To ask my husband not to nap while I'm working

I think this thread is an excellent example of men always being wrong.

I don't think they are always wrong, and doubt any other poster does either.

However, in domestic settings men often tend to put their immediate self-gratification ahead of what is best for the people they live with, or indeed their own best interests.

This thread and this forum is not here to be kind to men (will nobody think of the poor men!) - but to help women feel supported, and lead more fulfilling and productive lives. Female posters often post about challenges they experience from female co-workers, daughters, mothers, mothers-in-law, and female friends too.

If it's company policy, which it is where I work, then being fair doesn't come into it.

Well I'm not sure it's fair to say that an adult cannot be alone if they want to, no.

That’s a great outcome!!!

And people wonder why employers want their staff back in the office....

Client meetings / discussing finances, with your DH napping on the bed? This was never acceptable!

I think this thread is an excellent example of men always being wrong.

If a man worked at home and was in the way of the woman doing things, the advice would be that he should go and work somewhere else at least some of the time. Here - of course woman should have sole use of the bedroom (continuing even after the man has actually agreed to nap on the sofa).

If a woman worked part time and had a toddler, everyone would be saying how she did two jobs. Man is lazy and should be working full time.

If a woman with a toddler who worked part time wanted a rest in the middle of the day, everyone would be saying how important it was that she looked after herself. Man is lazy and it's ridciulous to be napping.

As for the idea of building outbuildings and garden rooms, you know that people live in different ways from you? I don't have a garden or a spare room, or an extra space, pretty typical for many people living in flats

Some of the responses on this thread are surprising. The OP wfh, she's said there is nowhere else she can work in the house (pretty typical) yet people are suggesting she go elsewhere. Are people genuinely suggesting she spend the family's money on a co working space so a grown man can sleep in the middle of the day?

I work part time (4days a week). My day off is used to clean, cook, shop etc because I have more time off than my DP. If I went for a nap I wouldn't be doing this in a way that inconvenienced DP. If he's wfh I respect his space.

I don't agree people would support this if the sexes were reversed. Part time working women are constantly told on here that they should be getting all the housework done when not working to support their partners work.

Sorry and completely off topic but this has intrigued me, does that mean if in the office that day it was only say me and your friend, I'd be tasked with safeguarding role?
It sounds awful but I don't think I could take that responsibility on, especially due to childcare pick ups if needing to wait for medical assistance. I of course would if something happened in an absolute emergency, but to be told at interview this was something expected at any point?

What a strange thing to do! I would be annoyed too.

Your home is not suitable for home working if that's the only arrangement! You need another work environment sorting.

So if you are on a teams meeting could someone witness your husband snoozing behind you because that would be ridiculous? And then of course you wouldn't be unreasonable to say no.

lol no that’s the size of the entire flat (and it’s less than 50 sq m I just haven’t given the specific number)

It's a hone not an office.Yabu.

This last run of responses is bananas, with a weird tone of antipathy towards earning a living.

Salaries are low in Britain and commuting and childcare costs are high. Rents are also high. So there isn't a lot of spare cash around, and people need to economise. WFH is part of that - and workers from home need to protect their earning capacity. The right to a daytime nap wherever and whenever you feel like it (in every room of the house, from which you should not be excluded, according to one previous poster!) comes second.

Can you put screens around your desk, like the privacy screens used in offices to divide areas into booths? Presumably you use a headset if on calls, so you can't hear him?

If there's no option of moving your home office, no option of moving the bedroom, I think the only thing you can do is separate it with screens so at least you can't see each other or get distracted by him.

I think it would be very unreasonable to restrict him from using his own bedroom.

Sometimes people agree to things without knowing the reality, are you sure he's still ok with this set up?

https://www.sleepfoundation.org/napping

Controlling much?

I think you need to take up the reason why they can't "adapt" with the OP but I imagine it will be to do with space and cost. I was just answering your question of why OP can't work in the kitchen or sitting room or rather pointing out OP had covered that in the OP.

OP didn't say her DH was "excluded" from the bedroom while she worked, she said she finds him napping then annoying (which I can understand). But it's a moot point now as DH will be using the sofa from now on.

Girl you sound like a lovely person to live with, I wonder if your kid(s) will have dictator kinks when they're grown.
Also I think it is perfectly reasonable to ask your hubby to nap on the couch instead. But for your own sake you could look into a separate work space.

Maybe they hide it given you think it's funny?
I don't tell my colleagues I need to sleep for 2hrs after work in order to be able to cook and shower

Eh? What on earth bugs you about someone in an entirely different part of the house having a kip?! I hope you don't live with anyone elderly or with chronic illness, you'd be permanently in a state of high dudgeon 😂

Mothership4two · Yesterday 23:52
MrsSkylerWhite

Why? It’s his bedroom.
Why can’t OP work in the kitchen, sitting room or - shock, horror, the company building?

OP has explained why and I expect there's a good reason she's WFH and not going into

Home is home. No-one ought to be excluded from any room in their house. If OP wants to work from home she needs an outbuilding. My husband works from home, has since the pandemic, so we adapted. No way would he exclude me from my bedroom during “working hours”. My son in law also works from home so has put an office in the garden (a very small starter home, it takes up half of the outside space).
No-one should be excluded from a room in their home for 8 hours every day!

That's well and good for the worker. What about the impact on everyone else in the household? Sometimes that can outweigh any benefits of WFH. Everyone here is doing much better since my DH went back to the office, and my marriage is much better. DH uses his commute time wisely, so he is not losing any time, rather using it to help his balance.

I'd say the opposite.

A typical commute is probably 1hr each way, so working from home means 10 hours of time each week moved from the "work" side of the scales to the "life" side.

As well as a significant financial saving on travel, lunch, etc. if the person wants to do so could be used to cover the costs of a reduction in working hours, further tipping the scales from "work" to "life"

I mean home

I think people should be in their offices if they don't have a suitable space at home which won't infringe on home life

I think WFH is adding to the awful erasure of work/life balance