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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To ask my husband not to nap while I'm working

337 replies

LookAtThatCritter · 17/07/2024 19:25

I work from home and unfortunately the only space that we have available for my work station is in our bedroom. I know - it's a pain, but it is what it is. We don't have space for it in the living room/kitchen, and I need a room with a door that shuts anyway because I have a lot of client meetings & work with financials.

I just need the space during normal working hours, so if I work unreasonably early or late I'm totally fine with having someone else in the room and I try to be really quiet. But during normal working hours, I like to try and separate my work from home so I don't get distracted and can stay productive.

Sometimes my husband will wander in during the work day and start napping in the bed (which is what my desk faces). I find this really annoying and distracting, but I don't know if I'm being unreasonable or if this is okay. He only works part time right now and no night shifts or anything like that. It's not even the napping that's annoying me - but we have a sofa in the living room he could use. I just don't want someone sleeping in the same room I'm working.

Am I being a bitch, or am I justified to ask him to stop?? 😫

OP posts:
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Sunshine9218 · 25/07/2024 00:57

FuzzyStripes · 17/07/2024 19:26

I think you are being quite reasonable to ask him to nap on the sofa.

Longer term, could you get a garden office to work in?

Or a nap shed 😆

gamerchick · 24/07/2024 13:23

Jazzabel · 24/07/2024 12:50

I’d be wondering why he’s napping and not finding something else to get on with during the day. But I’m mean and find grown adults napping in the day childish. Unless they work nights or have a medical condition.

Nowt wrong with a nanna nap.

Jazzabel · 24/07/2024 12:50

I’d be wondering why he’s napping and not finding something else to get on with during the day. But I’m mean and find grown adults napping in the day childish. Unless they work nights or have a medical condition.

QuizNight · 24/07/2024 11:40

Pookerrod · 17/07/2024 20:28

This. He’s not a toddler, what’s with the napping? I’d think there was something wrong with my DH if he was taking himself off for naps in the middle of the day. How odd.

Maybe it’s because OP keeps waking him up with her ‘quiet’ early morning/late night tapping and bright computer screen.

dottydaily · 22/07/2024 22:16

That’s so disrespectful,you are 100% entitled to be annoyed with him.please discuss with him and have that selfish behaviour stop.

Oodiks · 22/07/2024 21:20

But it's not really about the napping so much as the disrespect. He knows she is working, and she doesn't like him napping there. He could go nap on the sofa in the living room, but he chooses to nap in the bedroom.

Barrenfieldoffucks · 22/07/2024 20:17

That's a little different to going to bed

PinkSparklyPussyCat · 22/07/2024 19:35

daliesque · 22/07/2024 19:07

Usual typical bitching about wfh I see. Homes have lots of functions. Mine is currently - mine and my partners home, his full time office, my part time office and his daughters holiday home.

Some people have no office anymore so have no choice. Some people wfh sometimes or all the time for work/life balance reasons. Whatever, during working hours then the person using some of the space to earn the money to keep the place going really should take priority.

I agree if it's a choice to work from home but I don't see why my DH should have to tiptoe around in our very small home because my company have said I have to work from home. I work in the living room and if he wants to sit on the sofa then as far as I'm concerned he can.

daliesque · 22/07/2024 19:07

Usual typical bitching about wfh I see. Homes have lots of functions. Mine is currently - mine and my partners home, his full time office, my part time office and his daughters holiday home.

Some people have no office anymore so have no choice. Some people wfh sometimes or all the time for work/life balance reasons. Whatever, during working hours then the person using some of the space to earn the money to keep the place going really should take priority.

cockadoodledandy · 22/07/2024 18:38

I would pretend to have several very talky calls every time he does it.

