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AIBU?

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Original poster

To ask my husband not to nap while I'm working

337 replies

LookAtThatCritter · 17/07/2024 19:25

I work from home and unfortunately the only space that we have available for my work station is in our bedroom. I know - it's a pain, but it is what it is. We don't have space for it in the living room/kitchen, and I need a room with a door that shuts anyway because I have a lot of client meetings & work with financials.

I just need the space during normal working hours, so if I work unreasonably early or late I'm totally fine with having someone else in the room and I try to be really quiet. But during normal working hours, I like to try and separate my work from home so I don't get distracted and can stay productive.

Sometimes my husband will wander in during the work day and start napping in the bed (which is what my desk faces). I find this really annoying and distracting, but I don't know if I'm being unreasonable or if this is okay. He only works part time right now and no night shifts or anything like that. It's not even the napping that's annoying me - but we have a sofa in the living room he could use. I just don't want someone sleeping in the same room I'm working.

Am I being a bitch, or am I justified to ask him to stop?? 😫

OP posts:
Pinkfluff76 · 19/07/2024 09:10

Glad you’re sorted!

EmeraldA129 · 19/07/2024 08:47

Surely he can nap on the couch? If not, incest in a blow up mattress for the living room.

Lyraloo · 19/07/2024 08:06

Wafflefudge · 17/07/2024 19:32

I'm 50/50 too.
It is his home and he should be able to access the bedroom as required and use it as a home.
I wouldn't be able to nap on a sofa.
Could you have a foldable desk in living room.
Is there any availability of working in office. Just wondering if there are ways of limiting the time where there's a conflict.

Wow, he’s a grown man, why is he napping such a lot anyway. It sounds to me like he’s a bit needy and just wants to be with her. I don’t really see why the op should have the inconvenience of having to go out of the house to work, just because an adult man wants to ‘nap’! I’m assuming that op’s salary benefits them both, so he should take that into account and nap on the sofa if he really needs to.

PinkSparklyPussyCat · 19/07/2024 07:57

Gwenhwyfar · 18/07/2024 21:31

"In the end my boss, who knows us both, said she wanted to see him walk through and saying hello next time it was her and I on the phone."

A teacher I know says she's seen many of the fathers in their pants because they were walking around semi-dressed in the background.

He's very, very careful! My colleagues do not need to see DH in his pants!

Gymnopedie · 19/07/2024 02:28

T1Dmama · 19/07/2024 00:41

Can you go into the office to work?
I’d have a polite conversation with him if I were in your shoes.. I would just tell him that his napping is disturbing your work.
Persoanlly I’m wondering why he’s tired during the day if he’s only working part time? Has he been poorly?

<bangs head against wall>

OriginalUsername2 · 19/07/2024 00:52

I think you’re completely reasonable. How are you supposed to stay in work mode when you can see someone sleeping?

I think it’s rude of your DP.

T1Dmama · 19/07/2024 00:41

Can you go into the office to work?
I’d have a polite conversation with him if I were in your shoes.. I would just tell him that his napping is disturbing your work.
Persoanlly I’m wondering why he’s tired during the day if he’s only working part time? Has he been poorly?

HucklefinBerry · 19/07/2024 00:37

Jeannie88 · 18/07/2024 23:20

Need more info really. Does he do nightshifts so needs to sleep during day? In that case yes the bedroom is for him, it's your home.

A nap or a proper sleep? Xx

It's all in the OP. No he doesn't shifts. He only works part time. No mention of illness

Jeannie88 · 18/07/2024 23:23

HucklefinBerry · 17/07/2024 19:43

Seeing that he is only working part time, they both need the finances the OP is bringing in.

The home is a home AND a work place now. And they both need it to work this way as they both are relying on the income.

If he is napping, he could nap on the sofa. For reasons the OP hasn't detailed but has stated, the only place she can work is the bedroom.

If they have no more space and he is only working part time then presumably they won't have the money to rent an office somewhere.

If it was a hobby I would agree with you but it's not. It's their livelihood.

Show quote history

Ah I see, DH works pt. In that case he's lucky to get a nap and should do it somewhere else where DW isn't working! X

Jeannie88 · 18/07/2024 23:20

Need more info really. Does he do nightshifts so needs to sleep during day? In that case yes the bedroom is for him, it's your home.

A nap or a proper sleep? Xx

ContentSolitude · 18/07/2024 23:05

This is and was easily resolved since he can and will nap on the couch.

I can't imagine there's anything confidential about working at home in a small home. Surely most of the household can hear the conversations anyway, even with the door closed?

willWillSmithsmith · 18/07/2024 22:31

Sunbeam18 · 17/07/2024 19:30

God, that would drive me mad. Someone napping anywhere in the house would bug me!

Really? I love a nap, it’s one of my favourite things to do. 😊

Gwenhwyfar · 18/07/2024 21:33

YDBear · 18/07/2024 18:47

You mean, like an office?

