to want to pay off the mortgage instead?

Question is - how many years of private school will 100k actually buy though? You could put it into the mortgage and re-mortgage when she's 11/12 to send her to a very good secondary.

As someone whose parents valued my education over everything else...YABU a little. My parents went to great lengths to give me the best education and I have benefitted hugely.

Nothing wrong with state schools but you say yourself the ones around you are not great. It's not just about the curriculum, it's about how good the other kids are, how much the teachers are pushing them, etc.

State school is free. I'd pay your mortgage, it makes far more sense.

I'm 100% with your decision OP. I was a bit older than 45 when mortgage free but cannot overestimate how it feels.

DS went to state school got mostly 9's at GCSE and is predicted Astars for A- level.
No way would I be wasting £100,000 on paying for a school. We also paid off our mortgage by 40 with a little bit of help from my parents and the feeling was amazing.

Pay off your mortgage, get her a tutor for her weaker areas, pay for out of school clubs and put the rest in savings for her for a deposit when she’s older.

I know a lady who’s parents paid for all three of their daughters education. Two became SAHM and one became an eco-warrior.

Giving your child a leg up on the housing ladder will be the greatest gift you can give your child.

Failing to understand that money is fungible is one of the biggest obstacles to financial literacy. It's on show in this thread in spades. OP can pay off 100k of her mortgage and then borrow it back later if needed.

I will say it again. Not round here they're not. That is prep school level. Secondary is £30k+. And OP's child is under 5. Now add VAT and however many years inflation.

hello!!! But you also said: 'you were planning on living a little'. Please pay school fees otherwise this will mark you out as unreliable.

Offset mortgage or saving some of what you save in mortgage payments seems like the best way to go - that way you still have your options open when she reaches secondary age. It may be worth sowing the seeds well in advance that you may not opt for private if you don't think it's the best option for her. My DD didn't want to go private, and has done fine in state schools. If she might not get the maximum student maintenance loan (or if it continues to fail to increase in line with inflation), it might be more useful to have some money left then.

Your parents need to recognise that if they want a gift to be used a specific purpose, they should say so.

I would use a chunk to pay down the mortgage for the reasons others have said. Perhaps you could also invest a sizeable amount for a deposit for your child to buy a property in the future Private school is not necessarily going to guarantee a better financial future especially as many universities now favour state school pupils

I read it more as she hadn't really thought about privately educating her DD until her parents raised it.

I’d pay off mortgage.

Were you privately educated?

If they handed it over without saying what it was for then they are ridiculous.

Assuming is not communicating.

I have given my children substantial sums of money and some has been for specific things (and discussed in advance) and some is just for them.

Frankly buying property in the catchment of a good state school is a better investment anyway.

Being a single parent means security in your housing tops everything.
Paying off your morgage early helps with that enormously.
Explain your reality to your parents.
They mean we'll and are very generous, but having a secure home tops everything.
Remember to protect that property from any future partners judiciously.

I'd pay down the mortgage. (Remember to check early redemption penalties first). Keep paying the same monthly amount and you'll make huge inroads towards clearing it

Private school isn't always better. My cousin teaches in a popular, highly regarded private school in his town. He is eligible for a very generous discount on fees but still doesn't think it's worth paying for his children to attend. He's happy for his children to attend their local state options

Explain to them that money is fungible. What you save here, you free up to spend there. It is much better to reduce debt because then you are saving not just the principle, but the interest you'd otherwise pay if the principle remained higher. So, more bang for their buck.

If you're not for private schooling, which I totally understand and so should your parents, then your DD can benefit in other ways. You say you want to enjoy life - and so you should! I presume that your DD will benefit equally.

Eh? If school fees are £15-20k then that would fund the vast majority, if not all, of 6 years in secondary.

I deeply regret sending my DD to private school. It has brought her some benefits, but has also not worked for her in some ways... and once in, you feel terrible taking her out... so you are committing to a massive outlay for 14 years.

And going in at 5, 100k won't even come close to covering her full fees... unless you are very rich yourself (clearly not, as you have a mortgage etc), then you are committing to working longer, in a higher paid job, without the option of scaling back when you get tired, and with later or less comfortable retirement in order to send your DC. It is also harder to find money for other things for DC - holidays, help buying a flat etc.

I could afford it fine at the time, but an unexpected divorce due to Husbands affair, plus fees more than doubling (that's before upcoming vat) plus the exhaustion of maintaining my job through Peri hell.... it's become a real sacrifice to keep her there.

Mortgage, every time.

Frees up money now AND in the future for both you AND your child. Offers you much more security against future financial disasters/life altering events.

Urgh. This is one of those "tests" isn't it - where your parents assumed you would spend the money on something despite not telling you that and are now bitterly disappointed by your lack of mind reading ability (and your general failings as a person who didn't instantly jump to wanting to spend the money on private education).

In your position I would also spend the money on a mortgage. There are years before DC starts secondary school so you can reasses when she is 9 or so to work out what the schools are like in your area and what your financial position is. Then you can make a sensible decision. Although I have a strong suspiciion if you had spent the money on private education your parents would expect input on your choice of school and what to make sure their "investment" was worthwhile.

If your parents are like this in general, I would also suggest you refuse to take any more money from them. Maybe they put it into a savings fund for DD if they really want to give money.

If you feel like it's come with strings attached or gives them an excuse to control you.

Give it back.

It’s lovely to have the option of private school. I moved my struggling DD from state to private and the difference was staggering, and I’m so glad we had the funds to be able to do it. I was in the same situation as you with our local state options being average.

It doesn’t seem to make much difference. Either use their gift to pay for fees and over pay the mortgage from what you are saving on fees. Or use their gift to reduce the mortgage and pay fees from your salary.

She said they were hoping she’d add to it, to build up a strong fund for her daughter, but agree they made a mistake and should have just paid it or put it in trust to pay for it.