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What age is ok to leave a child at home for short periods?

70 replies

schg · 18/07/2024 13:40

I have a 10 year old daughter, would it be unreasonable to say leave her at home while I nip to a shop nearby? What are peoples thoughts? And if not yet, when?

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teaandtoastwithmarmite · 20/07/2024 09:32

We started leaving for short periods around 9. She now walks to school and back herself and comes home one day until we get back. Going to be able to leave her for a day soon. She is 11 and going to secondary in September

Stressfordays · 20/07/2024 09:13

Its something you need to work upto. 8/9 is a good time to start leaving them for very short periods such as 10mins while you nip shop. By 11 they need to be able to wrangle buses etc. alone so a slow and steady build up of independence is a good thing.

unframedfire · 20/07/2024 09:04

I love the idea that some posters have suggested to set a timer for longer than they will be (obviously they will be able to call me whenever if they need me) and their child/children are to call someone if the timer goes off that is a brilliant idea and I will be using this when mine are old enough to be left alone for longer than expected as if I'm not back then it's likely something has happened and I may not be contactable

thefamous5 · 20/07/2024 09:00

They all also know first aid thanks to being st John cadets, and know the chain of people to call if there was a problem/we didn't come back by a given time etc

thefamous5 · 20/07/2024 08:58

I occasionally leave my nine year old for up to an hour to do club drop offs and such. My 11 yesr old I leave for a couple of hours happily and my 13 year old has stayed at home all day when he hasn't wanted to come out with us.

They know the various ways to get out of the house if there was a fire and not to touch cooker/kettle etc or answer the door unless it was emergency services/beighbour. they have mobile phones, keys to the doors, and we are very good friends with both of our neighbours.

izzydrizzy04 · 20/07/2024 00:54

10-11 seems normal, i think i was 12

corrine3278 · 20/07/2024 00:24

Following

Jennyathemall · 19/07/2024 14:36

Natsku · 19/07/2024 14:29

Whatever age you and the child feel comfortable with and from your description, she sounds ready now. Most should be fine by 10* though.

*honestly most would be fine long before 10, its normal to leave them home alone from around 7 in my country - that's the age when they start to get more independent here, like walking to school alone.

Indeed. We probably started around 8 for 10 mins or so

SummerBarbecues · 19/07/2024 14:31

As a PP said, 10yo are Year 5/6. They are allowed to walk home from school on their own. So no reason they can't also be left at home for a short period of time. Like 30min to pop into the supermarket or drop a sibling at a local club.

Natsku · 19/07/2024 14:29

Whatever age you and the child feel comfortable with and from your description, she sounds ready now. Most should be fine by 10* though.

*honestly most would be fine long before 10, its normal to leave them home alone from around 7 in my country - that's the age when they start to get more independent here, like walking to school alone.

sunshine237 · 19/07/2024 14:28

'so don't give them access to the internet! Brick phone or landline.

You can't cover every eventuality but having a child really hurt themselves and drip a lot of blood around the place before he managed to attract our attention, no way would I put extra barriers in by having him need to go downstairs, out of the front door, navigate a couple of driveways and knock up a neighbour while in pain and dripping blood. Each to their own though, I suppose .'

I do agree, some sort of way of contacting you is needed if it's going to be more than a short while. Just find it a bit sad that 10 year olds unquestionably have a smartphone but their parents are only just thinking about leaving them at home for a short while. Feels like it's the wrong way round.

Anononony · 19/07/2024 14:12

My eldest is 11 and can be left alone for about an hour comfortably, and very recently I have started to leave him in charge of the 4 year old for 10-15 minutes while I pop to the shop. We have a few basic rules like no answering the door and no leaving the house unless it's on fire, and I've only left them both when the youngest is engrossed in something and not being a PITA. We live next door to a pub (with live in owners) so someone is always around should an emergency happen

Jennyathemall · 19/07/2024 13:56

At 10 we were leaving them for half an hr or so.

Giannetta · 19/07/2024 13:55

sunshine237 · 19/07/2024 12:04

Hear, hear! This is exactly what Jonathan Haidt talks about in his book 'the anxious generation'. Over coddled in real life, under supervised on line.

so don't give them access to the internet! Brick phone or landline.

You can't cover every eventuality but having a child really hurt themselves and drip a lot of blood around the place before he managed to attract our attention, no way would I put extra barriers in by having him need to go downstairs, out of the front door, navigate a couple of driveways and knock up a neighbour while in pain and dripping blood. Each to their own though, I suppose .

Thepeopleversuswork · 19/07/2024 13:54

I was leaving my daughter on her own for short periods of time (up to about 20 minutes) at home from early year 6 so probably 10/11.

