To ask my husband not to nap while I'm working

But it's his home as well.

Completely agree with this.

My husband WFH from our bedroom - it honestly is the only place he can work without intermittent disruption from children, we don't live in a big house and garden office/spare rooms aren't options. I would never dream of taking a nap while he is using that room, (a) how many working parents have time for naps? and (b) there is always the sofa.

The way I see it, if it wasn't for him being able to work in peace he would lose the job and we couldn't afford the mortgage anymore. And I'm grateful he's not forced to go to the office every day as it's 2 hours away. It's definitely worth losing access to a bed during the day to have him around to help with school pick ups!

So in my opinion YANBU at all.

Do you have children? I'm thinking not since you have so little space and your husband can nap in the day.
If so, why can't you work at the kitchen table when he's in the bed room? Surely the door being shut is only an issue is there is anyone around to hear?

Both me and DH wfh (him 3/4 times a week, me just 1) and our shared desk is in our bedroom. It's a pain in the backside quite frankly, I don't go in at all when he's working and have to get up at 7am as he starts working early (he doesn't have to) despite the fact he just wanders in when I'm working. There's no way though he would come in and have a nap, it's out of order

@neilyoungismyhero you really don't know how much he's bringing in part time....could be the same or more than the op

I also want to know what was discussed initially about wfh and the space.
Why can’t you work in the living room? What was agreed when you decided upon the bedroom?
I don’t think he is being unreasonable but then sometimes I daytime nap and it isn’t the same on the sofa.

That said, if I were in his shoes, I would be speaking with you about the issue rather than just sleeping in the room you're working in.

I think the onus is on you to find a proper, private workspace, not on him to find alternative sleeping arrangements.
If you can't within the house then you either need to use a co-working space or a company office.

Well he's not doing very much, full stop, by the sounds of it. He's working part time hours and deciding to have random naps in the room where his wife is actually working full time to a accommodate his/their lifestyle.
At best he's a selfish thoughtless disrespectful idiot and at worst a complete arsehole. I know which one my money is on.

You deserve better OP surely you realise this.

YANBU. I sometimes really need an afternoon nap, so I sympathise with him, but it would really annoy me to be trying to work in a room where somebody is sleeping, and it's not appropriate imho to be on a zoom meeting for work when somebody is asleep in the room where you are.

The basic problem seems to be that where you live is not actually working for you both; and I can imagine that that may be impossible to change at the moment. So I would approach it as 'emergency measures required', which in this case means that he can't take a nap in his own bedroom in the middle of the day because it's temporarily a work space, not his bedroom.

If he wants that to change, he needs to contribute towards a solution which gives you another space to work in. He can't have his cake (benefit from the income you both get from you working) and eat it (disturb you at your work by wanting daytime naps in his bedroom).

Mumsnet has an issue with adults napping, especially men. I mean no-one would bat an eyelid if he watched Netflix for 2hrs but goes for an afternoon nap? They hate it. I used to have a problem with daytime napping too, my ex was always going for a nap and it wound me up, but he had grown up with it being normal as his family get up early to go to the mosque for morning prayers so often nap midday. Once I got a health issue that caused fatigue I discovered the joys of an afternoon nap, and I love nothing more than an occasional nap on a weekend day. It’s bliss

The OP basically finds it annoying. Big deal,
get on with. Working with others in an office is annoying, you just put on your big girl pants and get on with it.
So what if he goes for a nap- if thats enough to put you off your stride at work, you must get distracted easily.

Can't believe some of the pp. yes it's a bedroom, but during the days it's a work space. Why can he not nap in the living room?
My dh snores so I couldn't have him anywhere near me when I'm trying to work and it wouldn't go down well on a video call.

He needs to give you one dedicated room during working hours. If he doesn’t want it to be the bedroom, then it could be someplace else possibly, but your explanation for why your desk is in the bedroom is logical.

unless he is sick, he could absolutely nap elsewhere

I presume you can’t just go to the office? Also that presumably you both need your income, and both agreed to this arrangement where you would work from home?

in which case YANBU.

(if you could work in the office, or he didn’t agree to the arrangement, they YABU)

Would be great on a zoom call with him farting away then getting up mid call.

It’s a bedroom not an office. The whole room’s purpose for existence is sleep. Not work.

The rage some people get when an adult having a nap is mentioned is hilarious. He is not BU to use a bedroom to sleep in, or to want to nap. My partner and I live in a tiny flat and I WFH but I’ve just crammed a tiny desk in the living area. It’s less than 50m sq in there. If I can do it, so can you. Let the man nap in peace (or go to a cafe or co working space)

Sorry OP I think you are being unreasonable. It’s his home. I find it genuinely impossible to nap on a sofa.

If the work you’re doing is so confidential that you can’t do it in the lounge when he needs a nap I think you should be in the office. But I don’t get this point anyway, if it’s really confidential surely doing it in the bedroom with him sleeping in the bed would be just as problematic (if not more so) than if you just moved to the lounge?

Based on a previous thread about your H, OP, he sounds vile.

It's his home too.

And in every thread where the woman moans that her husband is working from home the whole thread practically screeches that he needs to work in an office.

I'm also 50/50, but for me the tie-breaker is what came first.

OP, when you started working from the bedroom, was he already at home during the working day some weekdays, and sometimes took a nap in his bedroom?

Or was it already established as your working space and then after that the napping started?

Or have both been happening for as long as you've been in the house (or since some other change has removed a dedicated workspace)? If so, how long is that and what discussion was there prior to that?

@Tartfulodger

You mean so he can lock her out and live a normal life? Yeah I agree..
Or he could get off his arse and get a full time job.

He's relying on her for her income. The very least he could do is help facilitate that.

Jesus Christ, he’s so unreasonable to do that. What the fuck is he thinking?

well first and foremost it’s a bedroom so he’s not unreasonable napping. I’d only ask him to stop if he was in view of the camera or snoring. Otherwise it’s not much of a distraction. My desk is in a heavy traffic area in my flat and I’ve had to get used to distractions, blurred background and headphones limits any disruption to others. Someone napping on the sofa behind me wouldn’t bother me at all