shattered". I rarely was! That is just how I look. I did find it very rude.

WakyWally · 26/12/2024 21:59

Personally ive had this myself and i find it rude mannered and unnecessary.

OrigamiOwls · 19/07/2024 10:57

It is definitely rude. Dressed up as a polite way to tell someone they are looking shit.

notanothernana · 19/07/2024 10:56

If it comes from a concerned friend, my mum it's fine. If my line manager, tells me one more time then I will not be responsible for my actions. It comes across as controlling and rude.

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 19/07/2024 09:21

It’s been said to me in the past, so I’d never say it to anyone - to me it’s a polite way of saying you look pretty awful. Especially, as a pp has pointed out, when you’re not particularly tired!

Wumblewimble · 19/07/2024 09:14

Unlike others, I love your come back, if he dishes it out he should be able to take it. I wish I said something like that in the moment .

Wheredidileavemycarkeys · 19/07/2024 08:51

marmiteoneverything · 18/07/2024 17:38

Oh, bless you. Sometimes people just don’t think.

I met up with a friend when both of our babies were very small- they’re similar ages and were very obviously similar ages. A woman in the cafe made a big thing of how she couldn’t believe how slim my friend was with such a small baby, and how well and glamorous she was looking, while I just sat there and twiddled my thumbs.

I mean, she did look great… but she could have said it to her when I was in the loo or something!

Show quote history

I think you’ll find it’s done on purpose actually. Sometimes people are just dicks.

Slugsandsnailsresidehere · 19/07/2024 08:18

Can I also add that unless the comments"you look tired" (which means you look subpar and lack standards if said by DMIL) is accompanied by an actual firm offer of help with whatever you might be doing then they can eff right off!

I'm hot, menopausal AND cranky today as you can tell 🤣

paradisecircus · 19/07/2024 06:43

I'd be careful about saying this - agree with PP that it depends on context and relationship. Your boyfriend's dad could have judged that one better. It amused me that you told him he looked like shit as a response.

Gwenhwyfar · 19/07/2024 06:17

I appreciate it if I'm tired. It validated how I feel.

ArcticBells · 19/07/2024 05:57

I got told I looked tired so regularly that I ended up having plastic surgery to remove the bags under my eyes.