To ask my husband not to nap while I'm working

OH works from home now and again. Can't imagine going into his work area and having a nap. I suspect it would irritate him!

Anyway OP and her OH have sorted it now

MrsSkylerWhite

Why? It’s his bedroom.
Why can’t OP work in the kitchen, sitting room or - shock, horror, the company building?

OP has explained why and I expect there's a good reason she's WFH and not going into work

50 sq metres is a huge living area! A normal 3 bed house is less than 100 sq m

Could you get a sofa bed downstairs so he can sleep on it with a duvet for his naps?

Maybe it's hard manual work.

Not everyone sits on their arse in an office or wfh sitting on their arse.

The trouble is that symptoms often show years before you're diagnosed with anything, which can include the need for a short nap. So if he says he needs a nap, chances are he really does. I'd just accepted the occasional need for a nap was 'how it is' when I was diagnosed with something and it all suddenly made sense.

I'm very lucky to have a DH who has always been understanding and encouraging when I've told him how annoying I find it that I sometimes do need that nap. It's only ten minutes but he knows that ten minutes makes me ultimately more productive. He's probably more accepting of it than I am, for which I am grateful.

Why would she mention it, it's not relevant to the question all she's asking is where should he nap.

Unless you have told him before it was ok, he is showing a complete lack of respect for you and your work.

Tell him you can't concentrate with him there and can he go and do something useful instead. Adults shouldn't need to nap during the day unless they can't sleep at night or have health issues.

You mean the name of work, of course.

Well yes I added that one being flippant. I was going to say a wank. Point remains, it isn't HER room, it's theirs
And if the issue is his employment state, his lack of domestic load, or that she feels it's a PA nap, then that's what needs tackling, not the audacity of him wanting to use his own bedroom

Could he nap with the toddler (and possibly get a bigger bed in their room there's space).

Does that not suggest he's exhausted?

Well, quite, I was being rather loose with facts 😆

pikkumyy77 · Today 19:34
OhHelloMiss · Today 19:31
It's his home too

I would prefer to nap on the bed rather than the sofa

He's not doing any thing wrong at all

This is some grade A bullshit.

Why? It’s his bedroom.
Why can’t OP work in the kitchen, sitting room or - shock, horror, the company building?

But op is adamant it isn't about the naps, it's about his presence somewhere she doesn't want him

Yep, I think you are being ridiculously unreasonable. I work from home occasionally and do it at the dining room table (I also deal with very confidential information). Why aren't you able to do that? My DH is absolutely respectful of my privacy when I'm working from home. If I told him he wasn't allowed access to his bedroom when I was working, I'm pretty sure that respect would diminish, and rightly so.

This isn't a DH problem at all.

You need to either get a space that doesn't infringe on your DH's home or you need to stop working remotely.

@Differentstarts the OP hasn’t mentioned anything about her DH having a medical condition which means he needs to nap in the day so I think your post is irrelevant.

The world has changed and its not as simple as home is home and work can never be allowed to disrupt that in any way. Not everyone can get a suitable job that allows you to work from the office full time or has a house that has office space. For women with childcare responsibilities jobs that allow WFH are often the most flexible to fit around your family.

I do agree that working from home you should be as considerate as possible and make every effort to create a separate work area but there sometimes have to be compromises for the sake of bringing in an income. Just as if someone works night shifts you might have to make some allowance for them sleeping in the day.

My H naps everyday. Just passes out for 30 or 40 mins every day while the DC run around. I find it so annoying. Napping during the day unless you're ill or exhausted - nah.

The fact he's napping in the day while I'm working would annoy me enough, let alone in the same bloody room. The first time he did it, why didn't you say "wtf are you doing? Bugger off!" (Which is what I'd have said)

I'm in two minds about this.

You're not unreasonable to find him napping right by your workstation while you work annoying.

But I also don't think it unreasonable for someone to want to nap in their own bed from time to time.

I think you need to have a conversation and suggest some solutions. For example, are there hours when you're less busy and wouldn't mind him napping? Could he nap in your child's bedroom (conscious you may need to change or add a bed). Could he nap on the sofa? Would a new sofa/sofa bed help? Or an armchair bed? Are there any places in your home where you could create an office nook (e.g. by adding a stud wall in an existing room)? Does your employer have an office you can work in occasionally, or could they look at renting a co-working space?

Given you've got a dual purpose room and two adults with competing needs it's time to find a solution that means you can both use your home.

Assuming he does need to nap and doesn't have any obvious medical conditions that make it an inevitably, is your husband okay? Does he need to do anything to sleep better at night (e.g. going to bed earlier or not using screens before bed)? Is he finding his job very stressful etc ? There's nothing wrong with having a nap - I love it - but in the middle of busy family life we can sometimes forget to check in on each other properly. It's always worth seeing if there's something simple that can give him more energy.

Hmmm. I can see both sides.

I completely disagree with @ThereIsIron :

"I'm struggling to understand why a grown man who doesn't work full time needs a "nap" "

Err I know loads of people who have a nap at weekends. Or a siesta on holiday.

It's not. Many people just hope and believe it'll never happen to them. If they're lucky, it won't.

It's not something I wish on anyone. I'm sorry you're there too.

Absolutely this is what I said further up I voted yanbu