AIBU to not care about pleasantries with colleagues?

If you work full time, you spend an awful lot of your waking hours at work. It's much more enjoyable if you are able to do that with people that you regard as friends.

An hour???? Nightmare

But why would they remain on a work app?

It sounds like we have had very different workplace experiences! I guess that could show that the perfect solution then would be for employers to offer the sessions but not make them mandatory, so that both those who want to befriend colleagues, and those that want to stay strictly professional, are both catered to.

You say it's 60 secs max, no big deal surely. Think you have to tune out for the rest

It’s for an hour a week and a way to combat loneliness

suck it up

ps I do talk about kids, kitchens, politics and Netflix with my colleagues when I’m in the office. If you don’t want to talk about your kids in your 60 second bit then don’t

Most of my closest friends have been made through work. Not all.

I'm still in touch with some of my childhood friends but I haven't lived in the area where I grew up since I was 18. They have all moved away too, so I don't see them often. Same with my uni friends - still in touch but not in frequent contact.

I don't have any friends through family connections, unless you count people I have met through my DH (ie his friends or the partners of his friends etc). We are all scattered across the country/world so not really very likely to make friends through each other.

Hobbies? Yes, I am close to a couple of people who I've met through volunteering.

But my closest friends are undoubtedly the ones that I've met through work...not including anyone that I currently work with, as it happens, because I am "the boss" and prefer to keep a bit of distance, but lots of them are definitely very good friends with each other.

This is completely normal amongst the people I know... you spend a lot of time with the people you work with, you work together towards shared goals, you experience shared challenges and triumphs, you have a good laugh together. It's pretty easy to become friends...

I do. Evolutionarily, humans are social animals. And although some people need and want less social connection, it is one of the protective factors against MH issues. Doesn't have to be a lot, but it needs to be significant. Things like anxiety aren't treated by avoidance. In the short term, it seems good. Longer term it's damaging.

I guess to me, if someone needs significant connection to support their mental health, then the onus is on them to seek this out socially (hobbies, groups, family etc) not rely on a collegue to fulfil this need.

Not sure where anxiety and avoidance comes into it. That is a totally different ball game to introversion and ND communication styles.

They're getting paid for an hour to chat & listen. Why would it affect their mental health?

With the best will in the world, you aren't going to build a social group based on old school friends or family if you've moved from Manchester to Brighton for example. I live in a large city and our local forums are full of young professionals who moved here and have lived here for some time but aren't making connections. People don't stay in the same place as they used to. Couple that with WFH and you've got a very isolated and disconnected society in the making.

Omg an HOUR every single week!

I don’t speak to my own mother for an hour every single week and I really really like her!

Why on earth is there this forced nonsense? It’s a JOB.

I would hate this.

Do you think MH issues will increase? After giving this some thought recently I feel like they may stay at a similar level, only the pendulum will swing to the other side and it will be a different type of person who struggles to cope.

I do. Evolutionarily, humans are social animals. And although some people need and want less social connection, it is one of the protective factors against MH issues. Doesn't have to be a lot, but it needs to be significant. Things like anxiety aren't treated by avoidance. In the short term, it seems good. Longer term it's damaging.

Wow really. I don't see this at all - I don't know of many colleagues who have become firm friends outside of work. Most have social groups built from hobbies, childhood friendships, family connections etc.

This might be true of people who don't move further than 5 miles from their parents. If you move, ever, you need to make new friends. Hobbies are great but work is too!

Ugh this sounds awful and a complete waste of time, and another reason I love working from home! 15mins at the start of a proper meeting about work stuff is all you need, just a how is everyone, any news you want to share, no worries if not. Work people don’t have to be your close buddies. That’s what a work-life balance is for. I’d just start not turning up to them and saying I had a migraine.

But if you never leave the house to go to work how do you ever find the people that you want to chat to?
What happens when you change jobs and it’s a team of strangers? And everyone thinks like you and can’t be arsed to give any time to getting to know you? Because they already have their little group of mates?
Relationships take effort. Sometimes they take listening to things that you’re not that interested in. Giving some of your time.
I just find all this antisocial whining so depressing.
An hour a week or your work time (presumably not in your own unpaid time??) is not a lot to ask.

