to want to pay off the mortgage instead?

Very weird they gave you the money but didn't say it was for a specific purposes. If you pay off your mortgage now, surely you can then save up during primary school and pay for private secondary if that seems a good option at that point? It might not be right for your kid, you can't predict that now.

So they gave you money, and are now saying it’s for x… or they said we would like to pay for dd to go to private school - here’s money to pay…. They shouldn’t dictate well after the gift is given of they didn’t say so initially

It is very possible to do extremely well academically and in life generally going to state school. I went to a less than great state secondary school, have a PhD, am a qualified lawyer and all unis I attended were RG ones. You don’t need private school and 93% of the country manage without it. We have a PM who was not privately educated. Spend it on getting mortgage free.

Around here, you will pay £30k+ for secondary, £15-20k for prep. That is right now. Plus annual inflation. Soon there will be VAT.

OP's child isn't even in reception yet. That is what I am am on about. What about you?

Then why didn’t they keep the money until the DC was year 5 and then say I’ll pay school fees or stipulate that it’s solely for school fees?

Housing security also helps your DD. I would pay off the mortgage and maybe look at private school for secondary if you are in a good position to pay for it then. I wouldn't send her for primary unless there's a big need for it. It's a long time until she gets to secondary and you don't know what the situation will be like then in terms of schools or your own finances.

Why don't they just offer to pay school fees rather than gift the money?!

Mortgage every time- building equity buys your daughter security. If you find yourself unable to work in the future you can sell up and buy something small in a cheaper area. I know several privately schooled people who have had 10s of thousands spent on their education, only to do minimum wage or similar jobs. I know lots of people who went to state schools and now have very successful careers. Where you go to school doesn't guarantee anything in terms of career prospects, but £100k extra equity will hopefully guarantee some financial security. Your parents are being unreasonable to give you hassle too- you don't give a gift freely if you want tot dictate how it's used.

I would pay off a large chunk of mortgage. Say £60k.

That will then reduce your mortgage loads and allow you to possibly drop 1 day of work as lower payments. Less childcare needed. More time with child

I wouldn’t go down the private school route. It’s so expensive now, £100k will barely cover primary school, especially with added VAT. Spend the £40k remaining on educational expenses like experiences, memberships, resources.

state school, with additional sport classes and music lessons. With trips to various locations. Tutor if needed when older, and extra time from not having to work full capacity will give a very good education

They should have gifted it to DD with a caveat to be used for education. One of my Aunts did this, not that much though. Invest it in your DDs name and use for University, investment rates are probably higher than your mortgage rate anyway. They should have said it was for DD if they didn't give it to her directly.

Also, keep your payments the same so it may be paid off by the time your child starts secondary.

Off

Unless they want to pay for every term fee trip uniform etx at private school

Why would you think of sending dc to a private school instead of securing future and paying a chunk of mortgage of

So you will be using your parents money to have a good time once mortgage is paid? By which time the kids will have left school?

Did they say we'd like to give you some money towards our DGC's private education or did they just say we're giving you money Op? If it was the second they presumed you'd send her to private school and are now unhappy about it. I'm sure their intentions were good but if it was for school only why didn't they say so.

Mortgage first, then pay school
the weigh off your back from worrying about the family's housing can be transfered to you spend time with DD extra time attention in her education School isn't the only place to learn and children get alot from parents who have the time and energy to teach outside school setting IMO

Private school doesnt equal better

I'd pay off the mortgage. You will save loads in interest which means you can save more and make a decision about secondary when the time comes. Personally enjoying life and money for uni/house deposit are more important to me than school fees.

I would pay my mortgage but also plan private secondary education.

I'd do both, use the 100k to pay off mortgage and pay out of salary for school. Personally if I could I'd send my kids private tbh🤷‍♀️

No-one gave me any money but I've paid school fees and still have a mortgage.

But you aren't me. My mortgage was about £50k when ds went to his school. And the state school here is terrible. Even ofsted agrees.

If you pay off half your mortgage, you will have far more disposable income that your dd will benefit from. You will both have a more secure home. You may be able to pay fees out of your salary, given that your mortgage will have halved.

You need to judge what is best for you and your dd. Your mum is very kind but she cannot fully understand your situation. My mum would have told me to pay off my mortgage but It wasn't her decision to make. Just as this is your decision not hers.

How bad exactly are your local schools? My kids benefitted enormously by going to the local comp with local kids. One chap got a music scholarship to a private school, but was at the local comp by October half-term, missing his friends.

I think I would pay the mortgage off as financially this makes sense and then save money towards her schooling at secondary level as you say you you can probably afford it and this is when I think it really makes a difference.

Yanbu. I'm a lone parent and was gifted quite a few thousand (not quite as much as you).
It almost all went on the mortgage and meant it was paid off before I was 50. Was tempted to blow it on disney and a car but a secure roof over our heads was the sensible decision.

Pay off mortgage! Every time! Maybe also consider decent income protection policy if you don’t already have that in place. The roof over your head is more important.

Not every child benefits from the pushiness and entitled atmosphere of private education. It also puts a lot of pressure on a child, whether academic or not.

DS’s dad has zero interest so this decision totally rests on me do you live with/are you married to DS's/DD's dad?