I think with a sensible child, a mobile phone and as long as you are local and can be back quickly it’s fine.

sunshine237 · 19/07/2024 13:51

I miss having a house phone. Might trial having a 'house' brick phone.

The point still stands though that a 10 year old with their own smartphone is far more likely to get into trouble on line (at any time), than they are to encounter other problems whilst home alone for 20 mins.

It feels like people worry about the wrong things.

OhmygodDont · 19/07/2024 13:49

seagullsky · 18/07/2024 14:43

I’m surprised that people won’t leave a child alone until they have a phone. DD is not getting a phone till secondary at the absolute earliest. If there is a problem she can knock on a trusted neighbour’s door - in a true emergency they can call us. In my view she’d be in much more danger alone with a phone aged 9 or 10 than alone at home without one!

In our case it’s because we don’t have a landline. We never used to it so got rid of it. So unless they had their own phones they couldn’t contact anyone in an emergency if home alone.

Gymmum82 · 19/07/2024 13:46

My 10yo walks herself home from school, sorts her own dinner and stays until we get home from work roughly 2 hours later. She’s been walking home since September. I think it’s fine to be left alone at 10. I was doing the same thing at the same age but with a longer walk crossing 2 major roads.

primitivepainters · 19/07/2024 13:43

It's just 999 though isn't it?

Not like we won't leave them alone because we actively want them to be on screens, it's just like what if the house catches fire?

Maybe the answer is to get a landline.

sunshine237 · 19/07/2024 12:04

seagullsky · 18/07/2024 14:43

I’m surprised that people won’t leave a child alone until they have a phone. DD is not getting a phone till secondary at the absolute earliest. If there is a problem she can knock on a trusted neighbour’s door - in a true emergency they can call us. In my view she’d be in much more danger alone with a phone aged 9 or 10 than alone at home without one!

Hear, hear! This is exactly what Jonathan Haidt talks about in his book 'the anxious generation'. Over coddled in real life, under supervised on line.

APurpleSquirrel · 19/07/2024 00:00

DD is 9, nearly 10. We've started doing this with her; only for short amounts of time. She has a phone (no sim) so can message me, DH or her grandparents. We've also shown her how to use the home phone which has various numbers preprogrammed. She knows about 999; not to answer the door, use the oven, toaster etc. I even said don't stick a fork on a plug socket & she asked why anyone would ever do that. 😂
She's pretty sensible, just reads, watches tv or plays on the computer/switch.
I was younger than her when my parents would be gone all day at work over the summer holidays & it was just my DB & I. So yes, if you feel she's ready go for it.

BogRollBOGOF · 18/07/2024 23:56

DS1 was fine for a couple of hours at 10- he'd lost the habit of being lugged around everywhere during the Covid/ WFH stage and had no interest in going back to extraneous excursions in the name of supervision.

DS2 likes company more but built up to an hour or so at 10, and now at 11, doesn't blink at a couple of hours. He's gone out more independently. Walked home from school at 9, and has walked to/ from school from 10.

We have a landline with numbers programmed in and both children were well-drilled with my air stewardess mode in the early days on top of what they've learned in scouting about life-skills.

If there aren't SNs involved, I'd be worried about 10yos not being comfortable/ safe/ coping with short periods alone, and it's a skill best built up gradually as they get used to it.

Glitterandglue · 18/07/2024 23:49

When I was 10 I was left for an hour in the morning between my parents going to work and me taking myself up the road to school, and up to two hours after school before they got home from work. The biggest danger for me was falling back to sleep in the morning and not making it to school on time! Luckily I had a friend who called round to wake me up. I was a sensible child and my parents talked to me about what to do, as I couldn't contact them - so for example on the day I got home and the house alarm was going off, although I was quite sure it was just a malfunction I went next door to the neighbour who came in with me to check it out.

As others have said it depends on the child, but since you're asking I'm guessing you're not too worried she will try to do some cooking or start a party while you're gone. Just try and discuss all possible situations you can think of where she might need adult guidance or help and how she'll get it.

westcountrywoman · 18/07/2024 23:23

It depends on the child, you, where you live etc. I left mine at 8 for very short periods - to nip to the shop or post a letter etc. At 10, I was leaving them for up to a couple of hours (daytime only) while I ran into town or to the supermarket. At 12, I'd leave them for several hours in the day, but not at all in the evening.

Giannetta · 18/07/2024 20:29

They develop a new level of judgement around age 10 - eg they are more able to accurately gauge speed of traffic and assess risk. I would say once you have seen that spurt in their development and independence.

It's not just about the everyday, it's would they cope in a real emergency. DS has cut himself on something innocuous in a bathroom and not been able to leave to get help so 100% they would need access to a phone and the skills to use it, know our phone numbers and address, know what to do if there's a fire etc and be able to execute it, how to phone 999 etc.