help me live a lovely single life

This book is a bit old but I found it inspiring many years ago

"A life you do not need a vacation from" - I love this!

I'm alone for the first time in my life at sixty. Never partnered (never wanted to be) but finances mean my mother and I always had to live together. Now she's in care and I'm in a retirement village, and thoroughly enjoying life. I go to knitting groups a couple of days a week, gym once (got to keep that arthritis in check) and am sporadically looking for part-time work to boost the income. At home I have the company of my darling cats. I have no particular wish to go anywhere else, even for day trips. I am, for the first time, content.

Absolutely! I think volunteering will have a place in my future, but not at the moment.

You can do what you want. That’s the main advantage really.

Found it: https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5089044-to-think-being-single-is-amazing?page=8&reply=136880811

I came out of a 20+ years long marriage a couple of years ago, tried dating but ended up despising every man I met (why do they have to be so inadequate) so I have now come off all apps and turn down every invite I get when I'm out. It's very liberating and the longer I am without a man the more I want to continue being without a man.

I have thrown myself into making lots of friends instead and it has worked out great for me. My life is so full of love from them and my grown children that I really couldn't fit anyone else in even if I wanted to. I also have a dog so I already have someone who gets me out on a walk three times a day, who is over the moon when I come home, who will snuggle on the sofa in the evenings etc. There is simply no space or want for a man.

There is another good thread on this subject though if you need more inspiration, let me see if I can find it.

I make sure I see someone face to face at least once a week, preferably twice, for either socialising or work. I'm pretty introverted so that's enough for my sanity, I've got no wish for a packed schedule of socialising, gym, volunteering etc.

And isn’t it wonderful to have the choice!

Agreed! In those kind of moments I really feel how lucky I am.

Same age as you OP, have been single for decades despite best efforts, but now at peace with it.

My tips are to make your life exactly as you wish it to be. Vaguely interested in something new? Follow that thread and see where it leads you. I was interested in doing 'something creative' that eventually led to being an artist. I honestly don't know if I'd done that if I'd been coupled up.

Same goes for unusual places I have visited on holiday, books read, people met. You have the freedom to do exactly what you want, and the space to explore it.

I make sure I see someone face to face at least once a week, preferably twice, for either socialising or work. I'm pretty introverted so that's enough for my sanity, I've got no wish for a packed schedule of socialising, gym, volunteering etc.

I do have a cat, which is a mixed blessing. I love having her around, but it does curb some of the things I want to do.

I think volunteering is a good call. I wouldn’t want to do it atm with a full on job as I feel like need my weekends free to get over the week/do my hobby or even do absolutely nothing if that’s how I feel.

It is something I plan on doing in retirement but it’s a commitment isn’t it and I quite like being able to please myself in my limited free time right now.

I’d really recommend finding somewhere to volunteer if you can, @Muffintop101. It gives you a real sense of achievement as well as getting you out & meeting more people.

I’m so glad this came up on here tonight for me. In divorce-mode, late 40s, 2 school age kids. Am wondering how to start again after so long in couple-dom. I hope to be okay financially, but worried about just letting work consume my life because there’ll be nothing else to do and if I pester my friends to see them, will I be imposing? I have plans for gym, yoga, my home as I want it, not cleaning up after others all the time, but I’m a really social person and I seem to desperately need the attention of others to feel valid, so being alone with myself is daunting. Learning to like that. I remind myself that that was where I was when I met my STBXH, though. Finally happy and content being single. I could do that again. And you’re all inspiring me how.

I was thinking about this thread as I was drying my hair. I think my biggest tip would be to make sure you have something to do or somewhere to go in the winter.

For instance, one of my hobbies is very outdoors, but I’m no longer up for it in the driving rain or winter cold. So in the winter I go to the gym/pool/spa more. If I’ve got a weekend with nothing to do or no one to meet I’ll spend four/five hours at the gym one day. Not actually gymming but I might gym for 45 mins, swim for the same and then read my book with a coffee or lunch. I’d be lost without it in the winter.

