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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To ask my husband not to nap while I'm working

337 replies

LookAtThatCritter · 17/07/2024 19:25

I work from home and unfortunately the only space that we have available for my work station is in our bedroom. I know - it's a pain, but it is what it is. We don't have space for it in the living room/kitchen, and I need a room with a door that shuts anyway because I have a lot of client meetings & work with financials.

I just need the space during normal working hours, so if I work unreasonably early or late I'm totally fine with having someone else in the room and I try to be really quiet. But during normal working hours, I like to try and separate my work from home so I don't get distracted and can stay productive.

Sometimes my husband will wander in during the work day and start napping in the bed (which is what my desk faces). I find this really annoying and distracting, but I don't know if I'm being unreasonable or if this is okay. He only works part time right now and no night shifts or anything like that. It's not even the napping that's annoying me - but we have a sofa in the living room he could use. I just don't want someone sleeping in the same room I'm working.

Am I being a bitch, or am I justified to ask him to stop?? 😫

OP posts:
Dunnoburt · 17/07/2024 21:28

If my epileptic friend was last person out and had a fit then God only knows the outcome. Not everyone works 9-5 standard hours where everyone arrives and leaves at the same time.....I work on a flexi system.

Jk987 · 17/07/2024 21:28

He should probably get a full time job. If he's not earning much and sleeping in the day for no apparent reason, that's a recipe for resentment.

Maybe you go in the office more often if it helps you.

RunningThroughMyHead · 17/07/2024 21:28

It's inappropriate and embarrassing. Of course you don't go and nap somewhere someone is trying to work.

Sounds like he needs to up his hours at work! Unless he's 60+ I see no reason why he needs a midday nap.

Oodiks · 17/07/2024 21:26

Gwenhwyfar · 17/07/2024 21:24

We need to know how old he is. However, I know a lot of people who nap on holidays and this person works part time, so isn't it his right?

His right? He has a right to nap in front of his partner while she's working because he only works part time? Srsly?

Dunnoburt · 17/07/2024 21:25

Gwenhwyfar · 17/07/2024 21:23

And do you have a disability? Pandemics aside, you can usually work at the address specified in your contract.

No, but I work with a lot of individuals that are not allowed to be "lone workers" when in office..... I'm just saying that it's not unusual.

Gwenhwyfar · 17/07/2024 21:24

Shessweetbutapsycho · 17/07/2024 21:19

Why is a grown man taking regular daytime naps!? I find this really odd!

We need to know how old he is. However, I know a lot of people who nap on holidays and this person works part time, so isn't it his right?

Gwenhwyfar · 17/07/2024 21:23

Dunnoburt · 17/07/2024 21:12

My employer has this rule......normally for individuals who have special requirements such as deafness, epilepsy etc. It's a duty of care.

And do you have a disability? Pandemics aside, you can usually work at the address specified in your contract.

Shessweetbutapsycho · 17/07/2024 21:19

Why is a grown man taking regular daytime naps!? I find this really odd!

Fullfatandfortyplus · 17/07/2024 21:17

I’d be fuming if my husband did this to me. However I would happily go and nap while my husband was working lol.

Oodiks · 17/07/2024 21:16

Tartfulodger · 17/07/2024 19:31

If the sexes were reversed here everyone would be saying he should go and work elsewhere and why shouldn't you have a nap in your own bedroom. Surely there must be some alternative area you can use to work from home? I'd understand if you lived in a bedsit.

The OP explained that there is nowhere else for her to work, but there is an alternative place to nap.

It's not about him being a man; it's about being the person working part time who wants to nap where their partner is working.

GingerPirate · 17/07/2024 21:15

Tough one.
To have to resort to a bedroom is unfortunate
and rightly annoying to the OP.
On the other side, without raging at the husband, where should he nap - by the chimney?
Some people do nap, yes it's mostly men, yes
I get the inconvenience.
Wouldn't think twice about my (significantly older)
husband napping, on the contrary it's a nice
me - time.😛

Dunnoburt · 17/07/2024 21:14

diddl · 17/07/2024 21:12

...my oh is similar as in when he is off work and I'm working from home in the dining room he thinks it's acceptable to come and chit chat and "mock" me when I'm in meetings.....

I'm not sure that that is similar at all.

I disagree.....its called work life balance......

diddl · 17/07/2024 21:12

...my oh is similar as in when he is off work and I'm working from home in the dining room he thinks it's acceptable to come and chit chat and "mock" me when I'm in meetings.....