Wow really. I don't see this at all - I don't know of many colleagues who have become firm friends outside of work. Most have social groups built from hobbies, childhood friendships, family connections etc.

Mark my words, 5 years from now, if everyone's jobs are FT WFH there will be a wave of MH issues, fewer marriages (loads of people meet at work), fewer meaningful friendships, and it will affect us.

Do you think MH issues will increase? After giving this some thought recently I feel like they may stay at a similar level, only the pendulum will swing to the other side and it will be a different type of person who struggles to cope.

The way society has been functioning for the last few hundred (or thousand?) years is not optimal for people who are introverted and don't require high levels of socialisation, and in fact causes them high levels of stress, mental health issues and burnout.

Perhaps as technological advancement moves us towards a more isolated societal framework, these people, who currently have to work out coping strategies to exist in society, will get mentally healthier while extroverts struggle.

@MrsTerryPratchett

"Mark my words, 5 years from now, if everyone's jobs are FT WFH there will be a wave of MH issues, fewer marriages (loads of people meet at work), fewer meaningful friendships, and it will affect us."

The affects are already here. I honestly think full time, or mostly full time WFH, is a disaster in the making. A large proportion of people I know met their future partners at work. Work colleagues also made up a significant section of their friendship group. There were (optional) social events throughout the year and sometimes just spontaneous things in the office, shared experiences, that got everyone laughing/talking. These days, time and again I read of very lonely and isolated young people. It used to be the elderly in this boat. Now it's 30 somethings, many of them desperately looking for love or even just friends online.

We have half an hour a week and it's drop in if you like. I try to as I catch up with people in the team who I don't often crossover with too much. They're all nice and I'd go out for lunch with them if we shared an office. It also helps the newer starters to feel more settled I think.

Also, we don't have to talk about ourselves. We often talk about interesting things we've watched/read/heard

I'd only say YABU if you go into the office and give your colleagues the cold shoulder. But why have a mandated chit chat teams meet

Not being sociable doesn't = being hostile

There are quite a lot of companies navel-gazing at how to 'draw employees together'. If they did this with a work focus then that would be one thing but to try to make it a 'water cooler' thing is something else. It's forced. Nothing good comes from mandated 'fun' and I agree with PP, that isn't good for mental health.

The only real option is to follow through with getting people back into the office on the same days - even if it's hybrid - so that on x and y days, everybody is back in to integrate as a team.

It doesn't affect me as I'm contracted to work from home but even I have to go into the office once a quarter and attend the odd random meeting in between. I make the effort to be jolly when I'm in the office because that's what's expected and it is actually nice to see (most of) my colleagues.

I think anything that helps reduce social isolation is a positive thing and I would whole heartedly participate whether i wanted to or not. In the past people lived in large families in the same villages and went to the same pubs and churches. Little by little these options to socialise and connect have been chipped away at. People move away for work, church has been replaced with individual spirituality, beer is now higher strength so the pub chit chat has changed to binge drinking etc. We are left with argumentative online forums which are often full of AI comments and can be wounding. I would take any opportunity to swim against the tide and have real conversations with real people.

I can understand why they do this - relationships in teams are a tangible asset and can be tricky with home working. I think it's a positive your work want to invest time in this.

I don't hugely enjoy this sort of meeting (as an introvert) but I think that understanding why you are being asked to do it helps. Ultimately, you are being paid to do it, treat it as my other work task.

You shouldn't have to share personal information, but I think if you are struggling to have something to say that's probably an issue with social skills. I talk about things like walking my dog or gardening, hardly massively intrusive topics. If I'm being honest, you sound a bit hostile to your team, which is the sort of dynamic the meeting is probably trying to address.

I also wouldn't like this, we are a team of around 15, some I'm really friendly with and some I'm not so I wouldn't want to pass the time with the ones I'm not whether I'm in the office or not...and I'm sure they feel the same.

I can understand a work related catch up but not a personal one and it's ridiculous that you can't opt out

You don't sound like a very social person. We do this once a week and it replaces the natural office chat. It helps keep good working relationships with your colleagues and helps combating loneliness. You might not like it, but you should totally do it. It's 1 hour a week out of your life. The what's app thing is batshit.