I find this works for me OP 👍, anyway, back to this fabulous celebration.

Love Threads like this. Thanks, op. 5 years on my own now after a long marriage and I have no desire to be in a relationship again - 50 now. Have a dog which although is restrictive is great company. I’m content. I often treat myself and appreciate not having to compromise or put up with shit.

I ate fajitas for breakfast this morning.

Wow! Good luck with both.

Freshly single and this thread is SO uplifting, thank you for starting it! My first two single decisions were -

booked a week in Iceland driving around in a camper van on my own (he hated camping/driving/anything I regarded as fun)

booked to get my nipples pierced in August 😳😬 always wanted to but put it off as they need a while to heal, and pawing ex wanted access to them at all times 🤮

feel like I’m jumping right into the deep end somewhat but it’s fuelled by anger so I'm leaning into it!

I wouldn’t have another dog on my own after decades of being a dog owner. @Afternoonteavirgin is right, very tying. I’ve got two cats, I leave them in the house for one night away, anymore than that and they go to the cattery. Very manageable as a single person.

@Imbusytodaysorry Not wild camping but it was a tiny site with just a few pitches, a shower and a couple of composting toilets. I had the place to myself. I’d had lunch out at a pub each day and then just had snacks and wine back at my tent in the evening. Obviously there was a fry up for breakfast each morning but no cooking other than that. You should try it!

How tone deaf and self absorbed some people are. OP doesn't want to know that if she found someone she would be happy with...then she would be happy with them. FGS. Luckily there haven't been any saying 'I love my husband but if anything happened, I'd stay single' yet. Those are pointlessly tedious!

I've had a marriage and several long term relationships but I have never been with someone who hasn't either abused or cheated on me. So I agree with the previous poster about relaxing...I always thought I was unable to nap, to over sleep or to just sit with myself. Turns out I can when not worrying or stressing about a man. It's awesome...no questioning or attempting to decode or rationalise their mood or behaviour. Yes, if I had a nice man, that would not apply, but I don't.

I still have school age dc so not everything is easy going and without compromise but not having to consult a partner about anything is the best. Sometimes it's a burden and it's scary (household/money type stuff) but it's so much better than the alternative.

I used to be envious of couples/families I'd see on days out/holidays but no more.

No compromise.

Not RTFT but as someone who is 'single' (I have a LDR 'partner' but I see rarely and I live alone) I will say be cautious about pets. They do stop you from being able to do a lot of other things Ive seen mentioned in this thread, at least without a lot of prior organisation that is, nipping off for the weekend, staying out for late drinks, being spontaneous, going to London for the week etc et etc.

I have a huge dog who I adore-she makes me feel safer at home alone, she means I can visit friends/go to my lovely local pub at night and not be afraid to walk home after a few too many s wine, means I get conversation out of strangers all the time and she keeps me fit. However I can't just decide to go away for the weekend, or stay over somewhere spontaneouisly or even go out for the whole day, without provisions in place for her.

I've just packed her off to my ex's on the train (with ex, obviously!) because I am away for the weekend this weekend-but this means that I have to pick her up which makes my journey back more than twice as long a drive.

Obviously a dog is more tying than a hamster whom you could just leave food for for a couple of days, or even a cat whom the neighbour might be happy to see to. Worth thinking about though.

Eat what you want when you want, fancy curry for breakfast? Go for it.

As pp said mini breaks just for the hell of it .

the tv remote is always yours

sing as loud as you want

get a pet ( tho that curtails the mini breaks)

things stay where you put them.

no waiting around for others to get ready

Occasionally i miss the company , just someone to natter to at the end of a work day and someone to scratch that itch in the middle of my back , but thats what phones and door frames are for !

you are not the only one thinking about this subject 🙂

www.mumsnet.com/talk/relationships/5031100-a-true-definition-of-single-and-why-it-kicks-ass?page=1