I'm not sure that that is similar at all.

Dunnoburt · 17/07/2024 21:12

Gwenhwyfar · 17/07/2024 21:08

"there is no one else in the office so I'm not allowed in alone. "

What? Which law does this come under? What is the workplace specified in your contract?

My employer has this rule......normally for individuals who have special requirements such as deafness, epilepsy etc. It's a duty of care.

LondonFox · 17/07/2024 21:11

Zanatdy · 17/07/2024 20:23

Well she could move to the sofa and get a lap tray. It works both ways and primarily it’s a home not an office

But if napping person wants to use kitchen and living room, you cannot expect working one to shuffle around whenever someone wants tea, tv, food etc.!

Naps can surelly be done on sofa unless you are recivering from a major surgery.
Maybe her DH would not need bed during the day if he gets himself fulltime job.

Gymnopedie · 17/07/2024 21:11

He said he's sorry, he didn't realise it bothered me and if he does nap in the day he'll make sure to do it on the couch from now on.

Good result OP.

FrenchandSaunders · 17/07/2024 21:09

He works part time and needs a nap in the day …. is he 80? Weird behaviour.

Dunnoburt · 17/07/2024 21:09

Yanbu......my oh is similar as in when he is off work and I'm working from home in the dining room he thinks it's acceptable to come and chit chat and "mock" me when I'm in meetings.....he just doesn't understand that I'm working....(which is also why the housework/dinner etc isn't done when he gets home).......can he not kip on the sofa? It is normal working hours and he knows you work from home!

Gwenhwyfar · 17/07/2024 21:08

PinkSparklyPussyCat · 17/07/2024 20:56

Because that's so easy 🙄. I have no choice but to work from home 3 days a week, there is no one else in the office so I'm not allowed in alone. I don't want to move to a home with suitable space and even if I did, I can't afford to. If my company have taken the decision that we have to work from home they have to accept that I live in a one bed flat and therefore DH will be around as it's his home.

"there is no one else in the office so I'm not allowed in alone. "

What? Which law does this come under? What is the workplace specified in your contract?

Gwenhwyfar · 17/07/2024 21:07

OhHelloMiss · 17/07/2024 19:34

It's a potential breach of employer or client confidentiality for him to be in the space you work in while you're working there.

So the employer should provide a suitable workplace...

Exactly. Hardly his problem for being in his own bedroom!

bonzaitree · 17/07/2024 21:07

This is a really tricky one OP, sorry.

You both have competing needs and it is t that one’s more important than the other. It is primarily his home.

Could you have a system where you “swap” rooms. For example he could come in and say “mind swapping” and you could have a small area to go to work in the main lounge area. This could be a folding table and chair that you just get out for this purpose. Or maybe you already have a table?

would that work?

diddl · 17/07/2024 21:05

I must really be a pushover as when husband had to WFH it didn't bother me at all that he worked in our room.

I could still pop in & out if necessary & he would give notice if needing to lock the door for a call or to give a presentation.

Never occurred to me that me wanting to nap in bed might be more important than him needing to work.

Hankunamatata · 17/07/2024 21:04

I think he is being a cf. So rude having a nap on a bed while someone is trying to work.

LookAtThatCritter · 17/07/2024 21:04

To clarify a few points

It's definitely the only space that I can use. I have to use multiple screens as well and I don't work from a laptop so it's not like I can take my work and sit on the couch to give him space for napping. I don't have an office I can go to, and with the nature of my work/equipment I also can't go work from Starbucks or from the library etc.

We discussed the set up before I took the job and he didn't have any issues with it. The benefits outweigh the annoyance of having to work from a bedroom, and hopefully we'll get to move somewhere bigger soon.

He's not being a lazy by napping - he actually has had a busy day (house stuff + work) and we have a toddler so we're both tired all the time lol. To be clear - I'm not bothered about the nap. I'm just bothered about it being while I'm trying to work and concentrate.

I just wanted to know if I was being unreasonable before I mentioned it to him, but as it's been pretty split I just went ahead and mentioned it nicely. He said he's sorry, he didn't realise it bothered me and if he does nap in the day he'll make sure to do it on the couch from now on. So thank you for all your opinions (even the slightly rude ones 😜)

OP posts:
CatamaranViper · 17/07/2024 21:04

I love a nap. Every time I WFH I have a nap over my lunch and every weekend too. Makes my life better

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