Page 3 | Summer students disrespectful of my home.

CleanCityBird · 2024-07-17T17:56:31+00:00

Hi everyone, ive 2 students staying with me, both 15 from France. They’re doing a 3 week language course. Cleaning their room I found old stale sandwiches, partially rotted, yogurts, pastries. The thing is, apart from the yogurt. This isn’t the food I’ve prepared for them.Its someone else’s. they’ve been here 2 weeks now, & all in all, they’re great kids. Up & out in the morning ( one has said she’s sick 2 out of 10days tho). They’re polite, sweet Girls. Im annoyed that they left food to rot, it can cause all sort of problems. Im annoyed they have someone else’s food, and im annoyed because it’s disrespectful to my home. I’ve cut them some slack because they are so young, taking more of a caring role, doing their laundry, cleaning their bathroom. they’ll be home around 9ish tonight & I have to have a word with them. i don’t want to upset them but I do want to get the message across that it’s not on. I’m so annoyed I’m afraid I will over react with them. Any guidance from seasoned student host Mums might have would be greatly appreciated! ❤️

SummerDays2020 · 18/07/2024 19:36

CleanCityBird · 18/07/2024 19:33

Pasteldenata - well said.
people have mistakenly thought I have a problem with them buying food. That’s not the point.
The food in their room was homemade packed lunches made (I assume) by another host Mum. So it’s another child’s food. It’s not purchased food.
its not even opened, still in its cling film. So it doesn’t look like a swap. I put their food in Tupperware, if they don’t eat what I give them, they bring it back in the Tupperware & will say to me ‘ah we didn’t like it, or ‘you have me too much’ so they aren’t being secretive or pretending they like everything. My whole point was wondering why they’d have another child’s lunch, especially as it seems we’ve got a good relationship & they talk to me if they don’t like something, so swapping lunches seemed unlikely)not impossible though, but then wouldn’t they eat what they swapped for?).

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I think you'll have to ask them!

Somethingsnappy · 18/07/2024 19:35

CleanCityBird · 18/07/2024 19:19

I have no issue at all with other food.
the point about the food in their room is that it’s not bought food. It’s homemade packed lunches in cling film that must belong to other children. It hasn’t been opened or partially opened so their not eating it. My question was about why would they have other kids unopened homemade lunches?

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My best guess, is that your students are eating the packed lunches you give them, but sometimes other children don't like or want the lunches they've been given, and have offered them to other people, who have taken them home 'just in case', but not needed them!

Original poster

CleanCityBird · 18/07/2024 19:33

PasteldeNata78 · 18/07/2024 17:55

Nobody's disagreed with the rotting food bit (ok well, maybe some stated OP shouldn't enter their rooms but this has already been agreed as acceptable with the student org).

It's the policing what they eat that's controlling.
OP keeps asking them what they want to eat.

Maybe they don't know! Maybe they change their minds a lot. Maybe they'd actually rather not have the OP provide anything but it's mandated by the organisers. Maybe, heady on freedom in a foreign country, they keep buying food not because they're hungry but because it looks nice... And then don't get around to eating it.

Put it this way if a fully grown adult paid for a room with meals provided but chucked it all away, it would be none of the hotel's business. The fact that they're in OP's house is irrelevant. She's paid to provide the food and she does so. What they do with it isn't her business. End of. As long as they dispose of it properly. They don't need to erm 'communicate'

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Pasteldenata - well said.
people have mistakenly thought I have a problem with them buying food. That’s not the point.
The food in their room was homemade packed lunches made (I assume) by another host Mum. So it’s another child’s food. It’s not purchased food.
its not even opened, still in its cling film. So it doesn’t look like a swap. I put their food in Tupperware, if they don’t eat what I give them, they bring it back in the Tupperware & will say to me ‘ah we didn’t like it, or ‘you have me too much’ so they aren’t being secretive or pretending they like everything. My whole point was wondering why they’d have another child’s lunch, especially as it seems we’ve got a good relationship & they talk to me if they don’t like something, so swapping lunches seemed unlikely)not impossible though, but then wouldn’t they eat what they swapped for?).

OP posts:

SummerDays2020 · 18/07/2024 19:29

CleanCityBird · 18/07/2024 19:23

They have evening activities. I HAVE to pack their evening meal because they don’t get home till 9:30pm.
It’s the school policy. I pack a proper evening dinner they can heat up in school.

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It's a shame the school doesn't provide something. Maybe they are just a bit fed up of reheating food.

SummerDays2020 · 18/07/2024 19:27

CleanCityBird · 18/07/2024 19:14

Summer days - me saying my food was fab was a tongue in cheek comment. Not serious. I thought people would get the AbFab joke. They didn’t. People thought I was serious.