Jumblebum · 22/07/2024 18:16

Just because someone works part time doesn't mean they don't equally contribute to household expenses. He could be a very high earner. My partners part time wage would still be way more than my full time wage.

duckduckswimming · 22/07/2024 08:00

ThereIsIron · 17/07/2024 19:44

I'm struggling to understand why a grown man who doesn't work full time needs a "nap" 🙄

This. Why is he only working part time? Why does he need to lie around the rest of the time?

redskydarknight · 22/07/2024 07:45

Wanttoescape · 22/07/2024 07:19

SPEAK TO HIM ❤️

Edited

Amazing that in a long thread nearly a week old the OP has not thought to do that yet Hmm

Wanttoescape · 22/07/2024 07:19

SPEAK TO HIM ❤️

DottyLottieLou · 22/07/2024 06:07

It's his home first and foremost. You'll have to put up with it or go and find a workspace somewhere else. Cafe, library etc.

SuspiciouslyMinded · 21/07/2024 00:38

Just loving some of the wise suggestions here. A garden office? A kitchen table? Putting a desk downstairs?! Hahahahaha...

You mansion dwellers must surely realise that many people don't have gardens, let alone ones large enough for an (expensive) office shed. And many people don't have kitchen tables because their bloody kitchens only have space for a tiny worktop. And many homes are flats that don't even have a "downstairs"!

I have a feeling OP would have considered these solutions herself were they an option.

Lyraloo · 20/07/2024 23:25

I cannot believe people, especially woman, are defending this man and talking about banning him from his own bedroom etc! If it was the husband working from him I bet he’d expect his wife to stay out of the way. He’s completely out of order when she is obviously the main breadwinner and he has the luxury of working part time why does a grown man need naps?

Ooral · 19/07/2024 18:35

Husband is a f'n idiot. I am male and work from home, if my better half did, I'd stay out her way. As she does mine unless necessary. Works part time, and needs to nap, back to his mummy for a nap if you ask me.

diddl · 19/07/2024 17:29

DiscoBeat · 19/07/2024 10:51

I don't think it's on to ban him from his own bedroom. Can you not put a desk downstairs?

Ooh I bet Op wishes that she had thought of that.

Gwenhwyfar · 19/07/2024 16:32

MrsClownland · 19/07/2024 10:01

Incest on a blow up mattress is never a good idea

This is getting even more interesting.

DiscoBeat · 19/07/2024 10:51

I don't think it's on to ban him from his own bedroom. Can you not put a desk downstairs?

Sennelier1 · 19/07/2024 10:50

YANBU and I wouldn't like it either. I have sometimes sat and worked while my husband was reading a book or browsing on his tablet, but sleeping? It is inconsiderate, even if the bed is more comfy than the sofa. But.....what healthy adult needs daytime naps I wonder, unless working very irregular hours ?

eastegg · 19/07/2024 10:30

eastegg · 19/07/2024 10:26

The way that’s phrased (‘for him to be…) makes it sound a bit like you think that would be on the DH. Obviously you didn’t mean that, as clearly the DH does not owe a duty of confidentiality here? OP and her employer do, so OP needs to sort out a suitable space compatible with confidentiality (I don’t think locking others out for the whole of the working day is reasonable) or go into the office.

Alright I didn’t RTFT, apologies OP! But my point still (kind of) stands.

eastegg · 19/07/2024 10:26

mathanxiety · 17/07/2024 19:32

YYY to a lock for the bedroom door. You could easily fit a bolt either.

It's a potential breach of employer or client confidentiality for him to be in the space you work in while you're working there.

The way that’s phrased (‘for him to be…) makes it sound a bit like you think that would be on the DH. Obviously you didn’t mean that, as clearly the DH does not owe a duty of confidentiality here? OP and her employer do, so OP needs to sort out a suitable space compatible with confidentiality (I don’t think locking others out for the whole of the working day is reasonable) or go into the office.

MrsClownland · 19/07/2024 10:01

EmeraldA129 · 19/07/2024 08:47

Surely he can nap on the couch? If not, incest in a blow up mattress for the living room.

Incest on a blow up mattress is never a good idea

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