Show quote history

Many of which are open plan these days so not confidential anyway.

Gwenhwyfar · 18/07/2024 21:31

"In the end my boss, who knows us both, said she wanted to see him walk through and saying hello next time it was her and I on the phone."

A teacher I know says she's seen many of the fathers in their pants because they were walking around semi-dressed in the background.

redskydarknight · 18/07/2024 21:05

Gymnopedie · 18/07/2024 19:41

Are you choosing to wfh? The obvious answer is go into the office. You could also use a co working space or cafe etc. working from your bedroom is bad in a lot of ways.

This is cancel the cheque all over again, from this and other posters.

The OP has explained many times that her company does not have an office. There is no office to go to. All employees work remotely.

Using a co-working space costs money and they're not rolling in it.

Her work is confidential and not at all appropriate to do in a cafe. Would you want someone discussing your financial situation on a call in a cafe?

She has spoken to her DH who didn't realise that it was causing her problems and immediately agreed to nap on the sofa.

Anything else I need to repeat?

You missed out that the DH is busy with the house and toddler when he's not doing his paid job. Because plenty of posters got as far as reading "part time working" and assumed he was a waste of space who spent all his spare time napping for no reason.

Clarabell77 · 18/07/2024 20:42

Sunbeam18 · 17/07/2024 19:30

God, that would drive me mad. Someone napping anywhere in the house would bug me!

I never napped until i hit 45…

Gymnopedie · 18/07/2024 19:41

Are you choosing to wfh? The obvious answer is go into the office. You could also use a co working space or cafe etc. working from your bedroom is bad in a lot of ways.

This is cancel the cheque all over again, from this and other posters.

The OP has explained many times that her company does not have an office. There is no office to go to. All employees work remotely.

Using a co-working space costs money and they're not rolling in it.

Her work is confidential and not at all appropriate to do in a cafe. Would you want someone discussing your financial situation on a call in a cafe?

She has spoken to her DH who didn't realise that it was causing her problems and immediately agreed to nap on the sofa.

Anything else I need to repeat?

Dunnoburt · 18/07/2024 19:40

WhereIsBebèsChambre · 18/07/2024 07:13

Sorry and completely off topic but this has intrigued me, does that mean if in the office that day it was only say me and your friend, I'd be tasked with safeguarding role?
It sounds awful but I don't think I could take that responsibility on, especially due to childcare pick ups if needing to wait for medical assistance. I of course would if something happened in an absolute emergency, but to be told at interview this was something expected at any point?

Show quote history

It means that someone has to be there in case of an incident and ambulance needed .. you leave, my mate has to leave with you regardless of time 😊

OhcantthInkofaname · 18/07/2024 19:33

Swisscave · 17/07/2024 19:39

YABU

Its his home, his bed. You are in a bedroom, not an office.

Is it really anymore annoying than working in an office, with inane chat, tea slurping, phones going?

If you can’t cope, move elsewhere in the house. If you say there’s no space- then adjust your work station to fit. I don’t believe for a minute you wouldnt be able to come up with something.

But it's not just their bedroom it's her workspace.

Hmm1234 · 18/07/2024 19:32

He sounds like a bum. Why does he want to fall asleep while you’re working. He should be on the sofa watching tv since he’s part time

Yourcatisnotsorry · 18/07/2024 19:10

Are you choosing to wfh? The obvious answer is go into the office. You could also use a co working space or cafe etc. working from your bedroom is bad in a lot of ways. Colleagues and clients don’t want to see your bed. I wfh and I wouldn’t expect the people who live here to not be able to use the bedroom or kitchen.

However if you have no choice but to work from your bedroom he should respect that in working hours and nap elsewhere.

AllyArty · 18/07/2024 18:59

I get that you are earning a lot more than him. And I suspect like a lot of people, some months are difficult to make ends meet so you need every penny that you earn. And in order to keep doing this you need total concentration and that’s hard to do with someone blowing 💤 next to you. Granted it’s not ideal for him but I think your needs are the priority on this one.

ButWhatAboutTheBees · 18/07/2024 18:50

There are office spaces you can hire which have private rooms, screens, lockers you can leave your equipment in...

If companies wish to insist on privacy for workers then they need an office or to pay for employees to use private space. As it is ... I think most don't even pay for the fact WFH staff use their own electricity and water and gas extra to do the work...

I once worked a job for a company that contracted the work from another company. I worked from my company's office. When GDPR changed the contracting company said I would have to start going into their office for client protection.

YDBear · 18/07/2024 18:47

OhHelloMiss · 17/07/2024 19:34

It's a potential breach of employer or client confidentiality for him to be in the space you work in while you're working there.

So the employer should provide a suitable workplace...

You mean, like an office?

Barrenfieldoffucks · 18/07/2024 18:46

How many part time working adults need a nap during the day?

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