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Yes, sorry, I'm autistic so do tend to take things literally!

SummerDays2020 · 18/07/2024 19:26

CleanCityBird · 18/07/2024 19:12

Summer days - the food in their room is not bought. It’s homemade packed lunches, still in cling film & bags & not touched.
That’s my point. I wouldn’t have mentioned the other food if it had been stuff they bought themselves. The whole point is that it’s homemade packed lunches belonging to someone else but they’re not eating that either. I am wondering why they have other peoples packed lunches.

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Fair enough.

Original poster

CleanCityBird · 18/07/2024 19:23

viques · 18/07/2024 14:31

Two packed meals? Why don’t you provide a proper evening meal?

They have evening activities. I HAVE to pack their evening meal because they don’t get home till 9:30pm.
It’s the school policy. I pack a proper evening dinner they can heat up in school.

OP posts:

SummerDays2020 · 18/07/2024 19:20

Teddybearpicniccelebration · 18/07/2024 16:26

Does that entitle them to treat the house like it's a shit hole?

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Where did I say that??

Original poster

CleanCityBird · 18/07/2024 19:19

Josette77 · 17/07/2024 19:10

I would just remind them to bin the food.

I see no issue with them bringing in other food? That sounds like a control issue on your end.

I have no issue at all with other food.
the point about the food in their room is that it’s not bought food. It’s homemade packed lunches in cling film that must belong to other children. It hasn’t been opened or partially opened so their not eating it. My question was about why would they have other kids unopened homemade lunches?

OP posts:

Original poster

CleanCityBird · 18/07/2024 19:16

Decompressing2 · 18/07/2024 18:32

I don’t think this renting / boarding to teens is going to work out for you. I am sorry it’s obvious you have not had teens yourself. They are not mini adults - they are like a different species at 15.

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This made me laugh.
I’ve raised 3 children.

OP posts:

Original poster

CleanCityBird · 18/07/2024 19:14

SummerDays2020 · 18/07/2024 16:11

I think you're being too rigid. You think your food is fabulous maybe they don't and they're too polite to say something. Just remind them to put all food waste into the bin. Job done!

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Summer days - me saying my food was fab was a tongue in cheek comment. Not serious. I thought people would get the AbFab joke. They didn’t. People thought I was serious.

OP posts:

Original poster

CleanCityBird · 18/07/2024 19:12

SummerDays2020 · 18/07/2024 16:17

But how do you know they are other people's packed lunch? Couldn't they just be buying food from the shop like normal teenagers?

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Summer days - the food in their room is not bought. It’s homemade packed lunches, still in cling film & bags & not touched.
That’s my point. I wouldn’t have mentioned the other food if it had been stuff they bought themselves. The whole point is that it’s homemade packed lunches belonging to someone else but they’re not eating that either. I am wondering why they have other peoples packed lunches.

OP posts:

Bluebirdover · 18/07/2024 18:33

CleanCityBird · 17/07/2024 19:02

It’s other peoples packed lunches. If they swapping because they don’t like the lunch I provide, it would be better if I knew and change it up.

Well clearly they don't like it, but at 15 too shy to say?

Decompressing2 · 18/07/2024 18:32

CleanCityBird · 17/07/2024 20:30

Wrong wrong wrong.
They are 15. Not adults.
If I was making them clean their own room & change their beds and hoover the floor I’d be accused on being an Ugly Stepsister.
I go in to clean. Which is the RIGHT thing to do.

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I don’t think this renting / boarding to teens is going to work out for you. I am sorry it’s obvious you have not had teens yourself. They are not mini adults - they are like a different species at 15.

Stoptherideiwanttogetoff24 · 18/07/2024 18:15

Ilovelifeverymuch · 17/07/2024 21:23

It looks like she is more upset about that they may not like her "absolutely fabulous" food.

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🤣🤣🤣

mathanxiety · 18/07/2024 18:14

Teddybearpicniccelebration · 18/07/2024 16:05

It's not controlling this word is losing its meaning and it is her business because it coming out of her pocket not yours. The op is going out and buying food that she thought they would like. Instead of communicating with the op what they would like to eat they would rather be secret squirrel's and hide food in their room to eat. They are 15 year old girls the immaturity is there and she should speak to them about it. It's all part of life's lessons to learn on how not to take the piss.

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Hosts get paid for hosting. The fee they receive is supposed to cover food, loo paper, etc.

PasteldeNata78 · 18/07/2024 17:55

Shielehdie · 18/07/2024 16:22

Why are so many mumsnetters batshit? OP has posted about a perfectly reasonable concern, asking for advice on how to respond to the issue, and people have decided that she’s some kind of insane prison warden depriving teenagers of food.

It is perfectly reasonable to have a word with 15 year olds about not leaving rotting food in their rooms and it is also perfectly reasonable to say ‘is everything ok with the lunches I’m making? If there are things you would prefer just let me know’.

Some of you need to calm the fuck down and stop being so rude and antagonistic.

Nobody's disagreed with the rotting food bit (ok well, maybe some stated OP shouldn't enter their rooms but this has already been agreed as acceptable with the student org).

It's the policing what they eat that's controlling.
OP keeps asking them what they want to eat.

Maybe they don't know! Maybe they change their minds a lot. Maybe they'd actually rather not have the OP provide anything but it's mandated by the organisers. Maybe, heady on freedom in a foreign country, they keep buying food not because they're hungry but because it looks nice... And then don't get around to eating it.

Put it this way if a fully grown adult paid for a room with meals provided but chucked it all away, it would be none of the hotel's business. The fact that they're in OP's house is irrelevant. She's paid to provide the food and she does so. What they do with it isn't her business. End of. As long as they dispose of it properly. They don't need to erm 'communicate'

CeruleanDive · 18/07/2024 17:52

I agree that happens increasingly, @Shielehdie, but I don't think that's what happened here. OP was ready to dismiss, disagree and fight.

Shielehdie · 18/07/2024 17:25

CeruleanDive · 18/07/2024 17:15

Have you actually read all of OP's posts? They are truly batshit themselves.

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I disagree. The OP’s initial post was entirely normal, people responded in an insane, accusatory and hostile manner and OP was understandably ruffled in some of her responses.

I see this all the time on MN; people invent the most outrageous, far fetched and negative interpretation of the OP, post something provocative and hostile on the basis of that interpretation, and then blame the OP for getting riled up in response to their nonsense. It’s a weird mumsnet phenomenon and I think anyone who is sensible and remotely empathetic should call it out when it happens.

CeruleanDive · 18/07/2024 17:15

Shielehdie · 18/07/2024 16:22

Why are so many mumsnetters batshit? OP has posted about a perfectly reasonable concern, asking for advice on how to respond to the issue, and people have decided that she’s some kind of insane prison warden depriving teenagers of food.

It is perfectly reasonable to have a word with 15 year olds about not leaving rotting food in their rooms and it is also perfectly reasonable to say ‘is everything ok with the lunches I’m making? If there are things you would prefer just let me know’.

Some of you need to calm the fuck down and stop being so rude and antagonistic.

Have you actually read all of OP's posts? They are truly batshit themselves.

SunshinDay · 18/07/2024 16:58

All my students swap food occasionally as do my own dc!!

SunshinDay · 18/07/2024 16:57

Op I've had lots or host students and my own dc.

Don't make a huge massive deal just say " I cleaned your broom today and found a rotten sandwich, there aren't bins in your room please use them"
End of.
Z
Then simply say also your swapping food is there anything else I can get you

housethatbuiltme · 18/07/2024 16:54

Teddybearpicniccelebration · 18/07/2024 16:05

It's not controlling this word is losing its meaning and it is her business because it coming out of her pocket not yours. The op is going out and buying food that she thought they would like. Instead of communicating with the op what they would like to eat they would rather be secret squirrel's and hide food in their room to eat. They are 15 year old girls the immaturity is there and she should speak to them about it. It's all part of life's lessons to learn on how not to take the piss.

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People are paid to host exchange students. That money is literally for their care not 'her money' so no stop banging on about money.

housethatbuiltme · 18/07/2024 16:52

Teddybearpicniccelebration · 18/07/2024 16:11

Sure you did!

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I haven't had packed lunches since primary school but it was always pretty normal people swapping things... its only been cut down on recently due to allergy/dietry requirement control.

These are teens not little kids though. Fully capable of knowing if they are allergic to nuts or gluten etc...

housethatbuiltme · 18/07/2024 16:48

Teddybearpicniccelebration · 18/07/2024 15:32

It is about money isn't it? That's what I got from her op. They are taking the piss and should say something if they don't like it. Op has said she asks them what they want to eat it's not like she's not trying. If someone lets you into their home to stay for a few weeks it doesn't entitle them to abuse her home or the food she buys.

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How is it about money, nothing has mentioned that only you.

Nothing says they have cost OP any money, I'm guessing you are 'assuming' the cost of wasted food but the food found is their own not OPs food. Nothing says anything OP paid for is 'wasted'.

OP was mad they have got other food somewhere else but she is also only feeding them breakfast and 2 packed lunches, it sounds like she not providing enough for most growing teens.